Friday Funny 1215: Opposite of Your Job

There's an interesting... thing... going around. It's this:

"You now do the opposite of your job. What do you do now?"

Here are some of the better ones I've seen:

I steal food from elderly people and push them as far away from their rooms as possible while saying rude things to them.

I drown children.

I convince couples to see other people.

Tear up flowers and grass, throw garbage everywhere and put snow on roads and sidewalks.

I suck knowledge out of innocent children's heads.

Cram a bunch of used tampons and soiled baby wipes into peoples sewer pipes so their toilet doesn't flush.

I research ways to make airplanes louder, slower, and less fuel efficient. Mostly louder.

I stand at the door and let underage people in, and encourage drunks to keep drinking and fighting.

A bunch of toddlers make me lunch and snacks, clean up after me, then put me to bed. [I want this life.]

I go to peoples' houses and steal their pizza.

I make sure chemical plants and oil refineries explode.

So I'm a butcher. I guess I'm Frankenstein and put together animals.

I now make plans on how to destroy buildings and pipelines... Great, now I'm a terrorist.

Steal everyone's mail out of their mailboxes, throw it in my truck and ship it back to where ever the fuck it all came from!

I invite myself into strangers homes, kill them and set their house on fire. [EMT/firefighter]

I now make my parents proud of me.

Using this logic, my Mother-In-Law now puts babies back into people. Weird.

And I spend part of my time extracting photography knowledge from young adults, part of my time neglecting/murdering my 2 young boys, part of my time erasing things on the internet, and part of my time training to be the fattest and slowest non-athlete I can be.

What do you do?

More funny stuff on steveinaspeedo.tumblr.com. HAPPY WEEKEND!! Back with my 2016 year-end totals tomorrow. (Not training totals. Gardening totals.)