Video from the Donut Mile

Alright, this is funny. Caroline (one of the "1/2 donut challenge" runners) took some video of the "full donut challenge" and posted it on Instagram. We were being so competitive and going so fast, but LOOK AT HOW SLOW AND PAINFUL THIS LOOKS:

Direct link: youtu.be/dKKD58iF8KY

This could have been donut #3, but I think it was our 4th and final because the 3 of us came in lined up as seen in that one photo from my race report. What a horribly gross good time. Everyone I talked to doesn't want to do it again, so maybe this was the 2nd and final year of this race.

If you missed it, here's my funny "donut mile" race report with lots of fun pictures. I still feel a bit gross when thinking about it...

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2nd Annual 'Donut Mile' Race Report

Thursday morning was the 2nd Annual YWCA Endurance Sports Team "Donut Mile" to close out the year. It nearly didn't happen this year, but I tried to drum up support, and then I picked up 3 dozen Mel-O-Glaze donuts early that morning:

Delivered to the track. These ain't just tiny cake donuts!


Traditional pre-race potty selfie.


A bit of a change since last year's donut mile. I've had the beard just long enough
where I'm doing double-takes at beardless pictures of me. It's going away soon.

I did a mile warm up, started stretching, and then trainer Laurie started leading the group in warm-ups:

There was the "half donut challenge" and the "full donut challenge." You had to eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, run 1/4 mile, eat a donut, and run 1/4 mile. That's 4 donuts in a mile. The "half" donut challenge was just a 1/2 donut every time, so that was only 2 donuts over the course of the mile. You had to eat the donuts in the transition zone, but you could leave transition and start running before you swallowed. (This is slightly different than beer miles that I'd done because in those, you have to have the beer finished before leaving transition.) If you threw up during the race, you had to run an extra 2 laps.

Up first was the "half donut challenge." Here's everyone with a 1/2 donut in hand ready to start:

L to R: Tom, Emily (on her BIRTHDAY), Leah, Caroline, Dina, Kate, trainer Laurie, and Matt.


GOOOOO!!! Note Emily's "just let gravity do the work" method. Solid form.


Still happy after 1 lap. Note the water table (which helps the donuts go down)
and the trash cans just off the track in the distance (should anyone need to hurk).


Leah, Dina, and Tom were close, and were 1st-3rd all throughout the race!


Tom, if you'd stop drinking, you could finish sooner.


OH HEY LOOK: Tom's still drinking. Leah just took the lead here
about 1/2 way into the race. Tom, Dina, and Matt are 2nd-4th.

I can't tease Tom too much because on the last donut, he took the lead. Tom ended up winning the "half donut challenge!"

Tom in 1st!


Dina in 2nd, happy to be done!


Leah in 3rd, with a cheek-full. Kate was lapped, but that's Matt back there about to take 4th.


Chubby-cheeked Laurie hitting the line.

We never mentioned that you need to have fully CONSUMED the donut before hitting the finish line (or hit the finish line but then finish chewing/swallowing before your time truly finishes), so we allowed people to finish this way. Normally, it's illegal.

Next up was the "full donut challenge!" Jacob (last year's winner) took a good sniff of the goods:

The 4 of us about to race: Jacob, me, Glen and Nicole. Jeez, we're an awkward group.

We TRIED to get Nicole to race with us last year, but she didn't. After a bit of peer pressure, she caved this year. She was in it to win it!

SIDENOTE: you all know Nicole. We ran 95% of the 2011 Securian Run Half Marathon together, and I took pictures and videos the entire way. Here's us pre-race nearly 6 years ago:

Race-partner Nicole and I pre-race.

And here's the link to my video from that race. Nicole's in it a lot.

Anyway, someone shouted GOOOOOOO, and trainer Laurie took lots of photos for me. (Thanks Laurie!!)

I'm using the controversial 2-handed method. Nicole is simply un-hinging her jaw.


