Steve in a Speedo?! Gross!: Friday Funny 1248: Children's Books You Should Never Write

Friday Funny 1248: Children's Books You Should Never Write

>> Friday, March 24, 2017

My boys have been reading #18.

And I sometimes want to hand out #32 to some of my students.

More funny things posted all day long on steveinaspeedo.tumblr.com.

1 comments:

SteveQ, 10:34 AM, March 24, 2017: I actually wrote "30 Minutes to More Effective Tantrums." [You're welcome.]

2024 Race Schedule

• Tri-U-Mah Indoor Tri Relay, Feb 3: Race Report, Race Results with More Pics, and Final Thoughts
• Spirit of White Bear Lake 5 Mile, April 6: Race Report (2nd overall, 1st in AG, 1st master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• Get in Gear 10K, April 27: Race Report, Team Results, and Race Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 27: Race Report, How I PRed, and Race Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 12: Race Report and Final Notes
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 8: Race Report (2nd overall, 1st in AG, 1st master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 6: Pre-Race Thoughts, Race Report (5th out of 545 in AG), Final Thoughts, and Official Photos

2023 Race Schedule

• USATF MN Indoor Championship 5000 Meters, March 12: Race Report (1st in AG) and a Few Final Notes
• Hot Dash USATF MN 5K Championships, March 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), 3 More Things, and Photos from the Start and Finish
• Get in Gear USATF MN 10K Championship, April 29: Race Report and Post-Race Notes
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 29: Race Report and Post-Race Notes
• USATF MN Masters Track and Field Championship Meet, June 24: Race Report (1st in AG and 1st Master)
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 16: Race Report, Me at the Finish, Finish Line Photos, and More Photos
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 10: Race Report (3rd overall), Comparing the Last 3 Years at This Race, a Few Final Notes, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 1: Cancelled Race, but a Made-Up 10 Mile "Race"
• Fall Classic Duathlon, Oct 8: Race Report
(1st overall), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• USATF MN 8K CC Championship, Nov 5: Race Report (1st in AG, 1st Master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos

2022 Race Schedule

• City of Lakes Loppet Fat Bike 20K, Feb 6: Race Report, Race Photos, More Race Photos, and Updated Results
• Get in Gear 10K, April 30: Race Report, Finish Line Photos, Weird HR Issues, and More Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 30: Race Report and More Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 17: Race Report, Recap of 1 Mile Races, and Race Photos
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 11: Race Report (3rd overall), Comparing 2021 to 2022 at Square Lake Tri, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 2: Race Report, A Few Final Race Notes, Race Photos, Photos from the Finish Line
• MPLS Halloween Half Marathon, Oct 29: Race Report and Race Photos

2019 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Feb 10: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 9: Race Report
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 16: Race Report (8th overall pushing a double stroller), More Photos, and a Gross Close-Up
• Goldy's Run 10 Mile, April 7: Race Report (3rd in AG), Photos from Mile 3, Official Photos, and More Photos
• TC 1 Mile, May 9: Race Report and Race Photos
• USATF MN Masters Outdoor Championship 1500, June 9: Race Report (2nd in AG), Final Race Thoughts, and More Photos
• Litchfield Watercade 4 Mile, July 13: Race Report (3rd overall), More Photos, and Garmin Data
• Heart of the Lakes Sprint Triathlon, July 21: Race Report (3rd overall), Post-Race Notes and More Photos, and Garmin Data

2018 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Feb 18: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 10: Race Report, Race Photos, and Team Results
• Hot Dash 5K, March 24: Race Report, Race Photos, and Comments on My Race Attire
• Falls Duathlon, April 28: Race Report
• Cinco "DU" Mayo Duathlon, May 5: Race Report (2nd overall) and Official Photos
• TC 1 Mile, May 10: Race Report and More Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 28: Race Report and More Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 15: Race Report, a Few More Points, and More Photos
• MDRA 15K, Aug 5: Race Report (racing with BOTH boys), Race Photos, and Team Photos
• Maple Grove Tri, Aug 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), Race Photos, and More Photos
• One Last Tri, Sept 16: Race Report (1st in AG, 4th overall), and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 7: Race Report, Photos from Mile 3
• MPLS Halloween Half 10K, Oct 27: Race Report (2nd overall), More Photos, and Still More Photos

