Done with Team Ortho

First, Team Ortho was in the news last summer for postponing a duathlon at the last minute. By "postponing," they actually meant "not having it this year, but you can race it next year."

Next, they were in the news for being a "charity" that only gives 1.5 cents on the dollar to their charitable cause while sending their employees on 3-day sight-seeing trips to China to pick up race t-shirts.

Now, Team Ortho's in the news again for not responding to permit issues soon enough which led to the potential last-minute move (or possible cancelation) of a marathon.

To sum up the last issue, Team Ortho's permit for the Minneapolis Marathon race course was rejected by the Minneapolis Park Board LAST AUGUST. The board explicitly asked Team Ortho for a new proposal because that one wouldn't work due to road construction projects. When this story first broke 3 days ago, Team Ortho hadn't tried a new proposal with the city, even though they had no route and were still marketing it and promoting it as the "Minneapolis Marathon." There was no word of this issue on their website or any social media pages. The race is in 2 weeks, mind you!

After KSTP posted a story about it on the 19th, something finally happened. On the 20th, Team Ortho submitted an application to have the race held in Rosemount (30 miles away). This is not for sure - this is just an application for a new race course 2 weeks from the race date. Dakota County has not yet approved the race permit at this time.

Within the last 48 hours, Team Otho finally released a statement (after feeling media pressure I'm sure) that starts with "Due to circumstances beyond our control, we will not be able to stage the Minneapolis Marathon on the original course. The original course has become unusable due to bridge construction and the inability to secure permits for a modified urban course." DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL?!? You mean like being told 9 months ago that it WASN'T going to work? That was "out of your control" Team Ortho? If the Park Board told them that last week, then they could say it was "beyond their control." But being Team Ortho seemingly sat on their thumbs for 9 months, I reject the language of that opening line. Not to mention that they stated they were unable to "secure permits for a modified urban course." What "modified" course? They didn't resubmit ANY permit application for a modified course.

They're offering race refunds already, and I'd do that if I were registered. And they'd never see a dollar from me again. If I paid and trained along the river in Minneapolis and St. Paul, I'd be unhappy with a switch to an outer-ring suburb that will have different terrain and will (most likely) be less scenic. If I planned on biking 4 miles to the race start (or taking the lightrail/bus), I'd be quite unhappy to have it moved 30 miles away. My wife did this race recently, and Henry and I just jogged 1 mile down the road from our house to cheer her on and to see her run past. We wouldn't have gone to see it if it was a 30 mile ride 1-way. If my wife were racing it this year, she'd be pissed.

Sure, I don't know all the details. (I'd know more if Team Ortho actually attempted to answer questions from the media - recently, they didn't want to discuss the 9 months of non-action regarding the rejected course proposal, and last November, they didn't want to discuss the lavish trips they sent their employees on using the "charities" money.) If they get some people off the couch and trying to workout, that's a good thing. They have great race medals and great race swag. But as an organization, they seem incompetent. Their races tend to be overpriced, over-crowded, and poorly planned. (We had family waiting 60-90 minutes for a bus in the cold rain at the finish of the Monster Dash 10 mile without a tent or mylar blanket, and all the post-race food and water had ran out.) Team Ortho is actually receiving an "F" rating from the BBB. After these major issues in the news over the last year, I can't help but wonder if this latest issue is a sign that they don't care because they're beginning to dissolve their organization. I mean, I really don't think that's the case, but after not caring about this marathon for 9 months, it makes me wonder.

So I urge you to take your race registration elsewhere. Team Ortho doesn't seem to care.


UPDATE: (5/22/16, 5:05 pm) Tim L, a running buddy, pointed out that there's a specific Facebook page for the race (not just the main "Team Ortho" page). I went to check that out, and I went from annoyed with Team Ortho to being downright pissed off. Just SIX days ago they shared a link to an article on their main page with travel and lodging info. (The link is still on their FB page, but now it's a dead link.) If they know race is NOT going to be held where it's listed and are still promoting places to stay for the race, something is seriously f*cked up. How unethical is it to be promoting a place to stay that ONCE was a half mile from the race but NOW it's 30 miles from the race? Their Facebook event page has had 7 posts in the last 9 days, with only the last one (from yesterday) noting the possible race venue change to Dakota County. And people commenting on a post on their FB page from 4 days ago note that online registration was down, but Team Ortho was commenting "registration will be open at the expo and on race day." Of course registration is down because they knew they had a "9-month-in-the-works f*ck-up" on their hands.

If you're flying in from out of town, I'd like to apologize. On behalf of the Twin Cities AWESOME group of endurance athletes, we're not all screw-ups like Team Ortho. Come back and race another race in our great community. We have a free futon upstairs if you don't mind young boys waking you up early, so you can spend the night here before a (non-Team Ortho) race. Don't let this deter you from running or biking in our fine City!

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New Years "Resolutionists?" Ugg...

Your gym may be getting crowded. It's the New Year - it's bound to happen. Here are a few thoughts on that from one of the guys from BeginnerTriathlete.com (where I track my milage) that I posted here a couple of years ago:

We're endurance athletes. We train all year not only outside, but also at the gym and the pool. We can expect some serious crowding in both places for the next few weeks. It happens every year.

Suddenly we have to add 30 minutes to our scheduled gym time because of the "resolutionists". There are no parking places. When you do manage to find one and get to the locker room 10 minutes behind schedule, there aren't any lockers available and the door is blocked by someone trying to remember the way to the weight room. In there, the machines you need to use are all occupied by people in new track suits pushing too much weight with truly horrible form. The bubbler is blocked by someone who is trying hard not to look totally out of their element. You can't get in the pool because it's jammed with people using pull buoys on their arms and kickboards as flotation devices. Half the lanes have people with no goggles and baggy swim trunks down to their knees who can't swim an entire lap.

The whole freakin' place is filled with...with...

beginners.

It's one of my favorite sights. I've never been in a place more full of hope than a gym during the first week of January. It's a place full of people giving action to their dreams. People who for that day are making an effort to be fit, to improve themselves, to live a better quality of life. The effort and courage it takes them to get there that morning is huge. It certainly exceeds what it takes me. I know where everything is. I know the pool etiquette. I know what my workout is going to be and how to use the machines. I'm not the least bit embarrassed to take my shirt off in the locker room. This is routine for me. These new people will be showing a lot of courage and determination by going to the gym in the next few weeks and they'll deserve my respect. They'll get it.

It wasn't that long ago that I was one of them. During the next few weeks I'll be making an effort to help some of these people feel a little less uncomfortable. Maybe make eye contact with some of them, be ready to give a nod or say hello.

Once we're halfway into February, the crowds will be gone. Parking will be easy. Machines will be available again. The wait at the pool will go away. We know this. We're endurance athletes. We know the reward that comes from sticking through the hard parts.

And from helping others through them.