Like last year, Jacob was off and running SOOO quickly. Here's Nicole eyeing him as
she takes off in the 2nd spot. Nicole, wipe your mouth... you got a little something there...


Jacob showing that his mouth was donut-less after a lap. (Nicole in the distance.)


Nicole, me, and Glen after a lap. It took me 1.5 laps to get donut #1 down.
Nicole is still chewing too. Obviously. (And hilariously.)


Working down donut #2. I really want to do some horrible Photoshopping to Jacob...


Me working on #2.

Last year, I was lapped by Jacob as I was finishing donut #2 and #3. (And then I'd pass him to get back on the same lap as him as we were running.) This year, I never let that happen. I couldn't eat like Jacob and Nicole, but I started every post-donut-eating lap just a 1/2 lap down from them (or less).

On donut #3, watching Jacob and Nicole run off!

Before the final donut, Nicole caught Jacob for the first time during the race! I could tell because of the cheers of the spectators on the track. I was still 1/3 of a lap back or so. (And remember, it's just a 200 meter track, so I was within 100 meters.)

Finishing up lap 5 of 8, side by side!


COMING IN TO THE LAST TRANSITION, WE WERE ALL LINED UP! IT WAS A RACE!
Also, because I like Nicole, I had to blur her face here. She was working hard, and it showed.
I'm considering this my 1 good deed towards Nicole for 2017. No more, Nicole.


FINAL DONUT! This is gross. Kind of a sexy gross. Sort of.


Nicole shouted during this one "I'm not having fun!" It was hard to eat.


Looking up to Heaven for help from baby Jesus.

OK, I *SWEAR* I'm not cherry-picking good looking photos of me and horrible looking photos of my friends. I'm not photogenic, but I apparently take not-so-bad photos during a Donut Mile. This might be my legacy...

Nicole made a strategic move here that may have given her the win. She took off holding on to her water bottle! That way, once the donut was finally down but her month was nasty and dry, she could take a sip wherever she was on the track. Her mental preparation may have paid off at this race.

I crammed that last donut in my mouth, and took off less than a half lap (maybe 75 meters) behind Nicole and Jacob. At this point, I figured I had about a 50/50 chance of catching them, but I had to GOOOO! After 1 lap, I hadn't closed the gap by much. I figured the win was out of reach. But near the end of the final lap, Jacob started to fade. Or maybe he just didn't have as much of a kick. But here we are rounding the last turn:

Nicole's nearly to the line, Jacob is BARELY visible behind her, and I'm CRUISING around that turn!




You can tell Jacob looks a little pained here, and I'm flying.


Chubby cheeks closing the gap!


This is the uncropped photo that Laurie took at the line (#crotches).
I got Jacob for 2nd by less than 3 feet!


Glen looking like how we all felt.


The "official" results of both races. 1st-4th in the "half" race were within 24 seconds!

OFFICIAL RESULTS:

Steve Stenzel
"Full" donut challenge

8:25
2nd out of 4 overall
1st out of 3 men

And because I'm a super nerd, here are my splits (races don't count if you don't take your splits):

0:35.30 eating
1:19.60 running
0:53.69 eating
1:17.40 running
0:57.48 eating
1:16.63 running
0:56.08 eating
1:08.23 running

8:24.41 total
5:01.86 running
3:22.55 eating

3 POST-RACE NOTES:

• Look at that last 400 meter split! It's about 10 seconds faster than the other 3 because I was not throwing in the towel! But the slow final donut cost me the win. Last year, my final donut eating split was 8 seconds faster. And Nicole only won by 4 seconds this year. Dang.

• I was 13 seconds slower than last year, and I don't know how that happened. I SWORE that by knowing what I knew from last year's race (realizing part way through that race that it was ALL about eating fast and running with lots of donut in your mouth), I'd be around Jacob's winning time from last year of 7:47. I was 8 seconds slower running this year (which I expected), but then I was also 4 seconds slower eating. I thought my eating splits would be faster this year! (My middle 2 donuts WERE a bit faster this year, but overall, my eating time was slower.)