2017 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Jan 15: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 25: Race Report, Team Standings, and Race Photos
• Falls Duathlon, April 29: Race Report (3rd in AG), and More From the Race
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 6: Race Report (1st overall)
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 29: Race Report, Race Photos, and Team Results
• Trinona Triathlon, June 11: Pre-Race Report, Race Report (4th overall), Final Race Thoughts, and Official Race Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 16: Race Report and More Photos
• Tri-ing for Children's Triathlon, July 29: Pre-Race Report, Race Report (5th overall), and Official Race Photos
• Minnesota Triathlon, August 12: Race Report (2nd overall) and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 1: Race Report, Photos from Mile 9, and Photos from Mile 3
• MPLS Halloween Half Marathon, Oct 29: Race Report (5th overall) and Race Photos

2016 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles, Jan 11: Race Report, Results and Video
• Securian Run Half Marathon, Jan 30: Race Report, More Photos, and My Garmin Data
• Half Fast Half Marathon (turned 25K), Feb 20: Race Report, Results, and Comparing My Paces From Two Halfs
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 12: Race Report (7th overall RACING WITH BOTH BOYS!) and Results
• O'Gara's 8K Irish Run, March 19: Race Report, Team Photos, and Team Results
• Fort Snelling 15K Relay, Oct 16: Race Report
• Rocky's Run CC 6K, Nov 6: Race Report (14th overall, 1st in AG), and More Photos
• Fast Before the Feast 5K, Nov 24: Race Report (7th overall RACING WITH MY SON AND NEPHEW!) and More Photos
• Donut Mile, Dec 29: Race Report (2nd overall) and Race Video

2015 Event Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Tri, March 8: Race Report, Official Results (2nd overall), and More Photos from Devon
• Cinco DU Mayo Duathlon, May 2: Race Report
(1st overall), and Official Photos
• Oakdale Duathlon, May 9: Race Report (1st in AG), and Results and Final Thoughts
• Tuesday Night Time Trial, June 2: Race Report, and a few More Photos
• Duathlon Nationals, June 6: Part 1, Part 2 - my Race Report (4th in AG), and More Photos
• Capitol City Triathlon, June 14: Race Report
• By George Triathlon, June 27: CANCELLED!
• Lake Waconia Triathlon, June 28: Race Report (3rd in AG)
• Life Time Fitness Tri Relay, July 11: Race Report (1st relay), and Official Photos
• Life Time Fitness Super Sprint Tri, July 11: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Photos
• North Mankato Tri, Aug 9: Race Report (4th overall), and Photos of me in the Mankato Free Press Newspaper
• Looney Challenge, Oct 3-4: 5K and 10K race report, TC 10 Mile race report, Loony Challenge Results (3rd overall), Official Photos, and Final Series Thoughts
• New Year's Eve Donut Mile, Dec 31: Race Report (2nd overall)

2014 Event Schedule

• Israman Half Iron Triathlon, Jan 16: Pre-Race Red Sea Swim (video), Race Report, Race Photos, More Race Photos, Final Race Notes, and Instagram Photos from my Israel Trip
• Y Guys Swim Meet (50, 100, and 500 yds),
Feb 23: Meet Report and Official Results
• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, March 16: Race Report and Official Results (1st overall)
• Tues Night Time Trial, June 3: Race Report, More Photos
• Trinona Time Trial, June 7: Race Report, More Photos, Even More Photos and Final Thoughts
• Trinona Triathlon Relay, June 8: Race Report (1st place coed team)
• North Mankato Triathlon, June 28: Race Report (2nd place team)
• Waconia Triathlon, June 29: Race Report (1st place team)
• Waseca Triathlon, July 27: Race Report (8th overall, 2nd AG), Part 2, and Race Photos
• Lake Marion Triathlon, Aug 17: Race Report (3rd overall), Official Photos
• Treadman Duathlon, Sept 20: Race Report (7th overall, 2nd AG)
• TC Looney Challenge, Oct 4-5: 10K and 5K Race Report, 10 Mile Race Report, and Final Series Results (1st overall)
• ALS Superhero Dash 5K, Oct 11: Race Report (1st overall, raced WITH HENRY!), Final Race Thoughts, and some Awesome Race Photos
• "Kitten Mile," Nov 1: Race Report (3rd overall)

