I Just Remembered...

>> Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When I was finishing my run at the indoor triathlon a few weeks ago, I grabbed the heart-rate monitor handles on the treadmill so I didn’t collapse when I was finished. The screen immediately started scrolling something like this across it:


I don’t know what my heart-rate was, but I’m sure it was through the roof. And the machine wanted me to stop. But I have a theory: the machines want to keep us from getting TOO fit so that when they start to take over the world, there will be less resistance from super-fit humans.

That’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it.

But maybe I’ve seen “Terminator 2” too many times...


FLATOUT JIM 4:40 AM, March 25, 2009  

Thank Goodness a siren didn't go off and the machine didn't say something like


Anonymous,  4:41 AM, March 25, 2009  

I think it's a pretty valid theory. The t-mill at my gym would curiously just shut off when I got into a good rhythm. The claim was that it had an electrical shortage that needed repair, but I'm beginning to see it your way...

Shannon 5:22 AM, March 25, 2009  

My Garmin has readings that scroll across like...

"Your way to slow, speed up."
"You Rock Sista."
my favorite
"That's the way it's done girl!"

It just knows...which is eery.

nwgdc 6:23 AM, March 25, 2009  

Wow...can't say I've ever seen or heard of that. I'd love for that to happen to me. Not sure I'd be so brazen as to brag about it, though.

Ha Ha, Just kidding! Nice run! Look out, Nawwlens!

Mel-2nd Chances 6:54 AM, March 25, 2009  

LOL funny. Good theory. I've seen it say that it's not recommended to run while holding onto the handles... probably the TM wanting to fall off the back of it :)

Marlene 7:41 AM, March 25, 2009  

Have you seen Wall-E? Just reminded me of the world full of un-fit humans who don't even get out of their electric chairs...

Unknown 7:41 AM, March 25, 2009  

If I got a message like that I might take it as a sign to never ever get on a treadmill again.

RunningLaur 7:45 AM, March 25, 2009  

That'd make me feel like I hadn't done a really good workout until it told me to quit again.

Tri-James 8:14 AM, March 25, 2009  

I see that message when running at more than like 3.5 MPH - it says it is unsafe to hold the handles at high speeds.

mthead 8:25 AM, March 25, 2009  

this one time, on a long run, my heart rate monitor just kept getting tighter and tighter until I could barely breathe. My face was red, my breathing was raspy, I just picked up the pace, ran home into my kitchen, and cut the damn thing off with a cleaver. It landed on the floor - in the shape of a smile. I don't use it anymore.

sRod 8:30 AM, March 25, 2009  

I love that theory!

Amy 9:29 AM, March 25, 2009  

Hilar. T minus 12 and counting to NO.

Anonymous,  9:46 AM, March 25, 2009  

You must have really been hauling *ss on that thing! I HATE treadmills (see my blog), so the screen would have said...


...or something like that.

tfh 10:02 AM, March 25, 2009  

Treadmills taking over the world-- may I never live to see the day.

Felice Devine 10:15 AM, March 25, 2009  

Did you just find the root of the obesity problem???

21stCenturyMom 10:25 AM, March 25, 2009  

Live it, man! And DO NOT buy a Roomba. You never know when you'll come home and find the locks on the doors have been changed.

X-Country2 10:49 AM, March 25, 2009  

That's one bossy treadmill!

Calyx Meredith 10:52 AM, March 25, 2009  

Love it! Of course it would have scared me and I would have listened to it and probably never gotten near a treadmill again - but brave you! Way to beat the machine logic!

Katie 11:10 AM, March 25, 2009  

Too funny -- thanks for the laugh! :-)

Charisa 11:20 AM, March 25, 2009  

haha! You're going to have to do it again to find out what the HR was! :)

Aron 11:21 AM, March 25, 2009  

lol looove that theory :)

jen 11:28 AM, March 25, 2009  

That's crazy! They probably are trying to keep us down.

Terminator 2, Wall E....for some reason I'm thinking of that movie Maximum Overdrive. You know, where the semis get minds of their own? Sigh.

Eric 11:57 AM, March 25, 2009  

LOL....I tried that at the Y and the t-mill said the handles wouldn't work at the speed I was at.

bury that t-mill into the ground.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg 11:58 AM, March 25, 2009  

Pffftt! Like I'm gonna take advice from a machine that let's anyone walk all over it!

Have some self-respect, treadmill! Then maybe we'll talk.

Jess 12:14 PM, March 25, 2009  

I think you're right: The machines are already building up an offensive strategy.

The Boring Runner 12:14 PM, March 25, 2009  

I can't help but wonder what would have happened if instead of the warning it slammed to a stop...

I'll bet with your pace/gait you would gone flying over the display end over end like a football RB getting hit hard at the ankles.

Come on, where are the pictures of that!?

Anonymous,  12:51 PM, March 25, 2009  

Sounds like a logical theory to me...

... but then, I've watched Terminator 2 a whole lot myself.

Unknown 2:44 PM, March 25, 2009  

It sounds like the machine hasn't come across very many real athletes. It must have been confused.

Bad machine...bad!

allyson 3:49 PM, March 25, 2009  

I have been reading your blog for some time now. I like reading your training stories, seeing pictures and race reports.

Anyway, I cant believe the treadmill said that. That is nuts

Melanie 7:37 PM, March 25, 2009  

Oh goodness, something similar happened to me today. I never touch the handles on the treadmill, and today was no exception. However, during the last half mile of only a 3.5 mile run, the screen kept changing to say "Heart rate dangerously high!" I couldn't figure out how it thought that when I hadn't even touched the thing. Interesting theory you have...

Coach Liz 12:11 AM, March 26, 2009  

Yes, it is a big conspiracy. It falls in there with the conspiracy to convince people that High Fructose Corn Suryp is actually healthy for you. Have you seen those TV commercials???

I about fell out of my chair the first time I saw it. And the WHO wonders why Americans are obese.

Keith 12:40 PM, March 26, 2009  

I for one welcome the arrival of our electronic workout overlords. Perhaps they'll get to the point where they take some readings at the starting line, declare a winner, and we can all avoid that icky sweating.

(for the humour impaired of you, that's sarcasm, with a hint of satire.)

Lindsay 8:12 PM, March 26, 2009  

how do you come up with this stuff? i hope you added on at least another 10 minutes of running to show the tm who's boss

Stace 11:14 PM, March 26, 2009  

I like your theory, but I think if you're TOO fit, then you don't need the treadmill. At that point the poor machine would be forced to self-destruct.

Run For Life 6:37 PM, March 28, 2009  

That is hilarious! I think I have found a new treadmill running goal for myself, haha.

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