It's good to keep that all in mind.

And on that note, Adam (AKA "The Boring Runner") recently posted something along these lines on Facebook. He's a lot like me: a sassy, somewhat speedy Dad. He seems to be faster at the longer distances, I seem to be faster at the shorter, but I think we're similar overall. I probably have more body hair, but whatever - we can compare chests and asses if we ever meet. ANYWAY, he posted this, which I didn't know about him:

Nice. Follow Adam on Twitter.

Happy New Year, everyone!! Back with my year-end training numbers for 2014 soon.

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Pace Calculator Issues

This is not a rant. Repeat: this is NOT a rant. I don't get "fired up" about this, but it's just worth noting. And none of this is "ground-breaking" info - just my take on the topic.

Before the half marathon on Saturday, I was told by 2 people that I SHOULD be able to run a sub-1:20 half marathon based on my recent Meet of the Miles 1-mile time. And that's part of why Chad called me a sandbagger with my DREAM GOAL of a 1:25 finish. I hoped I could go 1:25, but sub-1:20 would have been impossible. But the numbers SAY I should be able to do that.

Here's what they're talking about: here are my equivalent race times from the McMillan Running Calculator that many of you are familiar with:

My 13.1 equivalent performance based on my 4:53 mile

The problem with that is that these predictions assume you've trained up for that distance in the same way you trained for the shorter run. Here's what it says on their site: "Do keep in mind that a 5K runner is unlikely to run the equivalent time in the marathon off of 5K training. The runner would obviously need to train for the marathon to accomplish this equivalent time." This is all obvious, but when I'm only putting in 20-25 miles / week (a lot of that in the past was pushing a stroller at Henry's pace), I can bust out a speedy 1 mile, but there's no way I can just say "Yep, now I should be able to run a 1:18 half." Also, if I trained the same way for the half as I did for the 1 mile, I'd get soooo injured soooo quickly. I cannot run as many miles as McMillan wants me to without getting hurt.

Just because I'm stupid, let's really test the McMillan Running Calculator. There are plenty of people on this planet right now that can run a 10-second 100 meters. According to McMillan, they'd SHATTER world records at the marathon distance if they "trained" for it:

A 1:54 MARATHON time for those that can do a 10 sec 100. Yeah, no prob.

Sure, that's a little "out there" of an example. But what about using Ryan Hall as an example. In April of 2011, Hall ran the Boston Marathon in 2:04:58. Then, in May, he came to town to run the TC 1 Mile. Here I am with Ryan and Sara Hall a few hours before the race:

The pace calculator said that he should be able to run a 3:42 mile based on his recent marathon time:

But Hall ran a disappointing 4:17.2 (and finished last place in the elite wave). That's a big difference.

And this highlights my issue.

Ryan Hall is "distance" trained, and he couldn't pull that speed out of his legs on his distance training.

I have a bit more "speed," but I don't have the endurance, so I can't run the longer races as fast as this calculator says I "should" be able to. I simply don't put in the miles. (Oh, and I'm NOT saying I have more speed than Hall... I just might have more "speed vs endurance" whereas Hall has more "endurance vs speed" based on our own abilities.)

I started this post by saying "this is not a rant" (even though I'm using the "rant" label at the bottom of this post), and what I mean is that I'm never really annoyed when people think I can run something at a certain pace because this calculator says I should be able to. It IS a good thing to look at when comparing the difference in some races. I use it quite often.

But the more miles between the comparison, the farther off it can be. You could get a good sense of your 5K time based on a 1 mile race (that's over 3x the distance, but it's only about 2 miles more). Same with comparing a 5K to get an anticipated 10K finish (2x the distance, and only 3.1 miles more). But a half marathon to a marathon is quite a jump - that's SUBSTANTIALLY different training that McMillan is asking you to do in order to hit their predicted time.

That's not all bad. And it's kinda obvious. But if you're just comparing possible race outcomes without MAJORLY changing your training, then it won't give you 100% accurate answers. And that's kinda where I fall. I didn't change many workouts going into the 1 mile race, and I just made sure to get in some long runs before my half marathon. All the "middle stuff" was about the same.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I talk to Coach Jen about some of these issues in this post from Sept of 2010. Here's just part of that post:

Here are some other numbers to back up my points. Below are 3 screenshots from the McMillan Running Calculator. They show my estimated times based on my back-to-back-to-back races this past spring: a 5K, a 4 mile, and a half marathon:

Estimates based on my 17:11 5K


Estimates based on my 22:42 4 mile


Estimates based on my 1:22:52 half marathon

Notice: My 5K time says that I could do a half marathon in 1:19:26, but that’s WAY FASTER than I could do.

On the flip-side, my half marathon time says that I should do a 5K in 17:56, but that’s WAY SLOWER than I just did.

I can go shorter and harder, but when I go longer, I end up easing back a little. (And I know, the McMillan Running Calculator is NOT an exact science. I HAVE heard things about needing to run a ton of miles to be able to hit your predicted McMillan times.)

BUT, for what it's worth, notice that the difference in a predicted marathon time between those 3 screenshots is just over 7 minutes... 7 minutes isn't THAT big of a difference in a marathon. At least I don't think so. I'd LOVE to have any of those times in a marathon!

And to make one more point in DEFENSE of the pace calculator: note the different 10-mile times it gave me above based on my 3 races: 59:49, 1:00:24, and 1:02:24. Those 3 races were in the spring of 2010, and I ran my best TC 10 Mile in the fall of 2010. I've been saying that I'm faster at the shorter races, so my 10-mile time SHOULD be somewhere between my 4-mile prediction of 1:00:24 and my half marathon prediction of 1:02:24. But being I worked with Coach Jen for 2 months leading up to the 2010 TC 10 Mile, she actually got me to put in the "distance specific" training where I was able to do a 59:05. So... I guess if you train for it like McMillan says... you CAN hit their predictions.

It's just that I so rarely train so specifically for 1 race. I guess that's my problem. :)

Any thoughts on working with a pace calculator?

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A Quick New Years Post

Our 2011 New Years Card:

Snowshoeing and skiing in WI, hiking the Superstition Mountains in AZ,
swimming in Lake Mary in northern MN, riding roller coasters in
Cedar Point after Rev3, and out cats in the living room.

Last week, I published this article on my Examiner page. It's a good reminder for all of us, so I figured I'd share it here too.

Here's a note I recently saw that helps put the "New Year's crowd" at the gym in perspective. It was written and posted by "Marmadaddy" in a BeginnerTriathlete forum. Marmadaddy is one of BTs site administrators. Here's what he had to say:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We're endurance athletes. We train all year not only outside, but also at the gym and the pool. We can expect some serious crowding in both places for the next few weeks. It happens every year.

