Are You Faster Than J Lo?

>> Monday, September 15, 2008

Jennifer Lopez finished the 2008 Malibu Triathlon yesterday. She did the sprint course. Here were her splits:

1/2 Mile Swim: 20:52
T1: 6:09
18 Mile Bike: 1:14:36
T2: 3:09
4 Mile Run: 38:51
Total: 2:23:38

She had the slowest T1 time of all of the “celebrities” that competed. And a quick overview of all the results show that she was near the bottom of all T1 times. Do you know why? Because she’s a diva! But you need to say that last line correctly. Say it like this:

Now, say it with that inflection, but say “DIVA” with wide eyes and jazz-hands. There. Perfect. Ha!

I wonder if she had to primp, curl, or airbrush anything in T1. I’m a notoriously slow transitioner, and my T1 for my last Half Ironman (which included a 68 stair climb up from the beach) was 3:51. Take that, Jenny from the Block! Boo-yah!

*Good-Natured Rant Complete*

*Beginning Super Pissed Off Rant*

Today, around the noon-hour, there was a press conference at the site of the new I-35 Bridge that is about to open. (If you remember, just over a year ago, the I-35 bridge over the Mississippi in Minneapolis fell into the river during rush hour.) I was able to listen to about 35 minutes of the press conference between classes.

This press conference pissed me off.

It was politician after politician (I think I heard about 6 or 7) talking about how their bipartisan effort helped to get funding super quick for the new bridge. Each politician talked about the 13 people who died (and 100 who were injured) for about 6% of their speech. The other 94% was spent gloating about how great of a job all of them and they colleges did after the bridge fell to get the new one started.

I WAS SO PISSED OFF. I was livid.

How about working together like that all the time? How about coming up with the funding to keep bridges from falling into the Mississippi in the first place? How about recognizing the numerous families affected by loss of life or lifelong injury due to the collapse? How about you stop bragging about how well you responded to other peoples death and misfortune?

It didn’t matter if they were Democrat or Republican - it was all the same. Each used the same tag words: “bipartisan” this, and “working-across-the-aisle” that. And they barely mentioned the tragic loss of life.

This is why I hate politics.

I missed the evening news tonight, but I’ll bet the contents of my wallet that they showed a great sound bite from some politician about “how tragic it was that it happened in the first place,” even though 90% of the press conference wasn’t about that at all. It was political jockeying.

People died. Politicians, stop using this to further your career. Do your fucking job. And if you’re so happy how you handled this situation (so "bipartisan" and "in everyone's best interest"), try doing that every day at work. Pull your collective heads out of your collective asses.

Sorry for the rant. I’ll be back with some fun race photos shortly.


GoBigGreen 8:00 PM, September 15, 2008  

So how many SHRIMPS was that? Like 80? 20 per plate? and most important to me is did the biscuits have butter? Honey? or Honey Butter ideally?

Sorry you had a poopy day. The pool was too hot for me today..maybe you were in there earlier before the dancing ladies and the dancing instructor who knocks me in the head trying to take the lap lane.


Wedgie 8:06 PM, September 15, 2008  

I ran Malibu. I beat J-Lo. Of course the press is going to follow her, but I thought the race announcers also gave her too much attention. they were always thanking her and saying how honored they were that she was there. What about the other celebrities? The age-groupers were thanked properly, but it just seemed odd that they specifically singled out J-Lo amongst the celebrities.

However, to be fair, there's nothing wrong with a 2:23 finish. I have friends who finish in about that time. And I had real slow transition times in my first Tri. (I still do!) And J-Lo DID raise $170,000 for charity because of the race. I don't think all of the other celebrities combined raised that much.

Yes, bridge politicians suck.

Anapico 8:56 PM, September 15, 2008  

I did Malibu, too. I beat J-Lo by a few minutes.

I read somewhere a few weeks ago that she was struggling with the swim and dreading it. I can relate to that. After finishing a very anxiety-ridden swim you are beat and it's a long slog up the beach through soft sand to get to T1. That might explain the long transition time. Mine was over 4 minutes.

I don't understand why people feel the need to attack her so hard for doing this triathlon. It's known as the Celebrities Tri, and she was the biggest celebrity there by far. She did the event, it was her first triathlon, she finished, she probably felt the elation of accomplishment that we've all felt through triathlon. Bully for her.

Herself, the GeekGirl 8:57 PM, September 15, 2008  

I think J-Lo may be the only person in the world that I'm faster than. But I'm still glad she did it. I'm hoping for some glam triathlon clothing designs from her.

Steve Stenzel 9:04 PM, September 15, 2008  


I'm not attacking her, but I'm still appalled at what she said during the Olympics when she basically said:

"Why is everyone paying so much attention to Michael Phelps when we KNOW he can win a gold medal?! I'm a recent mother doing a triathlon in a few weeks! Why isn't anyone paying attention to me?"

That's not a direct quote, but that was COMPLETELY the jist of what she was saying. I just can't imaging having her "diva mentality" about everything she does. I guess I more attracted to "normal maintenance" women.

But yes, I do think it's great that she raised so much money. That's using her powers for good!