• This is harder than it looks. It gets nasty. As Nicole said during the race, it is NOT fun.

The 4 of the "full" donut milers post-race!


Nicole cleaning up the random glaze chunks on the track.
We decided on a new tradition: the winner has to clean up.


I THOUGHT I had cleaned up. Then I chatted with everyone and stretched.
But then I STILL discovered I had lots of glaze on my "eating hand."


Nicole's comment on a FB post. I'm glad I wore Nicole's favorite shorts. Oh, and the
"nude shorts" she mentioned are the ones from this race that are invisible at times.

In related gross cram-your-face-full-of-stuff-while-racing posts:

- Here's my donut mile race report from last year.

- Here's my donut run 5K race report from 9 years ago where I ate 15 Krispy Kremes during a 5K! (This was different though because we had to finish the donuts before running off.)

- And here's a link to all of my "beer mile" posts which are an equally gross time. A beer mile is a bit harder than a donut mile. (I think.)

Happy New Year! Make sure 2017 involves lots of donuts!

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Donut Mile Race Report

Or, "Man, This Guy Can EAT!"

Or, "Gagging on Sweetness."

On New Year's Eve, the endurance sports group at the YWCA of Mpls hosted a "Donut Mile," and I had to try it out. It wasn't just cake donuts... it was "full size" glazed donuts from Mel-O-Glaze in Minneapolis:

Donuts on an empty track early Thursday morning. The space between the table and the
trash can was the "donut eating transition zone," and the trash can was also the finish line.


Delicious giant donuts.

Here were the rules for the race:

OFFICIAL RULES:
1. Each competitor eats four donuts and runs eight laps, on the 200m indoor track (start - donut, then 2 laps, then donut, then 2 laps, then donut, then 2 laps, then donut, then 2 laps - finish).
2. Donut must be consumed before the lap is begun, within the transition area which is the 10 meter zone before the start/finish line on a 200m track. It is OK to take off before you've finished swallowing the last bit of donut, at your own risk (see Rule 6).
3. The race begins with the devouring of the first donut in the last meter of the transition zone to ensure the comptitors run a complete mile (1609 meters).
4. Competitors will all eat the same donuts (provided).
5. Consumption of water during the event is encouraged - bring your own.
6. Competitors who vomit before they finish the race must complete one penalty lap at the end of the race (immediately after the completion of their 4th lap). Note: Vomitting more than once during the race still requires only one penalty lap at the end.

I ran an easy 1-mile warm up, then did this:

I couldn't give up my pre-race traditional photo.


Pre-race briefing from Coach Laurie and event organizer Jacob (far left).

The first heat was 7 runners who did a "shorter" race. Here's what was posted on the event website: "For those of you who can't take the heat, you don't have to get out of the kitchen - there will be also be a half-donut mile. You still have to run the whole mile, but you will eat half a donut every quarter-mile." So these 7 ladies lined up with their half donuts:

"READY... GET SET... CHEW!!!!!!"

I don't know if Leslie's strategy of holding the donut in her mouth was that effective...


Still looking good after a few donuts.


Eating more in the transition zone. Notice we pulled another table up
so runners could have a place for their water bottles.

No one barfed in the first heat, but it did claim 1 runner: only 6 of the 7 finished the race.

Finally, the final 12 of us lined up for the "Full 4 Donut" Mile. Someone shouted "GO" and we started eating. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I hadn't even eaten my way to the donut hole before Jacob was off and running! IT WAS INCREDIBLE! After a few more seconds, a few more people got done with their first donut and took off as well. I think I was the 6th or 7th "eater" to leave the donut eating zone. I passed everyone but Jacob on my first 2 laps.

Me running across the track. Oh yeah, I was wearing my "Tutti Frutti" shorts!
What else would I wear for a donut mile?!? :)


Champion eater Jacob running between (lapped) Kym and Bella.

