85 Ways To Tell If You’re a Triathlete

>> Monday, August 17, 2009

Here’s a great list I’ve found (and edited a little). The ones that are bold are ones that are extra true for me! Enjoy!

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A TRIATHLETE WHEN...

1. When asked, how old you are you answer 20-24.

2. When asked how long your training was today you answer: three to four hours.

3. Your training is more limited by available time then how far you can run.

4. Your first thought when you wake up is how high your rest HR is.

5. You go for a run even though there's a thunderstorm and you enjoy being wet and dirty.

6. You think it's natural to do your 'business' behind a tree in the woods.

7. You go for a 5 km cool-down run after a 5 km race just so that you can call it a training session.

8. You consider work “regeneration time” between training sessions.

9. That “something hard” between your legs is usually a pull buoy.

10. You have a water bottle when you drive your car.

11. You've forgotten how to drink out of cups.

12. You spend your 2 weeks annual vacation at a training camp.

13. You know inside out how much Protein each energy bar has.

14. You seriously consider applying for citizenship in Tonga, Jemen or Tschad so that you can participate in the Olympic games.

15. People praise you for being able to run 15 miles, but you feel insulted.

16. In the summer your legs are smoother than your girlfriend's.

17. In the winter your legs are still smoother than your girlfriend’s.

18. You need a picture for a job application and you only have race pictures.

19. You use running T-shirts to clean your bike.

20. That charming "cologne" you wear to work is chlorine.

21. You take more showers in a locker room than at home.

22. 6:30 am is “sleeping in.”

23. The dog runs and hides when you get the leash.

24. You think there are only two seasons during the year: racing and off.

25. You shave way too many body parts for a guy.

26. You can't change the oil in your car but you can completely rebuild your bike in 45 minutes.

27. You spend more $ on training and racing clothes then work clothes.

28. You spend 7 days going to 8 stores in 4 towns before buying a pair of running shoes but you take 1 afternoon to go to 1 car dealership and walk out with a new car 4 hours later.

29. When you see some lady watering her flowers and ask her if you can borrow the hose for a minute so you can fill up your water bottles.

30. You clean your bike more often than your car.

31. You've been stung be a wasp or bee in your mouth but carried on running or cycling because "your split times won’t go down by themselves."

32. Your car smells like a locker room.

33. You have everything needed in your car to be swimming, biking or running with 5 minutes notice.

34. When asked to mow the lawn in 90 degree heat, you say that it’s too hot to do that (and you mean it) and then an hour later you go on a century ride because it’s so nice out.

35. You tell your co-workers that you are going to "do a long brick" on Saturday and just expect that they know what you are talking about.

36. When a co-worker asks if you are racing this weekend, you say "yeah, but I'm just running a 10k, so that is not REALLY a race".

37. You consider you bike saddle your "couch."

38. You consider Clif Bars as one of the four food groups.

39. You are sick to your stomach at 2:00 in the morning and check the back of the Pepto Bismol bottle for caloric content and grams of carbohydrates, fat and protein.

40. You have plenty of water bottles, safety pins, and t-shirts.

41. You have trouble keeping lunch under 2000 calories.

42. You usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.

43. You like going swimming the day after a race with the permanent penned number still visible on your legs and arms because the feel like a medal.

44. Your car has at least one Power Bar wrapper and two sets of work out clothes!

45. You have a $3000 bike strapped on top of your $1500 car.

46. Your laundry continually smells like someone locked the cat in overnight.

47. Instead of Marie Clare, People, and Cosmo, you have piles of Runner's World in your bathroom.

48. You leave your apartment or house in the morning with your swim bag on one arm, bike on one shoulder, a change of clothes in another bag, and your running stuff in another bag in case you can get away at lunch for a workout.

49. You wave at other cyclists, because all triathletes are friendly and if they are not, they are probably purist cyclists trying to get into triathlons and they do not know that triathletes are friendly.

50. You have not one, not two, but three permanent chain ring scars on your right calf.

51. You are walking along a street and you signal left.

52. You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers.

53. The one "suit" you own has “Orca” written on the chest.

54. You wear your heart rate monitor during sex....

55. ...and you keep within the right HR zone.