Suddenly we have to add 30 minutes to our scheduled gym time because of the "resolutionists". There are no parking places. When you do manage to find one and get to the locker room 10 minutes behind schedule, there aren't any lockers available and the door is blocked by someone trying to remember the way to the weight room. In there, the machines you need to use are all occupied by people in new track suits pushing too much weight with truly horrible form. The bubbler is blocked by someone who is trying hard not to look totally out of their element. You can't get in the pool because it's jammed with people using pull buoys on their arms and kickboards as flotation devices. Half the lanes have people with no goggles and baggy swim trunks down to their knees who can't swim an entire lap.

The whole freakin' place is filled with...with...

beginners.

It's one of my favorite sights. I've never been in a place more full of hope than a gym during the first week of January. It's a place full of people giving action to their dreams. People who for that day are making an effort to be fit, to improve themselves, to live a better quality of life. The effort and courage it takes them to get there that morning is huge. It certainly exceeds what it takes me. I know where everything is. I know the pool etiquette. I know what my workout is going to be and how to use the machines. I'm not the least bit embarrassed to take my shirt off in the locker room. This is routine for me. These new people will be showing a lot of courage and determination by going to the gym in the next few weeks and they'll deserve my respect. They'll get it.

It wasn't that long ago that I was one of them. During the next few weeks I'll be making an effort to help some of these people feel a little less uncomfortable. Maybe make eye contact with some of them, be ready to give a nod or say hello.

Once we're halfway into February, the crowds will be gone. Parking will be easy. Machines will be available again. The wait at the pool will go away. We know this. We're endurance athletes. We know the reward that comes from sticking through the hard parts.

And from helping others through them.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I read this to my wife, and it really gave us a different perspective on "resolutionists." Have you seen new faces at the gym or in the pool? Be kind to these people - you never know if they are about to become a new training buddy. Happy New Year!

Something to consider before you get too annoyed with those "resolutionists" at your gym. ;)

Back with my "Meet of the Miles" race report from last night shortly....

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Remember to Look FAR Enough Back...

I wrote about this issue around a year ago. And it's "that time of year" when I need to keep reminding myself of this.

Two weeks after the TC 10 Mile, I felt like I had lost ALL the speed / endurance / training that Coach Jen had given me. I started thinking those thoughts of "well, I can already feel myself going downhill, and I'll never be that fast again. Oh well....."      *deep sigh*

The problem was I was only looking 2 weeks into the past. I was missing the bigger picture. And I need to remind myself of some of this now and then:

DATE	DISTACE and TIME	PACE
Nov 2007	5K PR of 19:11	6:10.5 / mile
March 2008	5 mile PR of 30:30	6:06.0 / mile
Oct 2009	10 mile PR of 1:02:43	6:16.3 / mile
March 2010	5K PR of 17:11	5:31.8 / mile
Oct 2010	10 mile PR of 59:05	5:54.5 / mile

Here's my point: in the fall of 2007 when I raced my 19:11 5K PR, if you had told me that within a few years I was going to run 10 miles at a pace that was 15 seconds faster PER MILE than that 5K, I would have punched you in the face. Then stolen your wallet. Then rented some DVDs from the "RedBox" at McDonalds with your credit card without ever returning them.

Bottom line: I would have thought you were nuts.

But I DID just that. (Not the "punching you in the face" part, but the "running a 10 mile race at a pace 0:15 / mile faster than my 2007 5K PR pace" part.)

So when I start getting slightly depressed that my running speed is leaving me, or my biking power is "taking the winter off," or I haven't been to the pool for a while, I just start looking FARTHER back. In the past 4 years, I've come a LLLOOOONNNNGGGGG way. I can't lose sight of that.

I don't know how much longer I can expect this speed to continue. Whenever I look back, I just feel SUPER lucky / blessed that I've been able to throw down numbers like that.

Stop and look at where you've been. No, not over the last month (because maybe you've "let yourself go" over the last few weeks). But look "long term." I bet you're better off now than you were a few years ago. Maybe you've got a better level of fitness. Maybe your career's coming along. Maybe you've grown in your family life. Maybe you've been doing a few small house projects that have really done a lot to your home, but you've been too focused on each little project to be able to enjoy the "real" view of what you've done.

Step back, take a long look, and enjoy your accomplishments.

Where will you or I be in another 4 years? Who knows. But I'm excited to find out.....

My 2007 5K PR and my 2010 10 mile PR

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UNcoached vs. SELF-coached

In the past, I've considered myself to be "self-coached." For the 8 weeks leading up to the TC 10 Mile (which was 10 days ago) I worked with coach Jen Harrison. Now that I'm training "on my own" again, I realize that in my pre-Jen days, I was NOT "self-coached." I was "uncoached." And there's a big difference.

Let me explain.

Here are a few thoughts from my "pre-Jen" days:

- In the past, if I were going for a hard tempo run, my thoughts while running were "just go fast."

- Intervals on the track were just to be "hard." No specific time goals, just "hard."

- If I was headed out for a 35 mile long ride, I could be part way in when I'd say "I'm going pretty fast, and I'm a little short on time - I'll turn this into a 20 mile hard tempo ride."

- If I wasn't holding a fast speed on the bike, I might say, "Oh, you can stay out here for another 30 minutes to an hour - ease up a bit and call this a 'long ride.'"

THIS. WASN'T. RIGHT.

Those things made me UNCOACHED, not SELF-COACHED.

If I were self-coached, I'd be saying something like "Today's ride will be a tempo ride. You'll WU for 5 miles. Then sustain an average pace of XXmph for 25 miles which will include 4 x 5:00 all-out efforts. Then ease it home for a final 10 miles." I would NOT veer from that plan mid-workout.

If I were self-coached, I'd be saying something like "Hit the track for 4x1600. Start at 5:45 and drop 5-10 seconds for each interval. Last one is ALL OUT and fastest by 10 seconds or more. Stretch well afterwards."

If you are SELF-COACHED, take a good look at how you train yourself. I bet more than 50% of you out there will find holes where you are just UNCOACHED. I'm not trying to be an ass - I'm not trying to say "You're all FOOLS and I've got this ALL FIGURED OUT!" You read my blog - you know that I'm full of shit and have NOTHING figured out. ;) I'm just trying to highlight the fact that all of us self-coached people could probably be better coaches for ourselves. And I'm a prime example.

This idea of me previously being UNcoached instead of SELF-coached popped into my head on Monday evening during my first long run since the 10 mile (and my first workout with any effort since I stopped working with Jen). I started by being SOOOO proud of myself. In the past, I'd just go out and run 9 miles hard. That led me to some major over-training issues a year ago, even though I was only running 15-22 miles per week. So I was going to do this run RIGHT: I was thinking like Jen, and I told myself "WU for 2 miles, HARD for 5, and CD for 2." That was NEVER something I'd do on my own in the past. I thought Jen would be proud.

Super! I was being my own coach! Right?........

