2nd Annual 'Donut Mile' Race Report

>> Monday, January 02, 2017

Thursday morning was the 2nd Annual YWCA Endurance Sports Team "Donut Mile" to close out the year. It nearly didn't happen this year, but I tried to drum up support, and then I picked up 3 dozen Mel-O-Glaze donuts early that morning:

Delivered to the track. These ain't just tiny cake donuts!

Traditional pre-race potty selfie.

A bit of a change since last year's donut mile. I've had the beard just long enough
where I'm doing double-takes at beardless pictures of me. It's going away soon.

I did a mile warm up, started stretching, and then trainer Laurie started leading the group in warm-ups:

There was the "half donut challenge" and the "full donut challenge." You had to eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, and run 1/4 mile. That's 4 donuts in a mile. The "half" donut challenge was just a 1/2 donut every time, so that was only 2 donuts over the course of the mile. You had to eat the donuts in the transition zone, but you could leave transition and start running before you swallowed. (This is slightly different than beer miles that I'd done because in those, you have to have the beer finished before leaving transition.) If you threw up during the race, you had to run an extra 2 laps.

Up first was the "half donut challenge." Here's everyone with a 1/2 donut in hand ready to start:

L to R: Tom, Emily (on her BIRTHDAY), Leah, Caroline, Dina, Kate, trainer Laurie, and Matt.

GOOOOO!!! Note Emily's "just let gravity do the work" method. Solid form.

Still happy after 1 lap. Note the water table (which helps the donuts go down)
and the trash cans just off the track in the distance (should anyone need to hurk).

Leah, Dina, and Tom were close, and were 1st-3rd all throughout the race!

Tom, if you'd stop drinking, you could finish sooner.

OH HEY LOOK: Tom's still drinking. Leah just took the lead here
about 1/2 way into the race. Tom, Dina, and Matt are 2nd-4th.

I can't tease Tom too much because on the last donut, he took the lead. Tom ended up winning the "half donut challenge!"

Tom in 1st!

Dina in 2nd, happy to be done!

Leah in 3rd, with a cheek-full. Kate was lapped, but that's Matt back there about to take 4th.

Chubby-cheeked Laurie hitting the line.

We never mentioned that you need to have fully CONSUMED the donut before hitting the finish line (or hit the finish line but then finish chewing/swallowing before your time truly finishes), so we allowed people to finish this way. Normally, it's illegal.

Next up was the "full donut challenge!" Jacob (last year's winner) took a good sniff of the goods:

The 4 of us about to race: Jacob, me, Glen and Nicole. Jeez, we're an awkward group.

We TRIED to get Nicole to race with us last year, but she didn't. After a bit of peer pressure, she caved this year. She was in it to win it!

SIDENOTE: you all know Nicole. We ran 95% of the 2011 Securian Run Half Marathon together, and I took pictures and videos the entire way. Here's us pre-race nearly 6 years ago:

Race-partner Nicole and I pre-race.

And here's the link to my video from that race. Nicole's in it a lot.

Anyway, someone shouted GOOOOOOO, and trainer Laurie took lots of photos for me. (Thanks Laurie!!)

I'm using the controversial 2-handed method. Nicole is simply un-hinging her jaw.

Like last year, Jacob was off and running SOOO quickly. Here's Nicole eyeing him as
she takes off in the 2nd spot. Nicole, wipe your mouth... you got a little something there...

Jacob showing that his mouth was donut-less after a lap. (Nicole in the distance.)

Nicole, me, and Glen after a lap. It took me 1.5 laps to get donut #1 down.
Nicole is still chewing too. Obviously. (And hilariously.)

Working down donut #2. I really want to do some horrible Photoshopping to Jacob...

Me working on #2.

Last year, I was lapped by Jacob as I was finishing donut #2 and #3. (And then I'd pass him to get back on the same lap as him as we were running.) This year, I never let that happen. I couldn't eat like Jacob and Nicole, but I started every post-donut-eating lap just a 1/2 lap down from them (or less).

On donut #3, watching Jacob and Nicole run off!

Before the final donut, Nicole caught Jacob for the first time during the race! I could tell because of the cheers of the spectators on the track. I was still 1/3 of a lap back or so. (And remember, it's just a 200 meter track, so I was within 100 meters.)

