Friday Funny 54: Overheard in T2

There are so many people that I helped in T2 this past weekend at Ironman Wisconsin who I will NEVER forget. But there’s one guy that stands out (for hilarious reasons).

A few hours into my shift in T2, I found myself helping this 45-55 year old man. He was a little shorter than average, and he had a round face and round features (think of a short Santa with no beard and a smaller tummy). He was SO GRATEFUL for anything I did. “Can I dump out your transition bag?” I asked. “Yeah! Thanks man!” he replied. He replied that way to most things I asked - everything he said ended with “thanks man!”

As he was getting geared up for the run, I was helping him put his bike stuff back into his transition bag: “Do you need this anymore? Can I put it in the bag?” He’d reply with “yeah, bag it up. Thanks man!” He was so sweet and so sincere the entire time. “Want these gels with you?” “Yeah, I'll take em,' thanks man!”

As he was nearly ready to go, he asked “Hey, do you guys have any Vaseline?...” People use Vaseline in some areas to prevent chaffing: nipples, armpits, thighs, etc. “Yeah, it’s over on the ‘med table.’ I’ll be right back...”

I came running back with a container of Vaseline. “Hey thanks man,” he said again. He reached 3 fingers into the Vaseline and came out with a huge glob of goo.

It’s the next line that kills me. This soft-spoken, middle-aged man spoke up a little louder this time. He loudly stated “God, my fuckin’ balls are KILLING me!...” as he reached his 3 fingers covered in Vaseline into his shorts and smeared them all over... well... all over his “fuckin’ balls.”

I nearly exploded with laughter. I had to hold back. I think he slightly apologized for being so blunt. I didn’t care: “Well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do” I said with a smile.

I wish I got his name or number so I could check his results. I hope he finished well, and I hope his balls are A-OK!

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Update: Many of you left funny comments in the “wetsuit strippers” post from Wednesday (3 posts down). That was the post where I talked about Chris McDonald (AKA “Big Sexy”) and how I got to wear his goggles that he had dropped during my time helping peel wetsuits. (Afterwards, I placed them in his gear bag.) Some of you commented with remarks like “I wonder what Chris would think if he sees this post!”

Well, he saw the post. He actually commented. Yes he did.

Hey..... Big Sexy here :-)

This is Very very funny and steve should have just kept them as a souvenir. I will have to send him out a pair :-)

Chris

Holy crap. He’s sending me his goggles! Oh, and check out Chris McDonald’s blog. It’s so interesting for us “normals” to hear what the pros are thinking during their race. And it’s amazing that IM WI was Chris’s 29th Ironman! Thinking about that brings that slight vomit taste to the back of my mouth... ;)

Happy weekend!!