Friday Funny 40: Pharmie’s Rules in the Bedroom

>> Friday, June 12, 2009

For my 40th “Friday Funny” post, I thought I’d get personal. I’m not making any of this up. Really. Here are Pharmie’s 8 Rules in the Bedroom:

1. There’s no such thing as “too many blankets.” Pharmie has 2 quilts on top of her, and then 1 more quilt that’s doubled up. She says she likes the weight on her.

2. Shoulders should NOT be uncovered once covered up. This makes Pharmie real cold real quick.

3. No making fun of someone who still sleeps with a “blankie.”

4. “Sleeping time” is time for sleep, “sexy time” is time for sex - do NOT confuse the two. I sometimes have trouble with this one...

5. When snuggling Pharmie, you can’t move away too quick, or she will practically shout “Ohh... so cold!...” Really. Most of the time she doesn’t know that she says anything.

6. Long, frequent backrubs. What, is she dreaming!?!?

7. Censored. If you know me well enough, you can ask me face to face (but Pharmie won’t let me answer). You might see me blush and squirm.

8. Cold body parts are not allowed to touch Pharmie. Good thing my crotch is always radiating heat.

9, 10, 11. Forgotten. There were 3 more, but we made this list laying in bed late one night. For the life of us, we can't remember the rest...

I, on the other hand, have fewer rules for the bedroom:

1. You must ask permission to play with my navel. It’s weird if you just start diggin around in there unannounced. Let me prepare myself. (Pharmie likes to play in there.)

2. The sheets must be tucked in. They should be properly secured at the feet. The tighter, the better. That’s what she said.

3. Don’t pile the bed with an obscene amount of blankets. That goes a little against Pharmie’s #1 rule. We find a way to cope.

4. Fluff the covers after a fart. I don’t want to baste in that stank for 7 hours - get it out from under the covers!

In other news, Pharmie and I got our race packets last night for tomorrows race. Here’s the short version of yesterday evening:
- First MN open water swim of the year (first OWS since NOLA)
- Sprained my thumb taking off my wetsuit (it freakin’ HURTS!)
- Ran into Mark B, Jeremy, and Jen at packet pick-up.
- Came home to eat Pharmie’s homemade guacamole.

Oh, and if you’re here for a “visual” Friday Funny, here’s a quick funny from

Off to the races tomorrow!! Wish us luck!


Eric 5:22 AM, June 12, 2009  

Thanks for the Friday morning chuckles. Now I can start my day.

Shannon 6:01 AM, June 12, 2009  

Hilarious! Good luck with the races.

FLATOUT JIM 6:30 AM, June 12, 2009  

She let you post those on your blog?

Steve Stenzel 6:56 AM, June 12, 2009  

Yeah Jim, she did! Although she DID make me censor #7....


Jess 7:27 AM, June 12, 2009  

I think all the blankets are a hint to loosen the purse strings, and turn up the heat a bit, Steve.

CoachLiz 7:30 AM, June 12, 2009  

#8 made me laugh out loud. I think all men radiate heat out of their crotch, but for some reason, you verifying it was information I was not expecting that you would reveal about yourself. Why should I be surprised?

Oh, your #2 about the sheets is right up there with my rules. My husband does not like the sheets tucked in. As a result. The first night after the sheets have been changed is ok. The bed is easy to make. The second nght there is an increasing state or entropy and the sheets and blankets start to get messy and harder to fix up in the morning. By the fourth night is is chaos theory and it looks like the local high school wrestling team spent the night in my room.

I on the other hand have always been able to sleep in a bed for several nights at a time and slide out in the morning and with one small tug get the blankets smooth and in place and it looks like the bed was never slept in.

Good Luck tomorrow!

Greenking17 "TRI-harder" 7:35 AM, June 12, 2009  

This holds true to its name! Funny indeed! Good luck at Liberty this weekend....

Steve Stenzel 7:35 AM, June 12, 2009  

No Jess, Pharmie actually WANTS it cold in the bedroom so she CAN use lots of blankets! REALLY!!

Marlene 8:14 AM, June 12, 2009  

AHAHAHAHA, those are some great rules.

Good luck tomorrow!

Ms. Caddywumpus 8:18 AM, June 12, 2009  

I would like to add:
No socks or pants allowed under the covers, even at nap time EVER. It's just wrong.

Have a great time tomorrow!

tfh 8:40 AM, June 12, 2009  

Ah, but doesn't #6 lead to somewhat more flexibility with #4?

Good luck this weekend!

Michelle 8:42 AM, June 12, 2009  

I am so relieved that you fluff the blankets after you fart!! Just makes so much sense to me.

Also, the navel thing: PRICELESS!!!

Good luck tomorrow dude!!! To both you and Pharmie!

X-Country2 9:32 AM, June 12, 2009  

You guys are so wonderfully odd, I love it. A perfect match! Good luck this weekend.

Viper 10:34 AM, June 12, 2009  

I'm weird about my navel too. If I ever see you at a race in Ohio, I will ask about No. 7. You've been warned. Good luck at the races.

I Run for Fun 12:09 PM, June 12, 2009  

Good luck at the race! Hope the thumb feels better!

LOL! The rules are too funny. My hubby has the "cold body parts not allowed" rule too. I love breaking that makes him mad!

Borsch 1:26 PM, June 12, 2009  

Wow...that pic at the bottom is prolly something I would do...


Cy 3:22 PM, June 12, 2009  

Tucked in sheets-REALLY ?!?

Good luck tomorrow-I assume you're doing Liberty-If so I'll see you out there.

Thanks for the comic relief-I knew right were to go.

teacherwoman 6:53 PM, June 12, 2009  

Those are too funny!

Good luck tomorrow! :)

Irish Cream 8:21 PM, June 12, 2009  

Hahaha! I feel like I know y'all so much better now that I know your Rules in the Bedroom! :)

Best of luck to you and Pharmie tomorrow!!

jen 10:56 PM, June 12, 2009  

Hilarious! You guys are so cute. Good luck this weekend!! :)

Maggs 1:18 AM, June 13, 2009  

The first thing I do in a bed is to untuck the sheets. They get tucked directly under my feet. More secure that way.

Good luck at the race.

Steve Stenzel 4:42 AM, June 13, 2009  

"tucked directly under my feet" ?!??!

That would NEVER do!


sRod 8:16 AM, June 21, 2009  

I guess all couples have certain bed rules. I, for one, can't stand tucked in sheets--it makes it too warm!

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