No. Not quite. When I hit those "hard" 5 miles, I had not previously defined what "hard" was going to be. Was I to build and keep getting faster? Was I to maintain sub-6s? Sub-5:50s? Just run "hard" and see what the times are? I NEEDED TO DEFINE THIS AHEAD OF TIME, NOT DURING THE WORKOUT.

So during that workout, I just ran "hard," and felt a little lost as to what I was doing. I realized I REALLY need to better define my workouts to be able to get the most out of them. I ended up running WU miles of 7:59 and 7:44, followed by "hard" miles of 6:10, 6:01, 6:18, 6:20, and 5:45. That super fast last mile is "old Steve" coming out to play. That's me taking it TOO easy in the middle for fear that I won't have enough left in the end. (Remind you of this post?) I CAN'T revert back to that. On hard runs, I need to define my pace in those middle miles to get the most out of the workout.

So here's my plan:

I need to WRITE DOWN my workout plans ahead of time. I think I'll work backwards from whatever races I plan on doing and define what I want to do (roughly) each week. I'll try to well define the 2-3 months before next year's "A" races. Then, before each week begins, I'll nail down the specifics for each workout.

Note: I won't be THIS structured on ALL of my workouts. I don't want to burn myself out. For my run tomorrow, I'll just do an easy-ish medium distance run. So don't think I'm going TOTALLY "Type A" on my training. Many of the thoughts above will be for workouts a few weeks before a race - NOT for everyday winter training.

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Taking Down a Soccer Mom

That's right. The gloves are coming off.

Jenny Wilcox, I've had it with you. You've got to be put in your place.

Oh, oh, I can hear Jenny now: "Whatever do you mean, Steve?" Yeah. Whatever Wilcox. Whatever.

I met you at the Oakdale Duathlon (which you won) early this spring:

You were just 3 minutes slower than Matt and I who raced as a TEAM! Whatever. Show off.

The Chisago Lakes Sprint Tri was Matt's first triathlon, and guess what? You had to show up, smash Matt's face with your time, and beat the course record:

You heading into the park with your frickin' course record

Then, at the Minneapolis Duathlon this past weekend (the "largest duathlon in the world"), you came in as the top female (just out of the top 10 overall), and you broke Marlo's course record by a minute!

But here's the icing on the multisport cake:

Remember when "Midwest Events Magazine" interviewed me for a nice little article?

Yeah, special, I know. That was nice, right? Well you swooped in and appeared on the FLIPPIN' COVER of the next issue, just to 1-up me:

Jerk face.

So, Jenny, here's the deal. You're racing the Mosquito Man Duathlon this weekend. I'm racing the Mosquito Man Duathlon this weekend. It's war. You and I. No holds barred.

That's right folks - I'm gonna send this Hillary-hair-cut soccer mom and her amazing legs crying back to the suburbs. There. I said it. Me and my speedy, hairy pistons of pain (my legs) are gonna blow her up.

Wilcox, it's ON.

Note: I don't actually feel this way. And I don't believe a word of what I said above. In fact, I ASKED Jenny if I could put up a post like this, so "nice Steve" hasn't completely flipped his lid. (Although he's now referring to himself in the third person, which is weird....) And none of this is my subconscious coming out. This is all in jest.

Jenny's SUPER nice and SUPER fast. I'm 93%-95% sure that's she's going to beat me by a minute or 2 on Saturday. I THINK I MIGHT be able to keep up with her on the runs, but with my lack of hard biking lately due to my TC 10 Mile training, she'll kill me on the bike. That all adds up to me not having a chance. But a little friendly competition always makes things a little more fun, right? ;)

All I know is Saturday is going to be SUPER fun! Check back Monday (Labor Day) to see who kicked who's butt!

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Weight Problems

It might not be what you think. My wife saw my weight when I stepped on the scale yesterday. It read 152.4 pounds.

She didn’t like that.

It’s not that I’m GAINING weight. The problem with her is that I’m LOSING weight.

It’s simple. Let me explain.

Pharmie likes her men strong and beefy.

There..... I think I just explained.

When I get too skinny, she starts finding me a little less attractive. Over the past 6 months, I’ve been around 156-158 pounds. She was good with that. Now I’m in the 152 range. Three years ago, while training for Ironman, I was in the 147 range and looking as sickly as ever.

I’ve been working with Coach Jen for just over 2 weeks now, but I don’t blame her for my weight loss. Well, not completely. YES, it’s true that I AM working out more than I usually do, but I’ve also been eating better.

It kinda sounds a little backwards, but I don’t think I’m the only one who does this: When I start working our real hard towards a goal (the TC 10 Mile in under a hour), I also start eating a lot better. I want to make sure I’m firing on all cylinders, as they say. So a few weeks ago, I was working out LESS, and eating WORSE. Now I’m working out MORE, and eating BETTER. It’s called a positive loop. Yay me.

I don’t remember the last time I touched a frozen pizza! It’s been forever!! And this past weekend when I was showing my work at “Kernel Days,” the WORST thing I had over 3 days of being surrounded by fair food was a half order of cheese curds! A HALF! Other than that, it was 1 burger, 2 pork sandwiches, and a lot of water.

Yeah.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

So I’ll be watching my weight, but for the opposite reason than most people do. And you can be sure I’ll report back if it drops below 150. Heaven help my marriage! ;)

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Triathlete Magazine's 2010 Swimsuit Issue

I know there's controversy every year regarding "Triathlete Magazine's Swimsuit Issue." It's all the normal controversy that comes with any "swimsuit issue." And most years, I haven't seen a problem.

But this year, I need to call B.S. on this issue. There are 16 people modeling swimsuits. 14 of the 16 are women. The 2 guys are in a Jagged "jammer" and a 2XU 1-piece tri suit. Like those are the only 2 options for guys. Come on. And 3 of the female photos are 2-page spreads where you need to turn the magazine vertical like you're gawking at a centerfold in a skin mag. Slightly pornographic.

I dunno. I just think it's a little much this year.

BUT, I like the play on the "swimsuit issue" that TYR did with an ad on the back cover. So here's the COVER of the 2010 swimsuit issue that just came in the mail today:

(Umm, those "stains" on the model's leg are from where I pulled off the address label. Not from... something else.... Really.)

And here's TYR's ad on the back cover of that issue:

Do you think that's a stab at the "Swimsuit Issue"? I kinda hope so! ;)

Nice work TYR! Ha!

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"A Race" vs "B Race"

This idea of having an "A" race or a "B" race can be an issue for some people, and I thought I'd open this idea up for discussion.

About couple of months ago, Rural Girl told Pharmie and I about this small half-marathon race in her hometown. She invited some blogger buddies (and real-life buddies) to her town to run the race with her: Simply Stu and Robby B were planning on coming over to race. She invited Pharmie and I, and we thought it'd be a fun way to see our internet buddies again! So we signed up.

