Friday Funny 871: Lying to Your Kids

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Friday Funny 870: Valentines Fails

Being Valentines Day is just around the corner (OH GOD I JUST REALIZED IT'S TOMORROW), I thought I'd share some horrible attempts at romance from HappyPlace:

1. This guy with hearts shaved into his body hair:

2. This chocolate penis cake that shoots money:

3. These bitter Valentine's cookies from a jilted baker:

4. These free flowers from a man who was stood up by his date:

5. This blunt message in rose petals on a hotel bed:

6. This poorly-worded spa ad:

No, Mom, I'm not going to explain this one to you.

7. This Valentine with a horrifying reference:

8. This getaway offer featuring discounted Carrot Top tickets:

9. This laziest Valentine imaginable:

10. This billboard featuring Georgia's best deal:

11. This barely legible proposal written on a pizza:

12. This candlelight dinner at McDonald's, with music by Ron:

13. This heart-shaped steak from Texas:

14. This travel agency that wants you to enjoy the delights of Europe:

Lots more funny stuff on steveinaspeedo.tumblr.com!

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Thirsty (for knowledge) Thursday: A strength workout for runners that you can do anywhere with no equipment

A running coach recently wrote an article on Runner's World about fitting in some running-specific strength work when you have little time or when you're on the road. You can find all the details in that link above, but below is the main gist of the workout. Do each move for 1 minute, and you'll get in a nice workout in 10 or 20 minutes that targets what you need it to as a runner.

As you go, you can eventually mix up the routine during the week to include one of each sequence. It’s amazing how just a little change in the exercise order can make for a different challenge in the body.

Runner’s Strength Workout 1.0

• Squat and Calf Raise: Standing with your feet hip-width apart, sit back and lower down into squat position focusing on keeping your weight back over your heels. Press and extend your legs, and then press up onto your toes for a calf raise. Lower and repeat slowly for one minute.
• Push Up + Plank Hold: Start in modified push up position on your hands and knees (unless you perform push ups regularly). Press up and extend the arms straight, hold for 5 seconds with a neutral body alignment (plank), and lower slowly back down. Repeat for 1 minute.
• Lunges (60 seconds each leg): Stagger your feet front and back and about hip width apart. Take an exaggerated step forward. Keeping your core in good alignment, bend the front knee 90-degrees until the thigh is parallel with the floor. Make sure the knee is over the ankle and not beyond the toes. Pause and push through your front heel to return to starting position and repeat for one minute. Perform one minute on each side.
• Plank (30 seconds): Lie face down with your forearms on the floor. Push up so your elbows are under your shoulders and arms bent at 90 degrees. Hold your body in a straight line from your head to your feet.
• Side Plank (30 seconds each side): Shift to your side on your elbow and feet, and hold the lateral plank for 30 seconds. Repeat on the other side.
• Plank (30 seconds): See above.
• Single Leg T-Raise (60 seconds each leg): Stand on your left leg with your arms at your sides. Keep your right leg straight and bend forward from the hips, raising your right leg behind you to form a “T” out of your body. Hold for 5 seconds. Lower and repeat on the other side, alternating sides for 1 minute.
• Bridge: Lie on your back with your hands by your sides on the floor. Using your gluteal muscles (bum), squeeze and lift your hips off the floor until you make a line from your knees to your hips and shoulders. Pause for a few seconds and lower your hips back to the floor while continuing to press in to the ball. Repeat for 1 minute.
• Jack Knife Crunches: Lay on your back with your arms over your head and your legs bent with feet on the floor. Crunch and extend your legs slowly straight up towards the ceiling, and reach your hands towards your toes and slowly lower back down to starting position. Focus on keeping your core contracted and low back on the floor.
• Fire Hydrants (30 seconds on each side): On your hands and knees, slowly raise your right bent leg up to the side, pause and hold for 2 seconds, then slowly release down. Repeat on both sides.
• Superman: Lie face down on the floor with your arms over your head and legs straight. Lift your arms and legs off the floor and hold for 5 seconds, then release. Repeat for 1 minute.

This may not look all that fancy on your screen, but I promise you it is a simple way to get regular strength work into a busy lifestyle, anywhere in the world. A little strength goes a long way in keeping you fit, strong and running injury-free.

Print this off and put a copy in your suitcase so you’ll have it for your next trip.

For more "Thirsty Thursday" posts that highlight workouts, body science, and all kinds of interesting information, CLICK HERE.

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We're Back...

Devon recently broke this news on his blog:

The Best Friends Relay of Steve “Steven” Stenzel, Jeremy Reichenberger and myself will reunite this summer! We are coming back and we’re going to be better friends than ever before.

