Swim Off Smack-Talk: My Friends Are Getting Involved

>> Tuesday, December 03, 2013

When I posted my last "smack talk" update last week, I tweeted this, and my arch-frenemy Devon responded. And then my online buddies did:

Yes Devon. Yes you did.

Devon's twitter pic (for reference).

And then this happened:

Finally, one of my online buddies started this hashtag:

...but unfortunately, "#TeamSpeedo" tends to be the hashtag used for gay men looking for other men in Speedos. Oops. Whatever. GO #TEAMSPEEDO!!

And this was Devon's response to all of this:


Steve and I are super, super close to picking a date for our duel in the pool. Early December. We will be racing a sprint. Steve and his cadre of online bullies (talking about you, Veronica B. aka @ADK_Ironwoman aka FEELINGS HURTER) have been quite vocal recently with regards to my mother. I don’t get it. What did she ever do to you people? Steve, do you hate her or love her? Are you my biological father? The timeline of the affair you claim to have had with her is unclear. I am guessing you are not my biological father as I’m average height (for a human male, not for a Hobbit) and I do well at sports but who knows.

I have always been honest and clear with my comments regarding Steve and never deliberately negative. Maybe Steve’s anger towards me is driven by my exceedingly elegant ease with the English language while he can barely bring basic sentences together. Maybe Steve’s searing, sultry scorn stems simply from Alliteration Envy, a well known psychological condition. Whatever the reason, Steven, lets settle this in the pool like men. Or like one man and one hobbit.

Did Veronica hurt your feelings Devon? Here, I got you an apology card:

Oh, and Devon, it's quite humorous that you mentioned your prowess over the English language and how I'm not good with it... and then you forget the apostrophe in "let's" in the next sentence. You just make it too easy for me.

Swim off soon. Tickets will go on sale next week.


Unknown 9:45 AM, December 04, 2013  

Steve, while I appreciate your vigor in defending the honor of all things Tolkein, it appears that Mr. Palmer is counterpunching with the effectiveness of a neurosurgeon under a microscope. Either that, or a targeted nuclear device, if such a thing can indeed be targeted. Time to get creative: have Henry attach a bungy cord to Devon's trunks or something...

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