2013 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles, Jan 14: Race Report, Results and More Photos
• Y Guys Swim Meet (50 and 100 free), Feb 23:
Race Report, Things I Learned, Official Results
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 23: Race Report (4th overall, raced WITH HENRY!), Official Photos
• Falls Duathlon, April 27: Race Report (11th overall), More Photos, Official Photos
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 4: Race Report (FIRST DUATHLON WIN!), Part 2, Official Photos
• Gear West Duathlon, May 19: Race Report (3rd place team), Crowning of the Relay Champs, Devon's version of the race, More Photos
• Trinona Time Trial, June 8: Race Report (14th overall), Race Video (from my helmet cam), and Race Photos
• Friendship Day 2 Mile, June 29: Race Report (1st overall)
• Richard A. Hoska Midsummer Mile, July 10: Race Report (12th overall), helping verify that the race was short, and More Photos
• Waseca Sprint Triathlon, July 28: Race Report (2nd in AG), Garmin Data, Race Photos, and More Race Photos
• TNT Time Trial, July 30: Race Report, and Race Photos
• Lake Marion Sprint Triathlon, August 18: Race Report (2nd in AG, 7th overall), Part 2
• Square Lake Half Iron Relay, Sept 8: Race Report (DNF), More About My Team, and Official Race Photos
• The rest of 2013: INJURED.
• Swim-Off Against a Pro Triathlete, Dec 12: Race Report, Follow Up, and Devon's Response

2012 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles*, Jan 9: Race Report, Results
• Securian Run Half Marathon*, Jan 28: Race Report (21st out of 830), A few final thoughts on the race, Race Photos
• Human Race 8K*, March 18: Race Report, More Photos, Final notes and Grand Prix standings
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 24: Race Report (HENRY'S FIRST RACE WITH ME!), Race Photos
• Get in Gear 10K*, Apr 28: Race Report, Grand Prix standings
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 5: Race Report (2nd overall!), Race Photos with a report from first place, Race Photos with people looking at my butt
• New Prague Half Marathon*, May 12: Race Report (4th overall), Grand Prix standings, How I had such a good race, Official Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K*, May 28: Race Report, a few things post-race
• Hillfest (bike race), June 2: Race Report, Race Photos
• Trinona Oly Triathlon, June 10: Pre-Race, Race Report, Race Photos
• Minneapolis Triathlon (LTF), July 14: Race Report, More Photos, Official Photos, Finisher's Video
• Twin Cities Triathlon (??), July 22: CANCELLED!
• Rice Street Mile*, July 26: Race Report
• Run for Blood 5K*, July 28: Race Report (7th overall), Race Photos
• USC Alumni Run CC Meet, Aug 18: Race Report (3rd overall)
• Rochester Track Club Half Marathon*, Aug 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), More Photos
• Victory 10K*, Sept 3: Race Report, More Photos and Grand Prix Standings, Official Photos
• City of Lakes 25K*, Sept 9: Race Report, Photos, Official Photos and Grand Prix Standings, Post-Race Feet
• T.R.B. Mile, Oct 20: Race Report (5th place elite)
• Rocky's Run 6K (XC)*, Nov 4: Race Report (1st in AG), Race Photos, Final MDRA Grand Prix Standings
• Fast Before The Feast 10K, Nov 22: Race Report (4th overall RACING WITH HENRY!), Race Photos

The asterisks (*) denotes "MDRA Grand Prix" races.