We have a race in mind, but it's not 100% certain yet. Just keep an eye or for us in the Metro area.

Being I've been making solid progress in the pool, I'll be the swimmer. Devon's slightly better-than-average looking, but he's a much better-than-average cyclist, so he'll bike. And always photogenic Jeremy has really been running a lot, so he'll stick to that:

Jeremy's instagram: "January recap: 233 miles! & the streak continues..."
That's a LOT of miles! And it includes a 1:21 13.1 PR (in the middle of the winter)!

Get ready to cheer us on this summer. It should be epic.

p.s. If you were unaware, we teamed up as the "Best Friends" team for the Waconia Triathlon last year. Devon was still a solid biker, but Jeremy hadn't been running as much, and I hadn't been swimming as much. We have loftier goals this year - for racing and for our friendship. #Bromance

Receiving our 1st place relay medals last year at Waconia.

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4 Random Notes

• 1: TRAINING UPDATES:

Not too much new here: still running when I can, and my right hip/sacrum is still achy at times (running or not). My ankle is still sore, but it's getting better month-by-month - it's not holding me back.

And I'm still making gains in the pool. This past week, I did 16x100 with a longer break than I used to (0:30 instead of 0:20). I averaged 1:24.5 / 100, which was exactly 2 seconds faster/100 than when I had 0:20 rest just 2 weeks before. Just for some long-term comparison, back in July of 2014, I did only 10x100 with 0:30 rest with a 1:26.2 average. Back in July of 2011, I did 10x100 with over 0:30 rest with a 1:25.2 average. I looked back to July of 2010 when I tried to do 10x100 with 0:30 rest with some middle school swimmers. I had to skip the 6th and 9th interval, but I had a crazy fast average of 1:22.8 for the 8 that I did. Maybe I can aim to get my 10x100 (or even 15x100) times down to that by the middle of summer. Maybe. Probably not. But possibly.


• 2: ROOT BEER:

Recently, Henry and I brewed our first batch of homemade root beer. Here's a quick photo from this post on my root beer blog of Henry with our finished gallon of root beer before it was bottled and left to ferment for a few days:

Oh yeah, he's pantless... as he usually is.

Check out a bunch of photos of us brewing our first batch of root beer on my root beer blog.


• 3: CHARLIE:

As I mentioned in my last post, we had Grandpa Clem's funeral on Friday. My sister snapped a cute photo of my folks with Charlie after the funeral as we were all eating:

• 4: UPCOMING EXHIBITION:

As I just announced on my photo blog, I recently found out I was one of about 40 artists selected (from the nearly 350 pieces entered) to be in an alumni exhibition at the Form+Content Gallery in Minneapolis:

I've actually done a lot of work to get this event to happen as part of CVA Action (the non-profit group that I'm the vice president of). I had nothing to do with picking the work, so don't call foul! (The juror was the Executive Director at the Minnesota Museum of American Art.) I was on the exhibition committee working to get the process underway, and I worked with the designer to get the postcards done. I'm also helping to get a night of lectures given by local artists and designers put together - look for that on March 21st. But in the meantime, stop by the Form+Content Gallery on the 28th of this month for the opening! I'll be there exhibiting with some other great artists.

Have a great week!

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R.I.P. Grandpa Clem

My dear Grandpa Clem passed away on Tuesday night. I posted this on Facebook on Wednesday:

"Grandpa Clem lost his fight with cancer late last night. We're all sad, but we're happy he's
not suffering anymore. Thank you so much to my great aunt Barb Stenzel for being by his side
as he took his last, peaceful breath. He had such a great life, and I have so many fantastic
memories: Grandpa taught me to drive, fish, hunt, and play cribbage. (And he taught Sarah how to
properly pitch a horseshoe - bottom left.) Henry and I got to visit and say goodbye on Thursday
night, knowing that he probably didn't have much more time. We miss you, Grandpa."

If you've been around a while, you might remember this pic of Grandpa and I taking 2nd in a bean bag toss tournament from a few years back (first seen in this post):

And some of the other pics were from when Pharmie and I visited Grandpa and Grandma at their "snow bird" trailer in Mesa a few years ago (that you've maybe seen in this post or this post).

With baby Henry 3 years ago: 4 generations of the oldest Stenzel men. (Grandpa was the
oldest of 4, Dad was the oldest of 3, I was the oldest of 2, and Henry is the oldest of 2 [so far].)

Yesterday, we had Grandpa's funeral. I only picked up my camera once we got to the cemetery, and I took these 2 photos after everyone except family had left:

Grandma putting a flower on his casket.


We all put a flower on his casket and left him at peace.

We love you Grandpa.

