Friday Funny 163: Baby Basics

>> Friday, February 25, 2011

At Pharmie's first OB visit, she was given a free book called "Baby Basics."

This book is meant to apply to EVERYONE, so there are some issues discussed that Pharmie and I found pretty hilarious. These are 100% true - the following are 6 actual scans from the book.

We found out that Pharmie is NOT supposed to get high, even though this might be when she needs it the most:

And she's NOT supposed to listen to her friends:

I have no words for this one:

Wait, EVERYONE'S baby can't be the most beautiful baby in the world!
This logic makes no sense. I'm confused....

We've been joking about this one all winter:

This book even contains some "Tips for Dad." Here's a good one:

"MAYBE EVEN MORE!!!" Awesome.

Note to Pharmie: get ready for a backrub tonight. I'll be ready for a kiss, and maybe even more. (Like some tongue.)

Finally, this is one of the last ones in the book. I have no words for this:

"Most nipples are ready when you are." Noted.

Shouldn't there be some sort of test you have to take before you get to make a baby? This book makes me think so. ;)


Decaf Jen 1:10 PM, February 25, 2011  

No. Your nipples are NEVER ready (Except for maybe yours if you don't wear nip guards during a marathon) Heck you can buy shields for the poor things.

gene @boutdrz 1:11 PM, February 25, 2011  

ummm... isn't the "maybe something more" how you got pregnant in the first place? or maybe it was the drinking and drugs. hellooooo, closing the barn door a bit late, aren't we? ahahahaha...
yea, enjoy, man. that's all i can say.
and while you're at it, why not toughen your nipples too? i have an extra wash cloth....

Stefanie 1:11 PM, February 25, 2011  


I seriously think my co-workers are going to wonder about my sanity. best laugh ever!

Laura 1:19 PM, February 25, 2011  

Was this authored by the stars of Teen Mom?

Anonymous,  1:31 PM, February 25, 2011  

Thanks for the afternoon laugh Steve - I needed that one! Great post!

Maggs 1:45 PM, February 25, 2011  

OMG. I have to get this book for a friend who is pregnant.

Sara Cox Landolt 2:00 PM, February 25, 2011  

THIS was excellent, thanks! Laughing and laughing.

April 2:47 PM, February 25, 2011  

Wow, that's so much funnier than the one I got from my Park Nicollet doctor! I'm jealous.

Kim 2:48 PM, February 25, 2011  

i just read this post to my coworker, and we are laughing hysterically.

bethtrue 3:10 PM, February 25, 2011  

Seriously that is the craziest advice book i've ever heard of! Wow! Who wrote that? I can't believe the OB gave that to you guys with a straight face. :-) Well good luck following all that heartfelt advice.

JP Severin 3:34 PM, February 25, 2011  

Wow...."hurt them any way you can"... That is the craziest advice ever regarding nipples. Most baller post ever.

Krista 3:48 PM, February 25, 2011  

Wow. I am speachless...

Lani 4:21 PM, February 25, 2011  

If your doctor gave you this you need a new doctor. Seriously, was this written for 15 year olds?

Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous,  5:34 PM, February 25, 2011  

My nipples were ready. But that backrub thing is BS! That kind of action is what got you into this situation.

Regina 5:55 PM, February 25, 2011  

Ha! I'm sorry I didn't find this book when I was preggo, ha!

And no need for a book before you get pregnant. I mean, hell, you need a lisence to drive, to fish and to hunt, but anyone can have a baby!

Matt 9:58 PM, February 25, 2011  

Yes, the book is funny.

But to be honest, I couldn't get past the atrocious use of the em-dash in the first excerpt. The em-dash is my favorite punctation mark, so I can be persnickety about such things.

Austin 10:36 PM, February 25, 2011  

my nipples are ready when i am.

hilarious. thanks.

Sharen,  5:20 AM, March 06, 2011 the book saying that I am supposed to abuse my nipples until they're calloused or is it saying that that's a myth? I don't have a washcloth, can I just slap them with my hubbies wet speedos when he gets back from the pool? Maybe I'll just work on one of them until you fill us in with more information...

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