Adam 9:04 PM, September 15, 2008  

Couldn't agree with you more regarding piece-of-shit politicians. I'm oh so close to going on a big rant right here, so I'll log off before it gets ugly;)

Meg 9:21 PM, September 15, 2008  

Dude, to get that booty out of a wetsuit? It might take a little bit!
Yeah I agree about the politicians, they totally miss the point most of the time!

Anapico 9:21 PM, September 15, 2008  

Yeah, I'm appalled by that, too. Stupid diva comment, for sure. I didn't mean that you were attacking her. It seems like I've read nothing but "J-Lo! J-Lo!" today and all of it has been negative and largely about how slow she was. Like if you're not fast you shouldn't be out there.

One thing that does irritate me about most of the celebrities at this event is how they arrange it so they look good, no matter what. Like this:
Anna ran a fine time herself but teamed with Dara Torres(!) do the swim and Katya Myers, a pro triathlete, do the bike. No wonder they took first place. It's more impressive to me that J-Lo, diva though she certainly is, did the whole event herself.

Charlotte 9:48 PM, September 15, 2008  

First - the part that annoys me about the J. Lo story (besides that awful Michael Phelps hating) is how she keeps insisting she did it all herself with no help. Girlfriend had help. I don't care if you don't actually call the person watching your children "the nanny" or "my unemployed husband." It's still an advantage and one she should be grateful for. That all said - I am glad she did and impressed she did it for charity.

As for the bridge speeches, I listened to about 5 minutes on the radio today and changed the channel because I was so fed up with the pandering. Did you read the stuff in the paper leading up to it? Ridic.

Duners2 10:15 PM, September 15, 2008  

She ran faster than me.

Sonia 10:26 PM, September 15, 2008  

I suck at converting miles in km and paces etc. so I think that we're at the same level, you know me and J.Lo hand in hand... same level lol

Did you see what she was wearing?? And the pedals on her bike? WOW! LMAO

As far as politics its all bullcrap.

RunBubbaRun 10:57 PM, September 15, 2008  

The funny thing was, after looking at the pic of her on the bike, I was wondering with all that money what kind of gear she would have.

Yes, she raised money, good for her for finishing, hopefully she did it solo enough without a big entourage, then that would be a little to much..

Ahh politics, don't even get me started. Ouer governors sucks the big wanker.

Unknown 10:59 PM, September 15, 2008  

J Lo in transition... I'd like to see that. Although most of her doing anything active "all by herself" would be quite entertaining!

And a big AMEN to your rant on politicians! :) Nuff said!

Erin Leigh 11:05 PM, September 15, 2008  

Wow she actually did it!!! Good for her. I can't wait to see the pics.

I hear you about them doing something before a tragic accident happens. The bridge they just fixed by our house had chunks falling into the water for years. Yes bridges cost a lot of money but we need them!!!

Kevin 6:18 AM, September 16, 2008  

She mustve had to stop and wash her hair.gotta look like the diva at all times

Brian 7:29 AM, September 16, 2008  

Yes, she's a recent mother doing a tri. Great. But, lets see all the facts. How many housekeepers, nannies, personal trainers, etc. does she have. There are probably plenty of people who are normal, non celeb. that do it without all the help.

A different type of blog for you. Glad to see you mix it up once in a while.

Jess 8:31 AM, September 16, 2008  

The problem with most US infrastructure is that it was mostly constructed about 50-60 years ago. And it was not necessarily meant to last as long as it has. Much of it has received "failing" grades regarding its stability and safety, yet it lacks the glamour and attention that many other national issues receive. It sucks that the bridge collapsing in MN forced people to realize this, but perhaps a closer examination of all infrastructure will be taken more seriously when state and national gov considers funding.

sRod 8:45 AM, September 16, 2008  

Ouch. Remind me to stay on your good side.

I can't blame you though for the tirade. It's hard to watch politicians and realize that the public views their job entirely differently than they do.

Alili 8:56 AM, September 16, 2008  

I had to giggle at the musical diva cues (jazz hands)...because I did it even without being prompted! :)

As for J-Lo, good for her. The only thing that REALLY bothered me was when some crap TV show called her an IronWoman. Not even close.

Erica Ortiz 8:59 AM, September 16, 2008  

Wow. I don't blame your rant. That is so rediculous! People should've boo'd them!

Trishie 9:00 AM, September 16, 2008  

I was going to do it here, but I'll save my JLo rant for my own blog ;)

Jeff 9:13 AM, September 16, 2008  

Holy crap, Batman, you really stirred up the pot today.

As for the politicians, maybe you Minnesotans should bring back Jesse "The Body" back for some serious compassion. I'm just sayin. . .

K 10:39 AM, September 16, 2008  

I cant watch Malibu Tri anymore. The "starpower" comments make me want to vomit.

Stef0115 10:42 AM, September 16, 2008  

One of my friends sent me an email yesterday saying that J Lo had done this triathlon and that "you are now definitely in a celebrity sport." That made me cringe, although I know my friend didn't mean it to be cringeworthy.