I signed up thinking it'd be a "B" race: I'd be trained to go the distance, I'd have a fun race hanging out with friends, I MIGHT just PR (only because my other 3 half marathons have been in the dead of winter here in MN), but I wasn't going to drop all of my other races to train SOLELY for this race.

A few days after that, I thought it COULD turn into an "A" race: Because all of my other half marathons have been in the winter when I've been less trained and wearing lots of extra clothes, this could be a chance to DESTROY my PR. And it's before multi-sport season in the midwest, so I wouldn't be skipping real important bike rides to make sure I got my long runs done.

After my real decent long run last week, this could definitely be an "A" race: I ran a 12 miler pretty hard, but not quite "all out," and I finished in under 1:19. My 13.1 PR is 1:28. That's PR territory, folks.

I think it's only natural that some races are more important than others to most people. I'm really training up for Liberty Oly Tri in June (an "A" race), but I may be throwing a small tri in the works in a few weeks (a "B" race). I won't drop my training plans and taper off for 2 weeks for that "B" race if I decide to do it; I'll just tackle it and treat it like a hard training day.

In fact, the MDRA Mudball (the race report seen in my last post) was only a "B" race. I was telling Chris before the start that I was just treating it as a hard tempo run. I just took a rest day before the race to be somewhat "fresh" for the run, and then ran as hard as I could. The outcome wasn't super important to me, so it was definitely not an "A" race.

Here's the big deal for some people with regards to "A" races or "B" races: if we are running together in the same race, only it's a "B" race for me and an "A" race for you, and I BEAT you, is that super insulting?

If I say, "Oh, this isn't that important of a race to me," and then I beat someone who trained hard for this race, that can be degrading. To some people, this is a big slap in the face. And I have to say that I can see their point. Everyone just needs to keep in mind that someone else might have a different idea of what "success" is at any given race.

So what's your take on having "A" races and "B" races? Is it just the necessary manner in which we train and race? Or is it something that can be disrespectful to other athletes? I have my thoughts, but I want to see if I'm with the majority of people.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So I can't wait to be able to hang out with Rural Girl, Simply Stu, and Robby B this weekend at the half marathon! Here's a slightly embarrassing photo of each of them from WIBA last summer:

Rural Girl headed to the woods to pee before her long ride


Robby enjoying some post-ride meat and beer


Stu and I manning the grills after the bike ride.
No "tongs" jokes. Thanks.

Anyway, I'd love your thoughts "A" vs "B" races. I have some "A" races coming up shortly. After all, duathlon season is in the air.......

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An Open Letter To Old Man Winter

Dear Old Man Winter: F*CK YOU.

If there’s one thing I enjoy doing after getting home from classes at 8 pm, it’s climbing on my roof and breaking off icicles and shoveling the extra heavy snow to the ground.

Delicious.

Oh wait, that’s what I DON’T like doing. I almost forgot.

F*ck you, winter.

I realize this is in sharp contrast to my mood regarding winter in my previous post. Leave me alone. It’s my blog. I’ll piss and moan if I want. ;)

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I Married Into a Sweaty Family

(...but before we get to that, a little more on something else.)

So the last few days of discussion on my blog have been very interesting to me! It was first an “iPod or no iPod” discussion, which soon turned into an issue about racing and race effort. I took some of these ideas and wrote about them in the forums on BeginnerTriathlete.com as well. Most people (on BT) agree with many of the sentiments left here regarding iPods: many don’t wear them, few people race with them, and everyone that uses them seem to be using them safety / smartly.

Then I put up a poll on BT asking “Can you hold a short conversation during a 10 mile race?” Here’s what I added:

I've been catching a little flak for not "racing hard enough." I recently did the TC 10 Miler in 1:02:43, which was good for 95 out of 5797. I was happy with that. But being I held a few short conversations with other runners at mile 1, 4, and 5, some people are saying that I didn't race hard enough. It was an "all out race" for me, and in a 10 mile race, I'm not racing so hard by mile 1 that I can't talk. SHOULD I be racing that fast?

Thoughts please! Thanks!

Around noon today (about 24 hours after putting up the poll), here are the results:

So 62% say it’s OK to have a short conversation, but I’m a little surprised to see 30% say you shouldn’t have enough breath to talk. I didn’t think it’d be THAT high! The way I race, I almost use talking as a tool in the first half (at least in a race as long as a 10 mile) to make sure I stay nice and easy. Then I can “unload” in the last half and know that I have the speed / power / energy to make it to the finish line. That’s the idea repeated by many people who commented on that poll - here’s one example:

If you can't talk a little bit in the early part of the race, you will be walking before the finish line.

A lot of people stated something like that. This next comment, although a little harshly worded, brought the biggest smile to my face:

You turned in a 1:02 for a ten miler and you weren't racing hard enough? Damn, I hate to see if you shut up and ran how fast you'd be! That's an awesome run IMO and if you are okay saying a few words, so be it. Who gives a fuzzy rats nut sack as to what others think ~ run your own race and only you can truly criticize what and how you performed. If I could run that fast and talk, I might do it just to show off. ;) Run on brother!

And was it any surprise to see that commenter was from Texas? I think not. ;) Ha!

But, there were plenty of people that also commented saying that ANY talking will add time to my overall race. Seeing 30% of people say I shouldn’t be talking at all was a surprisingly high percentage! Maybe I’ve been wrong! Maybe I need to be racing harder in the first half and not talking so much! I’m definitely considering this for this weekend’s Monster Dash 10 Mile race!

Changing gears: last night, Pharmie and her brother, Matt, had a date with their trainers in our basement. They did an hour workout together as I sat upstairs and ate pizza (really). Here they are about 3 minutes from the end of their workout:

Matt had a POOL of sweat under his bike, and it was actually flowing (in 2 little rivers of sweat) to our basement drain! Check this out:

That’s amazing!! We figured we could probably get about 6 bikes and trainers down in that space in front of our TV, so any locals want to have some winter “trainer dates” at our place? The only requirement is that you can’t be allergic to cats. (The litter box, a few cat mats, and all the cat toys are in the basement not too far from the trainers, so a workout would get pretty ugly pretty quick if you were allergic!) Seriously, who wants to come over?...

Big races this weekend!! Pharmie’s racing her first 50 K trail run, and I’m racing the Monster Dash 10 Mile!! Should be a fun Saturday!!

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More iPod Talk

Yesterday’s post has some great comments. Thanks for all your input on both sides of this issue! (Keep it coming!)

One thing that I felt pretty bad about was that I implied that everyone running is “training,” and is running to try to get faster. That’s NOT the case, and I feel like a doody-head for implying that. Plenty of people might just head out on a run to enjoy some free time or to stay in shape. That’s a great time to run with music if you’d like. Use it to enjoy the moment. It’s not always about getting pumped up and running as hard as possible. My bad. Sorry.