Finishing up lap 5 of 8, side by side!

Also, because I like Nicole, I had to blur her face here. She was working hard, and it showed.
I'm considering this my 1 good deed towards Nicole for 2017. No more, Nicole.

FINAL DONUT! This is gross. Kind of a sexy gross. Sort of.

Nicole shouted during this one "I'm not having fun!" It was hard to eat.

Looking up to Heaven for help from baby Jesus.

OK, I *SWEAR* I'm not cherry-picking good looking photos of me and horrible looking photos of my friends. I'm not photogenic, but I apparently take not-so-bad photos during a Donut Mile. This might be my legacy...

Nicole made a strategic move here that may have given her the win. She took off holding on to her water bottle! That way, once the donut was finally down but her month was nasty and dry, she could take a sip wherever she was on the track. Her mental preparation may have paid off at this race.

I crammed that last donut in my mouth, and took off less than a half lap (maybe 75 meters) behind Nicole and Jacob. At this point, I figured I had about a 50/50 chance of catching them, but I had to GOOOO! After 1 lap, I hadn't closed the gap by much. I figured the win was out of reach. But near the end of the final lap, Jacob started to fade. Or maybe he just didn't have as much of a kick. But here we are rounding the last turn:

Nicole's nearly to the line, Jacob is BARELY visible behind her, and I'm CRUISING around that turn!

You can tell Jacob looks a little pained here, and I'm flying.

Chubby cheeks closing the gap!

This is the uncropped photo that Laurie took at the line (#crotches).
I got Jacob for 2nd by less than 3 feet!

Glen looking like how we all felt.

The "official" results of both races. 1st-4th in the "half" race were within 24 seconds!


Steve Stenzel
"Full" donut challenge

2nd out of 4 overall
1st out of 3 men

And because I'm a super nerd, here are my splits (races don't count if you don't take your splits):

0:35.30 eating
1:19.60 running
0:53.69 eating
1:17.40 running
0:57.48 eating
1:16.63 running
0:56.08 eating
1:08.23 running

8:24.41 total
5:01.86 running
3:22.55 eating


• Look at that last 400 meter split! It's about 10 seconds faster than the other 3 because I was not throwing in the towel! But the slow final donut cost me the win. Last year, my final donut eating split was 8 seconds faster. And Nicole only won by 4 seconds this year. Dang.

• I was 13 seconds slower than last year, and I don't know how that happened. I SWORE that by knowing what I knew from last year's race (realizing part way through that race that it was ALL about eating fast and running with lots of donut in your mouth), I'd be around Jacob's winning time from last year of 7:47. I was 8 seconds slower running this year (which I expected), but then I was also 4 seconds slower eating. I thought my eating splits would be faster this year! (My middle 2 donuts WERE a bit faster this year, but overall, my eating time was slower.)

• This is harder than it looks. It gets nasty. As Nicole said during the race, it is NOT fun.

The 4 of the "full" donut milers post-race!

Nicole cleaning up the random glaze chunks on the track.
We decided on a new tradition: the winner has to clean up.

I THOUGHT I had cleaned up. Then I chatted with everyone and stretched.
But then I STILL discovered I had lots of glaze on my "eating hand."

Nicole's comment on a FB post. I'm glad I wore Nicole's favorite shorts. Oh, and the
"nude shorts" she mentioned are the ones from this race that are invisible at times.

In related gross cram-your-face-full-of-stuff-while-racing posts:

- Here's my donut mile race report from last year.

- Here's my donut run 5K race report from 9 years ago where I ate 15 Krispy Kremes during a 5K! (This was different though because we had to finish the donuts before running off.)

- And here's a link to all of my "beer mile" posts which are an equally gross time. A beer mile is a bit harder than a donut mile. (I think.)

Happy New Year! Make sure 2017 involves lots of donuts!


SteveQ 11:15 AM, January 02, 2017  

OMG, that tombstone. I just realized I'm old enough to be your dad. Friggin' 2017.

Steve Stenzel 3:09 PM, January 02, 2017  

You JUST realized that SteveQ? :)

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