After the 2nd donut, Jacob actually lapped me. He had gone 600+ meters as I was leaving after eating donut #2 having just ran 400 meters. I passed him to stay on the same lap as him. I ran back to eat donut #3 as he was finishing up his 3rd:

SUPER AWKWARD ALL AROUND! Whatever "good donut eating form" is... it's not this.

Jacob barely lapped me after donut #3, and I was 95% sure I was going to take 2nd place. I had 800 meters to go, and he had 600 meters left - that's just too much for me to try to make up, ESPECIALLY with him being such a pro eater!

Lapping Kym (for the 2nd or 3rd time).

TRUE/FUNNY STORY: Near the middle of the race, I had the horrible thought that everything the spectators were saying could be said on the set of a porno:

"Just stuff it in there!"
"Don't think about it - just do it!"
"Just ignore that little bit on your chin!"

I tried not to giggle and just kept at it. (That's what she said.)

On the final donut, Jacob left the donut eating zone shortly after I started eating, and I was determined to just cram the donut in my mouth and take off. He already had about 3/4 of a lap on me when I started my final 400 meters (so he had about 250 meters left). I gained a little ground, but it was still CLEARLY his race - he won by about a half lap.

Coming to the finish past Tom and Anne.

WAIT! LOOK AT THAT LAST PHOTO CLOSER. YOU CAN SEE THE BULGING CHEEKS OF TOM AND ANNE! THEY'VE GOT DONUTS STUFFED IN THERE! (100% legal in this race.)

Squirrel-cheeked, close-lipped, and running for glory!

OFFICIAL RESULTS:

Steve Stenzel, "4 donut race"
8:11
2nd out of 12 overall
2nd out of 4 males

I took my splits (BECAUSE I'M A NERD THAT'S WHY), and here they are:

0:38.06 eating
1:13.32 running
0:59.91 eating
1:11.69 running
0:52.41 eating
1:14.74 running
0:48.23 eating
1:13.38 running

= 8:11.74

4:53.13 total running
3:18.61 total eating

Jacob finished in 7:47 (24 seconds faster than me), and 3rd overall was the first female who finished in 10:18. Here's a photo of her moments after she finished:

Feelin' the burn glaze.


Photo that I Instagrammed of the top 3.

5 POST RACE THOUGHTS:

• This was a little harder than I thought. I've done 4 beer... err... "kitten" miles in the past, and I've also done a Donut Run 5K where I ate 15 donuts over 3.1 miles. I figured it would be noticeably easier than a kitten mile, but it was only a BIT easier. My time was a lot slower than my kitten miles: all 4 of those were over a minute faster than this donut mile (6:46, 6:48, 6:54, and 7:09). Related: CLICK HERE for my last "kitten mile" race report, and CLICK HERE for my donut run 5K race report.

• Each race claimed 1 runner. Six out of 7 finished the "half" donut mile, and 11 out of 12 finished the full donut mile.

• No one barfed, but many people (including me) choked. Near the middle of the race when I started a lap with sugary donut in my mouth, I gagged a bit on the back stretch when I nearly inhaled a marble-sized chunk that had broken off from the large chunk in my mouth.

• If I want to get better at a Donut Mile, I have to get better at breathing/working hard with something in my mouth. Please, get your mind out of the gutter. You disgust me.

• There were 2 good post-race quotes. I overheard one guy saying "I like donuts, and I like running, but..." I didn't hear where this thought ended, but I had a good clue. And Laurie said it best when she noted "if I even think about a donut in my mouth right now, I have a slight urge to vomit." It was true. I told her I was going to have a HEALTHY lunch because I felt gross.

All it took was 1 person to say "Hey Steve, you should lay down in front!"
I give in to peer pressure so easily...


Chunks of donut glaze all over the track.


More glaze in the outside lanes.


Laurie trying to clean up the sugary mess.

This was the "first annual" New Year's Eve Donut Run, so we'll see if I can improve my donut eating in another attempt at this race at the end of 2016. Happy New Year!

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