RE: some comments on yesterday’s post:

- My post and Gary’s article are ALL opinion, not fact. But the idea behind Gary being asked to write this article for the MDRA magazine is that he’s a seasoned race director / coach with a different perspective than us “normal” runners.

- Someone brought up deaf runners / bikers, which I’ve seen brought up in iPod discussions before. Yes, they do fine on a bike or on a public trail, but they are USED to dealing with living without hearing what’s around them - they have spent years finding other ways to “hear.” The rest of us choose to not hear our surroundings if our iPods are up too high.

- 1 or 2 people mentioned using iPods during races. They said something like you’re not missing out on “camaraderie” because you shouldn’t be talking anyway: “if you’re talking while racing, you’re not racing hard enough.” I respectfully disagree. I’m a HARD racer. I just finished 95th out of 5797 people in the TC 10 Mile (1:02 finishing time). And I held 3 great conversations with 3 different people during the race: introduced myself to Marlo at mile 1 and chatted about duathlons; ran into racing buddy Tom at mile 4 and chatted while crossing the Franklin Bridge; and passed a recent acquaintance (Doug) at mile 5 where we chatted a bit. Sure, I didn’t talk as much after that (although I did a little) because I was upping the pace as I was nearing the finish, but I find it tough to say “if you’re talking while racing, you’re not racing hard enough.” Over a 1 mile race? That might be true. Over any longer distance? I don’t think so.

- And it’s nice to hear that those who are commenting who use iPods seem to be using them properly and safely. I think tri-al put it nicely when she simplified it down to this: “each to their own; but when it comes to safety; keep one ear free.” Nice. I second that. (and “keep one ear free” might just as well mean to use both ear buds, but keep the volume down a bit, too.)

Anyway, that’s still just all my 2 cents. Check out the post below for more details.

(And I’m still tweaking the layout and colors of my “new” blog, so put up with it just a little longer before you judge it too harshly! It will hopefully come together in the next few days...)

**On second thought, maybe I don't race hard enough... I mean I DID have enough energy left over after the TC 10 Mile to cheer for the Marathon runners like this:

Direct link on YouTube.

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iPods While Working Out or Racing?

It’s Monday. Let’s get the blood flowing. I know a good way to do that: bring up the “iPod issue.”

I’ve found FEW people are “in the middle” on this subject: either you’re totally FOR USING iPods or totally AGAINST USING iPods.

This topic was recently brought up in the Minnesota Distance Running Association (MDRA) magazine “RunMinnesota.” Gary Westlund, the GREAT race director for Charities Challenge, wrote the article titled “What Are You Missing?”

Please click here to read Gary’s article in “RunMinnesota.”

I don’t want to make any enemies, but I feel I must let you all know that Pharmie and I side with Gary on this subject. I actually wrote Gary once I saw the article to say that we back him up, and I said that Pharmie and I think it’s a real safety issue. Many times I’ve passed a runner (either while biking or running) whom I didn’t know was wearing an iPod. I always give a friendly but loud “on your left” as I come to pass people so they’re aware of me. When their iPods are blaring, they cannot hear me legally signaling my pass. Either they change course and I nearly hit them (I’ve never hit anyone yet, but it’s been close a LOT of times), or they freak out and jump when I go by and then shoot me a dirty look because I startled them.

I must mention that there are people that DO wear their iPods at a decent volume considering they are working out in a public place being used by others as well. It’s great when I come up to pass someone with an iPod, say “on your left,” and they give a little wave letting me know I was heard and we’re on the same page. Then I always say “thanks” when going by.

So when I told Gary that I felt it was more of a safety issue, he wrote me back and said that he had written a lot more about that, but that was the majority of what had to be cut out to fit in the magazine.

Gary's been a race director for years, and the following is an interesting point that he made in his MDRA article:

I’ve edited thousands of race photos. And I see confirmation in racers’ faces that headphone wearing runners are not nearly as happily engaged in all the experiences of running and racing as those who run with both their ears and eyes, and attentive minds, wide open to all the sounds, voices and cheers around them.

(BTW, I think Gary’s probably edited more like HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of race photos!! That man is picture crazy! In a good way, of course!)

My final 2 cents on this topic is regarding those who use music to pump themselves up. I KNOW about the power of music. I’m NOT denying that. It’s easy to be moved / revved-up by a song. But when I’m racing or working out hard, I really need to be “tuned in” to my body. I need to hear my breathing; I need to hear the speed of my foot strikes; I need to hear the wind going past my ears. All those things help me to gauge my effort. (Not to mention that I need to hear the traffic around me so I don't get killed.)

The “studies” show that using music really DOES help beginner athletes; it really gives them that boost when they need it. But “studies” also show that iPods hurt seasoned athletes because of similar issues I listed in the paragraph above. (And I placed “studies” in quotes because, like most issues, the “research” on this topic is sketchy and changing all the time.)

This might not be a totally fair argument, but look at the fastest runners in an iPod legal marathon. How many of them in the top 1% are wearing iPods? I finished in the top 2% of the TC 10 Mile a few weeks ago (95 out of 5797), and I only saw 1 person running near me (around mile 5) that was wearing an iPod. I just looked back at the finishing video of that race, which was an iPod legal race. I discovered 2 things. 1: a guy pukes just after finishing around 56:00 and the cameraman tries to get him out of the frame. And 2: of the runners that finished in the top 2% (the top 115 out of 5797), I saw exactly ZERO iPods come through.

I think my bottom line is this: If you want to run as fast as you can, it’s not about finding the right song; it’s about “tuning in” to your body.

So what are your thoughts on all of this? Why DO you or DON’T you wear an iPod during workouts or races? Let’s open this up for discussion. Please leave a comment with your thoughts. This is a hot-button issue, but try to be civil with your comments on either side of this debate. I’m also going to let Gary Westlund and the editor of “RunMinnesota” know about this post so they can stop by and see what’s being said.

Thanks!! Happy Monday!

(p.s. Did anyone else think it was funny to see Gary’s “anti iPod” story on one page of the spread, and an ad for 2 races with 2 big “iPod Friendly” logos on the other side of the spread? Ha!)

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Running: More Mental Than I First Thought

When I started getting into triathlons, my wife Pharmie was in her 6th year of running marathons. She would talk about little “mental games” she would play with herself on longer runs: always do “out-and-backs” with a longer “out” first; tell herself “just get to the turn-around” and then worry about the rest; etc.

Frankly, I thought SHE was a little “mental.” I didn’t get it.

I was doing my 4-6 mile runs while training for my first sprint and olympic triathlons. “Mental games?.... My wife’s weird!” is what I thought. I wouldn’t need any “mental games” to get through my runs, and I thought Pharmie was a little strange for running like that.