2010 Event Schedule

• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 23: Race Report, Race Video (I ran with a camera), Photos
• "Ride of a Lifetime" Spin Class, Mar 7: Report, More Photos (on my Examiner page), Even More Photos
• 100% Irish For a Day TC 10 Mile, Mar 13:
Race Report (18th overall), Photos
• LTF Indoor Tri, Mar 14: Race Report (2nd overall), Results
• MDRA Lake Johanna 4 Mile, Mar 20: Race Report (6th overall), Photos and Results (on my Examiner page)
• Human Race 5K, Mar 28: Race Report (2nd overall), Photos
• MDRA Mudball Classic, Apr 18: Race Report (3rd overall), Photos from the Kids Race (on my Examiner page), One More Photo
• Pine Line Half Marathon, Apr 24: Race Report (2nd overall), Results and More Photos
• Cannon Falls Duathlon, May 1: Race Report Part 1 (11th overall), Race Report Part 2, Photos from Erik, Official Photos
• Oakdale Duathlon, May 15: Race Report (3rd place team), Photos, More Photos (on my Examiner Page)
• Gear West Duathlon, May 25: Race Report Part 1 (2nd place team), Race Report Part 2, Video
• Tues Night Time Trial, May 23: Race Report (23.01 mph)
• Tues Night Time Trial, June 8: Race Report (22.65 mph)
• Liberty Olympic Tri, June 12: Race Report (8th overall, 1st in AG), Race Photos
• WIBA, July 9-11: WIBA Report, More Photos, "Blender Trainer" Video and Photos
• Great Prairie 2.5 K Open Water Swim, July 18:
Race Report (3rd in Wetsuit Division), More Photos (on my Examiner page)
• Waseca Sprint Tri, Aug 1: Race Report (5th overall), More Photos, Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Even More Photos
• Mosquito Man Duathlon (r/b/r/b/r), Sept 4:
Race Report (4th overall), Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Video
• Twin Cities 10 Mile, Oct 3: Race Report (43rd out of 7,000+), Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Spectating Photos, Cheering Video, Official Photos, Some Final Things
• T.R.B. Mile, Oct 16: 3rd in the "elite male" category
• LTF Indoor Tri, Nov 14: Race Report (1st out of 41), Results and more
• Challenge Courage Track Meet, Dec 19: Race Report (3rd place mile), Race Photos

2009 Event Schedule

• Challenge Resolution Track Meet, Jan 1: Race Report (4th place mile, 4th place 200 meters)
• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 24: Quick Photo, Race Report (6th in AG), Race Photos
• Rochester LUABC Half-Marathon, Feb 15: Quick Photo, Race Report (5th overall), Race Photos
• LTF Indoor Triathlon, Eagan, Mar 8: Race Report (3rd overall), Results
• Ironman 70.3 New Orleans, April 5: Goals, In NOLA, 10 Hours Til Race, Quick Post, PreRace, Full Report, Post Race
• MDRA Mudball Classic, April 19: Race Report (4th overall)
• Winter BeGone Duathlon, April 26: Race Report (4th in AG), Race Photos, More Photos
• Cannon Falls Duathlon, May 2: Race Report (6th in AG), Race Photos and Results
• Gear West Duathlon, May 17: Race Report (2nd place team), Race Photos
• Apple Duathlon, May 23: Race Report (11th in AG), Race Photos, More Race Photos
• Liberty Olympic Tri, June 13: Race Report (9th in AG), Race Photos
• WIBA, June 26-28: WIBA Report, More Photos
• Free to Run 4 Miler, July 4: Race Report (3rd overall), Race Photos
• Splash and Dash, July 14: Race Report (1st overall), Results, Video
• Chisago Lakes Sprint Tri, July 26: CVA Tri Club Students Reports, Race Report (9th in AG), Race Photos
• TNT Time Trial, Aug 4: Race Report
• Splash and Dash, Aug 11: Race Report (2nd overall), Results
• St. Croix Valley Oly Tri, Sept 6: Race Report (2nd in AG), Photos
• Get Ready to Rock 10K, Sept 12: Race Report (1st overall), Photos
• Cannon Wells Duathlon, Sept 26: Race Report (1st place team), Results
• Medtronic TC 10 Mile, Oct 5: Race Report (95 out of 5797), Spectating Photos, Race Photos
• Monster Dash 10 Mile, Oct 31: Race Report (3 out of 937), Race Photos, More Photos
• Tesfa 5K, Nov 7: Race Report (1 out of 52), Results
• LTF Indoor Triathlon, Lakeville, Nov 22: Race Report (1 out of 60), Results