I can't stand JLo to begin with so the idea that she is some kind of pioneer in triathlon makes me sick. Only in California would they have a "celebrity" category. She is also far from the first "celebrity" to do a triathlon. Other celebs have been doing that tri for years!

I also read (and yes it was a gossip rag -- I love them) that her trainer was there to help her out of the water when a wave came in. If that is true, then I cry BS!!! ENOUGH already! Such a publicity whore and then to have your trainer there with you helping you during the race . . . whatever. Yeah she did it herself and blah blah blah.

She needs to go away.

GoBigGreen 1:11 PM, September 16, 2008  

Ok Steve, now your readers are getting dangerously close to ripping on tennis players:) ( tho Anna K never did win a major did she) but if anyone gets close to the FED you know i know where you live. or where you workout! HAHA!

T 1:44 PM, September 16, 2008  

yay, i'm faster than j.lo!


yeah, stuff like that is why i hate politics. at least the bridge is back open, though.

KodaFit 3:47 PM, September 16, 2008  

Well I for one am grateful for this post...

I read her times yesterday, and was thinking, that she had kicked butt if she was in the Olympic distance race.

You have settled my mind by confirming that it was indeed the sprint race. Good for her for accomplishing this, good for her on the money for charity, but the Diva attitude has absolutely no place in this sport.

I think my thoughts on the politicians have been echoed enough.

Good Post Steve!

Anonymous,  4:00 PM, September 16, 2008  

1. You have to consider J-Lo's ass when considering her finish time. That's a lotta ass to carry (not that I'm complaining, haha).

2. Bipartisan = Getting shit done. I agree that politicians need to stop thinking less about their party and more about their people and then maybe they would do just a lil more good.

Maggs 4:49 PM, September 16, 2008  

Haha. I was going post about Jlos booty in a wetsuit, but Meg beat me too it. Good for her for doing the race. And for a non-athlete a less than 10 min mile after the swim and bike is pretty good I think. Yeah her quote about Phelps was a little off. But stars (and politicians) don't always get it.

Anniversary Moments 8:08 PM, September 16, 2008  

OMG -- thank you for posting her times -- I have been looking for these! The transition - all about getting the booty out of the wetsuit and she probably had to change outfits. I think it's great she raised money for a good cause, but think she turned triathlon into a designer sport. She annoys me -- mostly because she ditched being a final judge on project runway right after the race claiming an ankle injury - whatever j.lo - thanks for ditching my favorite show.

as for the bridge - i will say i am disappointed how the national media decided to discuss and commend the city on making the decision to build a "practical" bridge rather than taking the time to build an architectural wonder that would have cost more money and how great it is that they did it so fast.

Anniversary Moments 8:08 PM, September 16, 2008  

OMG -- thank you for posting her times -- I have been looking for these! The transition - all about getting the booty out of the wetsuit and she probably had to change outfits. I think it's great she raised money for a good cause, but think she turned triathlon into a designer sport. She annoys me -- mostly because she ditched being a final judge on project runway right after the race claiming an ankle injury - whatever j.lo - thanks for ditching my favorite show.

as for the bridge - i will say i am disappointed how the national media decided to discuss and commend the city on making the decision to build a "practical" bridge rather than taking the time to build an architectural wonder that would have cost more money and how great it is that they did it so fast.

a.maria 9:26 AM, September 17, 2008  

i think its a little sad how many people find joy in the fact that j.lo isn't as fast as everyone ELSE in this sport. it was her FIRST RACE. what the hell is wrong with being SLOW!?
so what, she has personal trainers and a nanny and whatever else...

she ALSO has a world full of people critiquing her EVERY MOVE.

whooptie friggin doo, you're faster than j.lo. what exactly does that prove?! you're also faster than me, and any other number of people that do this sport NOT to win a medal, but to improve ourselves.

give the woman a friggin break.

as for the phelps comment, sure it was stupid. but i'd venture to guess we've all said some stupid things in our time... the difference is, our mistake wasn't plastered on the internet for everyone to read.

JEEZUS people, what happened to the encouraging all-embracing blog-o-sphere that i've come to love? 10:43 AM, September 17, 2008  

I was at the event, I volunteered and my better half was on a relay team with Disney.
I got pretty up close to J.Lo and I have to say that she was working hard, I think it is great that she completed the event...It was especially hard for her because she couldn't even get on her bike without the photographers yelling at her and getting her to say something...that sucks.
AND why is no one talking about how Matthew McConaughey had to leave his brand new baby to train???? UHM DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!!!
Check out my blog, I have pics from the event.

Kelly 1:15 PM, September 17, 2008  

Sadly, I think that J Lo is way faster than me :(

But I think I'd probably have a better transition time if I ever attempted a tri. So that's good.

CR 5:00 PM, September 18, 2008  

I enjoyed the big hoop earrings that were a part of her gear...I wonder if they drag in the water?

Anonymous,  4:43 PM, September 21, 2008  

So this is a video clip of how to do a transition J-Lo style:

And if you can lip read: Someone get me out of this wetsuit...where's my bike, please help me...wait, how does this hat thing work...where's my personal dresser?! Lol!

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