Doughnut Run Race Report

>> Sunday, April 13, 2008

Or, “Swallowing Hard”

Or, “Return of the Yellow Shorts”

Borsch and I got up at the butt crack of dawn, and grabbed some breakfast at 4:30 am. Then we hit the road for a 3+ hour drive for a 5K. The directions were basically to hop on Interstate 35, drive south for 210 miles to Ames, and then turn right. Here was our route into Iowa:

We were only about a half hour from Ames, when I saw a cop. Yep. You know where this is going. I looked down and realized I was going a little fast. The next thing I hear is “License and registration please.” Borsch snapped a photo with his phone:

And then he snapped another when I was walking back to my car after signing the paperwork in the cop car:

Not a great way to start the day. Dang. I told the cop about the Doughnut Run, and he LOVED the idea. He didn’t love it enough to rip up my ticket. He said he was going to tell all the guys about it over lunch.

So Borsch and I got to the race, got our paperwork, and tried to stay warm. Shortly after that, I saw someone drive into the lot. It was Danielle in Iowa, who was the one that told me about this event. Shortly behind her, was Laurie (who I’ve met through IM WI events in the past), and suddenly we had a little meet-up!

So here’s how the Doughnut Run works: You run a normal 5K. But along the course, there are 8 “pit stops” where you can choose to eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts (but you don’t have to eat any). For each doughnut you eat, time is taken off your 5K finish time. Here’s how many seconds you can earn:
• 1 Krispy Kreme - 0:15 seconds
• 2 Krispy Kremes - 0:30 seconds
• 3 Krispy Kremes - 0:45 seconds
• 4 Krispy Kremes - 1:00 minute
(so if you eat 4, that’s a total of 2:30 off your time)
• Every Krispy Kreme after that is 1 more minute off your time.
• At certain “major” numbers (10, 15, 20, 25, etc), you got an EXTRA 2 minute bonus off your time.

So the idea is to balance speed with doughnut consumption. I could eat 10 and finish fast, but if someone finishes a few minutes behind me but they ate 15 doughnuts, they would have a better “doughnut adjusted” time.

So the 3 of us lined up (Laurie wasn’t there to run – she is the one responsible for all of the upcoming great photos!). They shouted “go,” and we were off. My goal was to TRY to eat 2 doughnuts per station, which would be 16 doughnuts. Here’s what the first “doughnut station” looked like before the race started:

Yep, that’s BOXES of Krispy Kremes stacked under the table

I was about the 10th one to the first table, but most of the people in front of me didn’t stop; there were a number of people that just ran a normal 5K (with those delicious doughnuts, I don’t know WHY). Here I am running into the first doughnut station on the far right:

I ATTACKED a box of doughnuts:

The first 2 doughnuts were inside of me. And I was going strong. Except for between stop 2 and 3, I was passing a group of women, and one leaned over and spit on me (accidentally). It landed on my arm. It was pretty hot. She felt sooo bad. I laughed it off, told her it was no big deal, and kept bookin’ it.

The “2-per-stop” race strategy was working OK until the very end. On the second to last stop, it took me 2:38 to eat 2 doughnuts. They went down hard. I had reached my saturation point. And I technically lost 38 seconds by stopping. So at the last stop, I was only going to eat 1 more, which would take my total to 15 (and that extra 2 minute bonus). So that’s what I did.

And the run from the last station back to the finish line was HELL. I nearly coughed a little doughnut back up, so I had to swallow hard to get it back down. Gross. But I crossed the line in 28:46 total, having consumed 15 doughnuts along the way.

Here are my, umm, splits:
Run: 3:09
Eat: 1:29
Run: 1:46
Eat: 1:01
Run: 1:52
Eat: 1:41
Run: 1:03
Eat: 1:25
Run: 1:56
Eat: 1:24
Run: 1:05
Eat: 1:25
Run: 1:49
Eat: 2:38
Run: 1:50
Eat: 1:00
Run: 3:04

Total: 28:46
Eating Time: 12:03
Running Time: 16:43

Don’t get too excited by my running time. It was like running intervals, so I could run pretty hard between stops, and then catch my breath while eating.

Intake: 3,000 calories consumed (15 Krispy Kremes)
Output: 350 calories burned (5K run)
Results: Ummm, I’m not good at math, so let’s just call it a wash...

Laurie snapped a photo of me all sweaty and hairy (and surprisingly glaze-free):

Have I mentioned I’ve started a little beard?...

Here’s my doughnut hand all “glazed-up:”

Then I saw how nasty my watch was from all the glaze. So I cleaned it up. With my mouth, what else?