56. You hear "T2" and don't think of the film.

57. When "foreplay" is 15 minutes on a turbo trainer.

58. Your living room has the "swim pile" and the "bike pile" and the "run pile" and the "weight room pile" and you pick and choose kind of like a cafeteria on your way out the door.

59. Your kitchen cupboards are organized into "protein", "carbs" and "etc."

60. Your company announces mandatory unpaid shutdown days - every other Friday throughout the summer - in order to cut costs and stay in business. Your response is "Great - now I can do two long workouts on the weekends and still have an easy day."

61. Your 8 year old comes home with the school record for the mile and says he took it out in a nice pace he could hold... everyone else died.

62. You can ask your mom and your sister and all other girlfriends for shaving advice...

63. ...no wait, THEY ask YOU for advice!

64. You say that you went to a race last weekend, and somebody responds "running or biking" and you are again forced to explain.

65. You wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.

66. You show up at the neighborhood pool on your bike in a Speedo and embarrass your teenage daughters. [not me yet, but it will be some day!]

67. Your idea of fast food is a Powerbar and Gu.

68. Somebody hands you a cup of water and you have to restrain yourself from pouring it on your head.

69. You catch yourself about to blow a snot rocket while walking around the office.

70. You have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day.

71. You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 meters then go for a short run.

72. At any given moment you know exactly where your heart rate monitor and your swim goggles are, but cannot remember where you left you car keys. (turns out 90% of the time they are in your bike bag)

73. When non-racer friends tell you they ran/rode, you automatically calculate their pace to see if you're still in better shape.

74. Cars pass you on the road when you're driving and you either drop back to get out of draft zone or speed up to attack!

75. You have no trouble converting mph into kmph.

76. You've stopped buying high-heels because your feet are too swollen from long runs to fit in them anyways.

77. While your less athletically-inclined girlfriends are gorging themselves on plates of lettuce, you're occupying yourself with a plate of pasta and chicken (white meat, of course.)

78. Having a period has become less of a nuisance since menstrual cramps don't feel that bad when you're hunched over a bike.

79. You've stopped wearing dangly earrings because they just get in the way when you're ripping off your clothes to squeeze "just one more" workout into your already cramped schedule.

80. Your girlfriends are insanely jealous of your tan legs. Until they realize that the tan stops at your bike shorts.

81. You've given up trying to go on training runs/rides with your boyfriends because they don't take it too well when you kick their butt.

82. A female friend gets a new bike and tells you that it's a really pretty shade of blue...

83. ...you get a new bike and can tell her the chain ring ratios.

84. When checking out people on the street, your friends notice eyes, hair, build...

85. ...you notice if they have shaved legs, if they have runners/bikers legs, and if they're wearing a race t-shirt.

Which one’s do you like? Which one’s are true for you? (And I bet many are true for non-triathletes as well...) Happy Monday!!

Updates:

86. (from Beth:) When you keep your nails trimmed so you can put on your wetsuit without tearing it.

87. (from Marit:) The "Check Engine" light comes on in your car and you ignore it for a few weeks. But AS SOON as something feels "off" or goes awry with your bike, you bring it into the shop ASAP.

88. (from Maria:) The manager of the local running shop knows you by name and expects to see you at least annually for a new pair of shoes, of which brand and size they have memorized and waiting for you.

89. (from Maria:) The manager of the local bike shop knows you by name and often picks you out riding around town by your bike.

90. (from Maria) You think your spandex is too loose.

91. (from Dave:) You think naproxen sodium must be good for your electrolytes.

92. (from Snowygrl:) You where compression clothing under your work clothes.

93. (from Stefanie:) When you feel a sudden urge to spit while running but suddely realize you are indoors on a treadmil... at the gym.

94. (from Teresa:) You put off showering post run/bike because you know you will be swimming in a few hours anyhow.

95. (from Teresa:) You have so many training bags on the passenger seat of your car that the car recognizes it as a "small child" and warns you that you need to have a seat belt secured in order to stop the annoying beep.

96. (from Teresa:) While cleaning out your bags/car you continually find salt tabs...everywhere. Then you begin to wonder if someone will think you are a drug addict.

97. (from Teresa:) Sport tops are like a purse....you can stuff anything down there (gu/keys) and it doesn't matter if you are training or not.

98. (from M-shell:) When your friends invite you to the lake for the weekend, out on the boat, and you bring your goggles, and swim cap because its a good opportunity to practice OWS, and you have plenty of spotters.