2008 Event Schedule

• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 26: Race Report, More Photos
• Race Up The Place Stair Climb, Feb 2: Race Report (1st place), Photos
• Lifetime Indoor Triathlon, Feb 24: Race Report (t-10th), Results
• B-Fit B-Day Tri, Mar 13: Race Report
• Human Race 8K, Mar 16: Race Report
• Joe Plant 5K, Mar 30: Race Report (1st place), Results
• Doughnut Run 5K, April 13: Race Report (1st place), Results
• Winter Begone Duathlon, April 27: Race Report (2nd in AG), Results, Photos
• Gear West Duathlon, May 18: Race Report (2nd place team), More Photos
• Apple Duathlon, May 24: Race Report (6th in AG),
Results & Photos
• Grandmas Marathon, June 21:
Countdown: 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0
Race Report (DNF Part 1), Race Report (DNF Part 2)
• WI IM Brick Adventure (WIBA), June 28:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
• Free To Run 5K, July 4: Race Report (3rd place),
Photos & Results
• Lifetime Olympic Tri, July 12: Race Report, More Photos
• Chisago Lakes Sprint Tri, July 27: Race Report, More Photos
• St. Croix Valley Sprint Tri, Aug 30: Race Report (8th in AG), More Photos
• Square Lake Half IM, Sept 7: Race Report: Video, Part 1, Part 2, Race Photos
• Cannon Lake Duathlon, Sept 13: Race Report (1st place team)
• Osceola Duathlon, Sept 28: Race Report (1st place team), Race Photos, Newspaper
• Challenge Aging 5K, Oct 12: Race Report (1st place), Race Photos, More Photos
• Monster Dash 5K, Oct 25: Race Report (2nd place), Results, Revised Results & Photos
• Tesfa 5K, Nov 1: Race Report (2nd place), Results
• 623 Run, Roseville, Nov 8: Race Report (12th place), Results
• Giving Thanks 5K, Nov 27: Race Report (4th place), Race Photos
• Challenge Courage Track Meet, Dec 21: Race Report (3rd place mile), Race Photos

2007 Event Schedule

• Lifetime Fitness Indoor Triathlon, Feb: Race Report 1, Race Report 2
• Apple Duathlon, May: Race Report 1, Race Report 2
• WI IM Brick Adventure, July: WIBA Report
• Chisago Lakes Half IM Triathlon, July: Race Report, More Photos
• Ironman Wisconsin Triathlon, Sept:
  - Pre Race: 1, 2, 3.
  - Race Day: IM Race Report, BIG IM Race Report
  - Post Race: 1, 2, 3, 4.
• Monster Dash 5K, Oct: Race Report, Official Results
• Tesfa 5K, Nov: Race Report (1st place finish)
• Giving Thanks 5K, Nov: Race Report (2nd place finish)
• Reindeer Run 5K, Dec: Race Report

Race Count and PRs (since 2006)

1 Mile: 4:49.53 (best of 6, on a 200m indoor track)
1 Mile (road): 4:50.0 (best of 2)
2 Mile: 10:38 (only 1)
3 Mile CC: 18:10 (only 1)
5000M: 17:17 (best of 2, on a 200m indoor track)
5K: 17:11 (best of 20)
5K (w/ stroller): 17:56 (only 1)
6K CC: 23:25 (only 1)
6.23K: 24:20** (only 1)
4 Mile: 22:42 (best of 2)
4 Mile (trail): 24:48 (best of 2)
4 Mile (w/ stroller): 23:48 (best of 2)
8K: 29:15 (best of 2)
10K: 36:46 (best of 4)
10K (w/ stroller): 37:16 (only 1)
10 Mile: 59:05 (best of 6)
Half Marathon: 1:20:54 (best of 8)
25K: 1:39:50 (only 1)
Marathon: DNF (only 1)
3.5 Mile Trinona TT: 12:27.4 (best of 2)
10 Mile TT: 23.1 mph (only 1)
11 Mile TT: 23.01 mph (best of 4)
13 Mile TT: 22.16 mph (only 1)
13 Mile "Hillfest" TT: 19.5 mph
Splash n' Dash (swim/run): 2 times
50 Yard Free: 31.03 (best of 2)
100 Yard Free: 1:09.88 (best of 2)
100 Yard Free (pool start): 1:09.6
500 Yard Free (pool start): 7:26.08 (only 1)
2.5K OW Swim: 47:57 (only 1)
Duathlon: 17 times
Duathlon (relay): 10 times
Indoor Tri: 10 times
Sprint Tri: 15 times
Sprint Tri Relay: 4 times
Olympic Tri: 2:15:37 (best of 7)
Half Ironman: 5:28:25 (best of 3)
Half Iron Relay: 7:03:06 (only 1)
Ironman: 13:53:32 (only 1)

Steve in a Speedo?! Gross!

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Friday Funny 1248: Children's Books You Should Never Write

>> Friday, March 24, 2017

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