Laurie and I hung around and watched Danielle and Borsch finish. Yeah! There was no puking! We looked for finishers that had ate a TON of doughnuts, but no one came in with any great numbers. So thought I might have a chance at breaking into the top 3! The 4 of us hung around and hoped to win something in the drawing. None of us did. But then something else happened. They listed off the winners. Guess who took first place. Come on. Guess.

Holy crap, they read my name!! I placed first, with the best "doughnut adjusted" time in the pack!

And I didn’t even need my secret weapon:

I was all ready to do Pepto shots if I had needed to...

Well, I have some photos (from Laurie) of Danielle and Borsch, and I’ll send them off to each of them so they can post the photos if they’d like. And the official results aren’t up yet, and I'll have those as soon as I can.

On the way back to the Cities, Borsch and I stopped in Albert Lea for a lunch at McDonalds with my folks. And yes, we both actually had a burger. We were feeling fine! It was actually kinda gross how not-gross we were feeling. We had a nice chat with the ‘rents (do the kids still say that now days?), and we finished the drive back to St. Paul.

What a day! What. A. Day. It’s the first 5K that I’ve run that I would consider to be “epic.” A 4:30 alarm, a 3 hour drive, a speeding ticket, meeting up with blogger buddies, running and eating like crazy, winning the dang thing, driving back 3 hours, and being treated to McDonalds by my folks: Yep, that’s an epic race day.

Now the tough decision: do I make that BORING drive again next year to defend the title? Thanks for reading everyone!!


Jeff 8:26 PM, April 13, 2008  

Yeah, definitely a wash on the calorie thing, especially if you include all the driving calories. No problem.

Congrats on the big win.

Unknown 8:31 PM, April 13, 2008  

How funny!! I guess I didn't realize that they had donut adjusted time...that cracks me up.

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 8:40 PM, April 13, 2008  

It's gotta be the yellow shorts!

Congrats again on your awesome run! And it was awesome to meet you and Jon!

And I say you need a pair of those awesome pint glasses, so you'll have to come back :-)

Rainmaker 8:52 PM, April 13, 2008  

That's awesome! Nicely done with both with the intake and the run output.

21stCenturyMom 8:55 PM, April 13, 2008  

There are no calories in those donuts - they are simply part of the race so you won!

I, on the other hand, got a stomach ache just reading this. Or maybe it was the chocolate covered caramel from Trader Joe I just ate that did it.

Good show! Congratulations on your donut fueled race bling.

Laurie 9:05 PM, April 13, 2008  

You crack me up.

Again, well done. And you should definitely come back!

MissAllycat 9:07 PM, April 13, 2008  

Quite the race! I may have to give this one a shot next year.

You are a Krispy Kreme Rock Star!

J~Mom 9:11 PM, April 13, 2008  

Now that sounds like my kind of race! Maybe I can come up with a coffee 5K?


IronTriTim 9:22 PM, April 13, 2008  

Great race, and report. Congratulations on the silverware. Great advert for healthy fitness, 3000cals in, 350 out! :-)

Must look out for a race like that round here.

Anonymous,  9:23 PM, April 13, 2008  

you are truly a multi-sport athlete. you can clearly do anything!! SOOO GROOOSSSS :)

Jumper 2.0 9:38 PM, April 13, 2008  

Ok, I have to do that next year.

Boring drive or no!

Afternoon Tea With Oranges 10:28 PM, April 13, 2008  

Only YOU, Steve. Only you! LOL Even my husband got a kick out of that story!!! Congrats on winning the race, and especially on not puking!

Pip 10:29 PM, April 13, 2008  

Ugh. Sorry but I feel nauseaus just even thinking about the donuts! I can't believe how many you got through without puking ...

Well done, I think!

Spokane Al 11:32 PM, April 13, 2008  

Wow, congratulations on winning an interesting race. I was reading about the recent oyster eating contest and I think you got the better deal with this donut race.

Marcy 6:44 AM, April 14, 2008  


You should have offered the po po some sexual favors. Maybe then he'd rip up the ticket :P

Trisaratops 7:05 AM, April 14, 2008  

OMG--Daisy Dukes, 15 freaking donuts, and a FIRST PLACE FINISH?!

Is there anything you CAN'T do?

I propose you run your next 5K in a pink tutu, while juggling three Yorkies and singing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" in Pig Latin.

Now THAT would be somethin'.


duchossois 7:28 AM, April 14, 2008  

Congrats Steve. You are the Krispy Kreme King! What a bizarre and wonderfully nauseating idea for a race. Unfortunately, I could not participate in this race, as I am a member of KKA, (Krispy Kreme Anonymous). I have successfully completed the 12 step program, or what we like to call 'The Dozen Assorted Step Program', and have been Kreme-free for 10 years.

Bigun 7:33 AM, April 14, 2008  

Only 15? Now I know I'd have given you a run for your money. This is the perfect Clydesdale event - the only chance of Fat-guy victory over the thin and fit.

congrats on your victory - after all that spitting, however, I wouldn't have cleaned my watch with my mounth....