Now that I’m consistently running slightly longer distances (trained for 2 half marathons, 2 10 milers, and a half Ironman this year - nothing SUPER long), I see her point. One thing I do all the time is to see how many homes I can run past before the next car passes me. I’ve also learned that there’s a huge mental aspect in the way I approach my runs. And I think I’ve proved her point over my last 4 long runs. Let me explain.

About a month ago (before the TC 10 Mile), I ran an OK 9 mile training run. Then I ran a rough 9.5 mile run, and a horrible 10 mile training run. But over the last 10 days, I ran a great 11 mile run, and a great 10 mile run.

What made those last 2 runs better/faster/stronger? It was all mentality. It had to do with what was running through my head as I started those runs.

Below are the maps for the rough 9.5 mile and the rough 10 miler. (They are just the “out” of the run - I hit the end of the route and turned around to come back the way I came to finish the run.) What do these 2 routes have in common?

What do they have in common? They both are nearly straight out-and-back, which makes them seem FAR. Because they SEEM far, I run slower. Stupid mental issues.

Below are the maps for my recent great runs: an 11 miler and a 10 miler. (They are mapped the same as the others: they just show the “out,” and then I turned around to finish the run the same way I came.) See how these are different from the routes above?

Breakthrough.

Those runs don’t go as far away from home as the “bad” runs. I’ve found that REALLY makes a difference for me. On that 11 miler, I hit mile 8 and was running on a route that usually means I’m close to home. So I was running hard. But instead of turning towards home, I turned away from home and tacked on a few more miles before finishing. The same was true regarding mile 6 of my 10 miler.

So I’ve found the route I run on my long runs really affects my mental approach to the run. If I feel like I’m running to a completely different time zone before turning around, I’ll start off slower. Way too slow. But if I’m running near home in the middle of the run, I’ll be picking up the pace throughout, and then I’ll be HOLDING onto that pace until the run is complete. That’s my new secret for a faster long run.

So what mental games do you play? Or is this all foreign and crazy to you?


FYI: if you need to see the numbers on those 4 runs, here they are:

- Bad 9.5 miler: 59:32 (6:16 pace). Not a bad time, but that time does NOT include the 2 walk breaks I had to take (that’s the only time I’ve had to walk in a training run this year!).
- Bad 10 miler: 1:06:50 (6:41 pace). Slowest pace I’ve ran in a while.

- Good 11 miler: 1:08:54 (6:16 pace). Felt strong.
- Good 10 miler: 1:02:29 (6:15 pace). Strong throughout. Felt “right.” And I did that run while I had this current head cold! Nice.

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Wellsphere Controversy: A Different POV

A few days ago, this article came out that really pissed a lot of people off. And I’ve gotten a bunch of e-mails from blogger friends and complete strangers in the last 48 hours, so I figured I’d post about it to let you all know how I feel.

Here’s a quick version of what happened: Wellsphere was a website that started up as a place for health/fitness/medical bloggers to come together. If a blogger signed up, his/her blog posts were automatically published on his/her Wellsphere page as well. You could meet other bloggers with your specific interests. You could set goals with incentives at the end once you’ve reached your goal.

I heard about it, and I checked it out. Their page was pretty poorly designed, parts of it were a little cheesy, but I thought I’d sign up. I took advantage of the “goal setting” to track my miles as I was training for my second half marathon. I would check out other Wellsphere bloggers now and then, but I really didn’t do too much on their site. (I’ve even come in contact with someone through Wellsphere whom I’ve had the great pleasure to meet and race with in person - I don’t know if I would have met him outside of Wellsphere.)

Then, as is stated in the article above, Wellsphere was sold to the “HealthCentral Network.” People started saying they were scammed. Does NOBODY read the fine print anymore? It was stated when you start a Wellsphere account that your blog will be published on Wellsphere’s site and then Wellsphere can do what they want with that. I just blog for fun, so that didn’t bother me. Now, everyone’s saying, “Oh, I’ve been scammed?” PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU’VE JUST BEEN SCAMMED? Please. I don’t know where the scam occurred.

This is what happened:

1. You have a blog.
2. You sign up to have it published on Wellsphere as well, for no monetary compensation.
3. Wellsphere is sold, and you feel entitled to a cut.

Really? How?!

Wait a minute... isn’t that one of the goals when running a business?

1. Start a company.
2. Build the company up.
3. Sell company for profit.

I am NOT defending Wellsphere. I have NO alligence to Wellsphere. Sure, I just finished 9th in their “People’s Health Blogger Awards,” but all I’ll probably get is a congratulatory e-mail and another badge to “display with honor” on my side bar. (An ACTUAL prize would be sweet!!) Anyway, I CAN see why people are sour about missing the fine print, but they were not “scammed.”

When Blogger was sold a few years ago, did everyone say they were scammed? Did they want to be paid because they had written content on Bloggers site?

Some people have pointed out that the CEO of Wellsphere, Ron Gutman, is basically a money-hungry jerk with no morals. I don’t know the guy, but this may be completely true. Until recently, I’ve done no research as to who started or runs Wellsphere. I mean, I’ve been blogging through Blogger for 2.5 years, and I have no idea who is in charge of Blogger. A money-hungry, moral-less CEO may be running Blogger. I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Just a few hours ago, a blogger buddy e-mailed me to ask me about this controversy. This is what I told her:

Yeah, I've just started hearing about it. It's not too big of a deal to me. It was all there in the fine print when I signed up. Blogger states in its fine print that it can reproduce anything from our blogs that it wants. I just blog for fun, so I'm not up in arms about it.

And Wellsphere was started and then sold - again, not a big deal to me. That's what people do. Start a company, make it bigger/better, and then sell it for a profit. Blogger was sold a few years back, and people didn't freak out like they are with the Wellsphere.

I'm not taking Wellsphere's side, but I just think people are overreacting to nothing. Nothing illegal went down. Everything was spelled out from day 1. I dunno...

Happy weekend!

Steve

She wrote back right away:

Hey Steve,

You know its funny, when you put it that way it makes perfect sense!!! I was just reading some of the blogs i follow and they were very upset by it all so i thought of you immediately!!!

Thanks for clearing that all up...

I do NOT have all the answers. If you disagree or have something to add, please comment. Don’t simply tell me I’m stupid. If you have a point, please make it. (However, I will delete pointless, ranting, personal-attack-style comments.)

The moral of the story: Read the fine print, or quit-cher-bitchin.

Thanks everyone. Enjoy the big game! And the commercials...

(Oh, and great photos from last weeks FREEZING 10K are coming tomorrow!)

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Are You Faster Than J Lo?

Jennifer Lopez finished the 2008 Malibu Triathlon yesterday. She did the sprint course. Here were her splits:

1/2 Mile Swim: 20:52
T1: 6:09
18 Mile Bike: 1:14:36
T2: 3:09
4 Mile Run: 38:51
Total: 2:23:38

She had the slowest T1 time of all of the “celebrities” that competed. And a quick overview of all the results show that she was near the bottom of all T1 times. Do you know why? Because she’s a diva! But you need to say that last line correctly. Say it like this:

Now, say it with that inflection, but say “DIVA” with wide eyes and jazz-hands. There. Perfect. Ha!