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Friday Funny 869: Vulcan Boyfriends

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Friday Funny 868: Drinking Games

Well, college is back in session, and I'm back to teaching. To celebrate, let's get drunk:

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Friday Funny 867: Muscular Legs

Ladies, here's the proper response to guys who feel the need to comment on your legs:

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Thirsty (for knowledge) Thursday: An Early-Season Brick Workout

In today's Thirsty Thursday post, I'm FORCING you to start thinking about triathlon season.

Triathlete Mag shared a quick 1-hour early-season brick workout to get your legs STARTING to THINK about triathlons coming up. The goal of this early-season brick is to ease your body back into running efficiently off the bike. "It isn’t all about being fit, it’s equally important for your body to have the skill to run off the bike," coach Mike Portman says. "So this quick multiple brick workout is great to teach the body to get used to the feeling of working hard while switching between sports." Here's Portman's workout:

Early-Season Brick Workout
Warm-up
Bike: 10 min easy spin
2x(30 sec hard, 30 sec easy), 3 min easy

Main Set
Do 2x through:
Bike: 10 min at Olympic effort or greater

(Quickly put on running shoes)

Run: 6 min at Olympic effort

Rest 4 min before getting back on bike

Cool-down
Bike: 5–10 min easy spin

That seems easy. Not BAD easy, but just a nice ease into the leg-burning world of multisport. It's similar to that crazy bike, run, bike, run, bike, run, bike, run duathlon workout that I like to do out of my garage in the summer. But it's only 2 rounds (not 4), and that 4 minute break in this early-season workout would help make it easier. It's never too soon to start thinking about tri season!

p.s. I actually rode my trainer again! That's 2 times in 6 days! Now I need to keep that up.

For more "Thirsty Thursday" post featuring workouts, body science, and all kinds of good information, CLICK HERE.

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Subway's Dodgeball Triathlon Video

You've maybe seen this recent triathlon commercial from Subway:

Direct link: http://youtu.be/q9MKRQ-xh0A

The best part of it is that toughdodger.com is an actual website.

For an "actual" triathlon.

Wait, maybe it's not real. The course map looks fishy:

I'm not concerned about the "free hugs" stations, but more so the fact that the bike appears to
start about a mile from the swim finish, and the run starts nearly 2 miles from the bike finish.

At the bottom of the website, I found this legalese:

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This event may not have ever happened and may not ever happen. It's a parody. This is just here so we don't get fined. Plus applicable taxes!

Well, I should have known it wasn't real from the video. I mean, that whole thing was fishy. First, we see him coming out of the water clearly in 3rd-to-last position:

But then transition is still FULL of bikes:

Not to mention WHERE IS EVERYBODY'S STUFF?!? If everyone is still swimming (contradictory
to the last issue), they should have bike shoes and running shoes still in transition.

But then while biking, he has at least 6 people behind him:

Did he pass all those people? He doesn't seem like that strong of a biker. Maybe they were just spending time in the "free hugs" stations, and he passed them. Yep, that's probably it.

Anyway, someone needs to make a race like this happen.

Liabilities shmy-abilities.

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A Swim/Bike/Run Within 20 Hours!

That's right. It was a good weekend.

Henry was at my Mother-in-law's place for a few days, so it was a bit quieter around here. Friday night, I hopped on the trainer for the first time this winter. When I went to grab my bike shoes, I found a half-eaten Powerbar still in it from the Treadman Duathlon last September:

Oops. But still surprisingly tasty for being soaked in "foot juices" for 4+ months.

I didn't do anything too drastic - I just started spinning while watching a Looney Toons DVD that I checked out from the library for Henry:

The first cartoon was appropriate - it was when Elmer Fudd was a nature photographer.


It also had one where Wile E. Coyote paints a tunnel. Classic.

After the first 2 cartoons, I decided to do some sprints between the cartoons, as you can see in my heartrate from my Fitbit:

So those 38 minutes were a good intro to my trainer for the winter. Time to do more.

Then I did that 50x50 swim that I like on Saturday morning. That swim took me to 22,500 yards for the month of January, or my biggest month in nearly 5 years. (I wrote about STILL getting faster in the pool in my post over the weekend, and yes, this 50x50 workout was the fastest I'd ever done it too!)

The forecast was calling for some possibly slushy snow (not a lot) on Saturday night or Sunday morning, so I decided to go for a run on Saturday afternoon. I did 6 easy-to-easy/moderate miles in 44 mins. So that was a trainer ride, 2500 in the pool, and a 6 mile run in less than 24 hours. Nice.

Oh, and then we went to a baptism party for Weston, our newest nephew. Here's Charlie and his great grandpa Hap - both with excellent hair:

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