99. (from M-shell:) When one of the employees at the bike shop asks if you've lightened your hair.

100. (from nxm135:) You don't think about the albums on your MP3 player in terms of time, but of distance. Which albums should I listen to if I want to run 6 miles, 9 miles, 12 miles, etc.

101. (from mkarr0110:) When no one is looking at work you take a few moments to do some stretching.

102. (from mk29:) Everything you eat is all natural, but none of your clothes are.

103. (from mk29:) The boss sends you on a business trip and the first thing you pack is a wetsuit and bike pump.

104. (from mk29:) The airlines wants to charge you for overweight baggage so the first thing you toss are your work clothes. You can always get new work clothes at Walmart...but good training clothing is worth its' weight in gold

105. (from mk29:) Your friends try to hook you up on a blind date and the first thing you ask them is "What's her pace?"

106. (from mk29:) You see a 90.3 sticker (a local radio station) and wonder what race that is?

107. (from sax:) You delay grad school for another year because you are training for Ironman.

108. (from Swim2live:) You send in pics of road rash and healing scabs for others to enjoy and compare to.

109. (from Swim2live:) You would rather look at bike porn than naked pics of the opposite sex (well maybe not)

110. (from Swim2live:) You know that pace has nothing to do with the salsa from New York City.

111. (from Swim2live:) You know what HTFU means.

112. (from Kelly0639:) When you find out your wife is going out of town for the weekend, your first thought is, "I wonder who I can get to babysit the kids so that I can still get my long ride in?"

113. (from Pamiejane:) You put off having kids because you're training for Ironman (again).

114. (from Pamiejane:) The first thing you do when you find out your pregnant is order a BOB Ironman Stroller and have it shipped 1/2 way around the world, make sure your gym offers child care for when you swim and wonder who the heck is going to look after the baby when you go on your long rides.

115. (from mav:) When you crash on your bike and the first thing you ask ..."Is the bike alright??"

116. (from jford2309:) When driving over a bridge or past a body of water and your first thought is, "I could swim that".

117. (from vApoLY04:) You recognize your friends while out training by the bike first and the cyclist second.

33 comments:

libgyrl 8:41 AM, August 17, 2009  

Wonderful list. Gonna use some for tomorrow's post...hope you don't mind. This weekend was "rest" before taper and thus:

70. You (I) have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day.

was demonstrated. Uff, good to be back to training)

Mel-2nd Chances 9:22 AM, August 17, 2009  

LMAO, this cracked me up. #3, #10, #80, #81 all apply for me! haha

trimybest 10:55 AM, August 17, 2009  

i had way too many apply to me! but i have to say that #61 is the one im most proud of!

http://gokristen.wordpress.com 11:03 AM, August 17, 2009  

80. Your girlfriends are insanely jealous of your tan legs. Until they realize that the tan stops at your bike shorts.

That is totally me! I can't wear shorts anymore that are shorter than my bike shorts! But I am very proud of my tan lines, it means I have been riding!

Beth 11:54 AM, August 17, 2009  

I knew I was a triathlete when I cut off my long fingernails because I didn't want to put a hole in my wetsuit. Love your list!

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach 12:16 PM, August 17, 2009  

LOVE IT! I would have to add:

-The "Check Engine" light comes on in your car and you ignore it for a few weeks. But AS SOON as something feels "off" or goes awry with your bike - you bring it into the shop ASAP.

I read that once and thought it was so true...

Thanks for making me laugh!!! :)

TriGirl Kate O 1:15 PM, August 17, 2009  

I've totally caught myself ready to blow a snot rocket while walking to a nice restaurant on date night w/ the hubby. I have also looked around for a good place to "pop a squat" and pee while out walking the dog....

Kim 3:13 PM, August 17, 2009  

45. You have a $3000 bike strapped on top of your $1500 car

ummm that is EXACTLY how much i paid for both. HA!

Keith 3:28 PM, August 17, 2009  

So Steve how can you NOT bold 16, 17, and 25 when you've posted photos??
31 happened to me in my last race, on my tongue. It really swelled up for a while, but was back to normal by the time the run came along.

X-Country2 3:37 PM, August 17, 2009  

Those are awesome! The snot rocket one is so me.