I wonder if she had to primp, curl, or airbrush anything in T1. I’m a notoriously slow transitioner, and my T1 for my last Half Ironman (which included a 68 stair climb up from the beach) was 3:51. Take that, Jenny from the Block! Boo-yah!

*Good-Natured Rant Complete*

*Beginning Super Pissed Off Rant*

Today, around the noon-hour, there was a press conference at the site of the new I-35 Bridge that is about to open. (If you remember, just over a year ago, the I-35 bridge over the Mississippi in Minneapolis fell into the river during rush hour.) I was able to listen to about 35 minutes of the press conference between classes.

This press conference pissed me off.

It was politician after politician (I think I heard about 6 or 7) talking about how their bipartisan effort helped to get funding super quick for the new bridge. Each politician talked about the 13 people who died (and 100 who were injured) for about 6% of their speech. The other 94% was spent gloating about how great of a job all of them and they colleges did after the bridge fell to get the new one started.

I WAS SO PISSED OFF. I was livid.

How about working together like that all the time? How about coming up with the funding to keep bridges from falling into the Mississippi in the first place? How about recognizing the numerous families affected by loss of life or lifelong injury due to the collapse? How about you stop bragging about how well you responded to other peoples death and misfortune?

It didn’t matter if they were Democrat or Republican - it was all the same. Each used the same tag words: “bipartisan” this, and “working-across-the-aisle” that. And they barely mentioned the tragic loss of life.

This is why I hate politics.

I missed the evening news tonight, but I’ll bet the contents of my wallet that they showed a great sound bite from some politician about “how tragic it was that it happened in the first place,” even though 90% of the press conference wasn’t about that at all. It was political jockeying.

People died. Politicians, stop using this to further your career. Do your fucking job. And if you’re so happy how you handled this situation (so "bipartisan" and "in everyone's best interest"), try doing that every day at work. Pull your collective heads out of your collective asses.

Sorry for the rant. I’ll be back with some fun race photos shortly.

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2 Days Until Grandma's Marathon!

I don’t have much for two. But I do have something to say to the skinny old guy at the Y who was in the locker room next to me yesterday.

Dear skinny old guy at the Y:

It’s fine if you want to sit naked on the bench in the locker room as I’m changing next to you. It’s maybe a little weird that you just sit there, stark naked, just staring into your locker, but it’s really not a big deal. But when you reach into your locker, pull out a banana, slowly peel it, and eat it right there next to me while you are still stark-ass naked, that IS a little creepy. Is that the new “foot under the bathroom stall door” signal for guys who want to get it on with other guys? I’m flattered, but I’m married. And straight. If neither of those were true, I’d probably go for someone one-quarter your age. And someone less willing to have his bare testes on a random bench for that length of time. I mean, you probably have plantars warts or athletes foot on your boy-parts now.

It’s better you hear this now than for me to drag this out for a while.


Oh, here’s a little something for two: I live with (and will be running Grandma’s with) two Linder sisters. Just so everyone knows, they’re not gassy at all and their farts don’t stink. (Score some brownie points for Steve!)

And good luck to all the racers that I know in the two big races this weekend: Grandma's Marathon on Satuday and Ironman Coeur d'Alene on Sunday. Good luck racers!! Be safe! Be strong!

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A Couple Of Lists...

Top Five Signs I’m A IM Wanna-be / Blogger

• When spell check gives the “correct” suggestion for Trisaratops, it looks absolutely foreign to me.

• I’m already deciding where to put my tattoo. You know, THE TATTOO.

• In conversation I’ve been referring to my wife as Pharmie, her blogger name.

• When I’m out on a workout, I’m secretly hoping for something strange, dramatic, or crazy to happen so I’ll have something to write about.

• Suddenly, I’ve been thinking that I’m WAY too hairy.


Top Reasons I SHOULDN’T Become IM

• I’ve never had a flat on any of my bikes. Not one.

• I miss recreational bike rides.

• My tri bike only cost $800. And that included the aero bars and all.

• I’m not into gadgets. I don’t have a heart rate monitor, a power meter, or anything else fancy like that. My bike computer doesn’t show cadence. And it’s not wireless. Well, I guess it’s not that I don’t like gadgets - it’s just that I’m cheap.

• I still giggle when anyone brings up “Body Glide.” I mean, it’s lube in deodorant form - how crazy! “Stay dry and confidant while you become slippery and greasy ALL OVER!”

• I learned how to swim from a DVD. And I’m not even doing it right.

• My nutrition is crap. Right before my last 2 mile swim, I had nachos with cheese, a piece of sting cheese, and a boat-load of cottage cheese. Apparently I have a thing for processed dairy. It showed up again right after the swim.

• I still refer to my swims as “2 miles” instead of “3200 meters” as I should be. I know there are many swimmers/triathletes out there that hate this. Deal with it.

• I’m WAY too hairy

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Do You Know Green Speedo Guy?

Have you met Green Speedo Guy? I bet you’ve met Green Speedo Guy. There’s one in every pool. I had the opportunity to meet him last night. My Green Speedo Guy looked like this:

OK, so his hands aren’t THAT screwed up.

Green Speedo Guy first hopped into my lane without asking. He was just suddenly there. It’s just common courtesy to ask if you can share your lane. “Not a big deal,” I thought. Some people just don’t know the routine of the regulars (oh God...I’ve already become a jaded “regular”...).

Green Speedo Guy was an older gent, and he had a bit of a beer belly. But that didn’t stop him from having that “I own this place” strut. He was a fast swimmer, but only swam 2 or 3 laps at break-neck speed before stopping to catch his breath for a minute or two. He wouldn’t stay on his side of the lane - I was kicked in the forearm a number of times. Green Speedo Guy seemed to time the start of his lap by waiting for me to get part way down the pool, and then trying to catch me to show that he “still got it” (whatever "it" is that he "got"). He made wild, splashy, over-the-top flip turns at either end. Everything Green Speedo Guy did was for show.

Everything.

Green Speedo Guy completed 3 or 4 sets of 2 or 3 laps, and finally, I had my lane to myself. I was keeping track of his laps more than I was my own laps. It was great to have the lane to myself again, but it was simply much better that Green Speedo Guy was gone; I would have gladly shared with anyone else in the pool.

I kept swimming. I completed maybe 10 more laps, and guess who was back?! Green fricken’ Speedo Guy. He blasted out 2 more laps, and was gone, like a fart on a windy day.

Do you know Green Speedo Guy? I bet you do. What does your Green Speedo Guy look like? What does he (or she) do to annoy you. You’ve all met mine. I would love to meet yours.

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