Maria 3:45 PM, August 17, 2009  

the manager of the local running shop knows you by name and expects to see you at least annually for a new pair of shoes, of which brand and size they have memorized and waiting for you.

the manager of the local bike shop knows you by name and often picks you out riding around town by your bike.

Maria 3:46 PM, August 17, 2009  

you think your spandex is too loose.

Dave M 4:11 PM, August 17, 2009  

#88. You think naproxen sodium must be good for your electrolytes.

snowygrl 5:30 PM, August 17, 2009  

#89 you were compression clothing under your work clothes

M 5:34 PM, August 17, 2009  

yes, yes, and yes to almost all!

the best is that the "check engine" light HAS been on in my 8-year-old car for about two months, and I do nothing - but my bike has issues at the race this past weekend, and it goes to the shop.

absolutely hysterical!

Stefanie 5:41 PM, August 17, 2009  

How about...

When you feel a sudden urge to spit while running but suddely realize you are indoors on a treadmil... at the gym.

Been there done that

jen 6:06 PM, August 17, 2009  

Hilarious! Several of these apply to me and Zach. Um, how about When you're too worn out from training/racing to think of anything clever. :P

Karen 6:28 PM, August 17, 2009  

LOVE #76.. I'm wearing flip flops to work every day now.

Teresa 7:59 PM, August 17, 2009  

Several apply to me ;)

Here's some more:

You put off showering post run/bike because you know you will be swimming in a few hours anyhow.

You have so many training bags on the passenger seat of your car that it (the car) recognizes it as a "small child" and warns you that you need to have a seat belt secured in order to stop the annoying beep. (Tracy Robertson pointed this one out to me)

While cleaning out your bags/car you continually find salt tabs...everywhere. That you begin to wonder if someone will think you are a drug addict.

Sport tops are like a purse....you can stuff anything down there (gu/keys) and it doesn't matter if you are training or not.

tn

I Run for Fun 9:10 PM, August 17, 2009  

LOL! Very funny. I don't have any to add, because I'm not a triathlete...yet!

Julie 9:37 PM, August 17, 2009  

LOVE this...not gonna lie I'm about to steal it and put it in my blog.

Ironman By Thirty 10:42 PM, August 17, 2009  

Love it Steve. I borrowed the list for my blog and called out the ones that apply to me.

Carolina John 8:27 AM, August 18, 2009  

that's a great list. i loved all the shaving ones. my legs are always smoother than the wife's.

Got Dog Kennels 11:49 AM, August 18, 2009  

Of all athletes, I admire the triathlete the most. It would literally kill me.

Anonymous,  1:45 PM, August 18, 2009  

Wherever s/he goes, otherwise totally straight-laced strangers start whistling the music that usually accompanies the text of "He knows he's a ma-a-a-n-n," etc. NON-derisively, of course. Even when s/he's a WOMAN!

Especially?

With "fellas" like those featured in the last post, I'm really beginning to wonder if there isn't a whole lotta woman in EVERYONE'S FAVORITE IRONMAN. Wonder who THAT could be....

Anonymous,  1:55 PM, August 18, 2009  

In other words, they eat wheaties....

Regina 5:12 PM, August 18, 2009  

Hmmmmm.....I wonder if the guy I saw today doing his "business" on the subway platform was a triathlete?

John 6:00 PM, August 18, 2009  

During a company tour, the client reps explain that the sweaty guy walking down the hall in spandex shorts does triathlons and works out at lunch. No he does not wear that in the lab.

trimybest 7:22 AM, August 19, 2009  

Teresa said...

Several apply to me

You have so many training bags on the passenger seat of your car that it (the car) recognizes it as a "small child" and warns you that you need to have a seat belt secured in order to stop the annoying beep. (Tracy Robertson pointed this one out to me)"


haha this happens to me all the time!

Anonymous,  9:20 AM, August 19, 2009  

No s***t, 78/85 if you count my girlfriend for the female specific ones...Yeah, I am so ashamed.

Runner Leana 12:01 AM, August 21, 2009  

Haha, numbers 42 and 80 FOR SURE!!!!

bgddyjim 7:11 PM, January 24, 2012  

When you find out your wife is going out of town, you make her take the kids with her so you can get more miles in (I've done this more than once).

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