Ryan 7:37 AM, April 14, 2008  

Too bad the 1st place prize wasn't $275.

You know, to cover your speeding violation!

Good thing the Po-Po didn't look in the trunk, right Snoop Dogg?

Jessica 8:07 AM, April 14, 2008  

You have talked about pooping your pants in your last two posts, but there is no sign of my epic drawing.

For shame, Steve Stenzel. For shame.

CoachLiz 8:20 AM, April 14, 2008  


Only you could win that race hands down. Now if you would like to hop a flight to H-town, our tri club has Beer-athlon. instead of Krispy kremes we have beer to consume. More barfing at that one. If you can't handle the beer, chocolate milk is the optional drink.


Anonymous,  8:34 AM, April 14, 2008  

Wow, they sure come up with some wacky ideas down there in Iowa.

Congrats! :)

tribeaner 8:38 AM, April 14, 2008  

Congrats, Steve. Remind me not to invite you down to any other Iowa races. Apparently all you do is win. ;)

Actually, Greyt and I think you should come down and challenge the Hy-Vee triathlon....

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 8:52 AM, April 14, 2008  

Oh and after seeing the results, you most definitely have to come down next year - you are soooo close to the single digit 5k!

jahowie 9:48 AM, April 14, 2008  

Eeeewwww....on the spitting thing. This looks like a very fun race, but I'm surprised that you didn't have any stories about people throwing up. I'd be hurling for sure!! :-) Nice job on the race. Even with a full stomach you are way faster than me!!

GoBigGreen 10:21 AM, April 14, 2008  

ok i am kinda nauseated reading the post:) My soft stomach would not do well in that race, too bad the cop didnt come and give it a go. Or you could a bartered your "wining trophey" for the ticket. Nice job!

Erin 10:22 AM, April 14, 2008  

Hilarious, as usual. It does sound like this was a race made especially for you, though. 15 doughnuts? That's hardcore.

Fizzgig 11:20 AM, April 14, 2008  

Holey cripes that sounds like fun! Not the getting pulled over part, the part where you get to eat donuts. Only, I would've probably been sidetracked by the krispy kreme. I'd be in a coma. doooonuts. mmm.
15? uh, how the hell did you keep running?

Anonymous,  2:16 PM, April 14, 2008  

How is it that I live in Iowa and I didn't know about this race?! TTTOOO FUNNN!

Allez 2:57 PM, April 14, 2008  

15 donuts!?!? That gives me stomach pains!

brendaj 5:44 PM, April 14, 2008  

15 donuts is truly impressive! Oh, and nice finish too. :)

jen 6:41 PM, April 14, 2008  

Yay Congratulations!! I can't believe you ran such fast "intervals" between feedings and did not get sick or cramped. And then you had McDonald's? You have a much stronger stomach than me! Great run and great report. Sounds like a fun day (besides the ticket).

The Lazy Triathlete 7:18 PM, April 14, 2008  

Anytime there are Donuts involved in a race I am all for it.

Kate 8:21 PM, April 14, 2008  

I feel like you should have thrown up but I am glad you didn't. Especially after topping it off with McDonald's. Ugh, that is making me sick just thinking about it.

I am in agreement that you should come check out the HyVee triathlon. I think that Pharmie should definitely be involved in that trip. It would be a blast.

Smithposts... 8:37 PM, April 14, 2008  

No question, you need to defend the title next year. Where else can you be a total winner by downing 15 Krispy Kremes in such a short period of time.

Did they serve chocolate covered? Oh, they are my fav.

Collin Kromke 9:25 PM, April 14, 2008  

Still the funniest blogger ever. Please don't post photos of the very healthy dump you surely took later that day!

Nice job on the win too, but that's just secondary to the rest of the story.

triguyjt 9:28 PM, April 14, 2008  

i am upset that the cop did not know about a donut run...

come on police..gheesh

glazed hand shot was hilarious..

nice, wacky steve like post!!!!

Backofpack 10:36 PM, April 14, 2008  

I was laughing out loud at your post, so my husband asked what I was reading, and now he's convinced we need a doughnut run out here! We've got a budy who'll give you a run for your money - check out Eric's post about Rob (two posts back) at I mean, he trains for things like that and he's fast too!

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog today - that guy who ran me in was wonderful.

Meg 8:39 AM, April 15, 2008  

Congratulations on your win (and on holding it all down)!
That's actually a great fundraiser idea - I would have puked for sure though!

Unknown 9:36 AM, April 15, 2008  

I need to make you a graphic for your sidebar. Something about being the "Donut Master", something that will ensure you go back next year to defend your title.

Brian 10:25 AM, April 15, 2008  

Nice job. You def. have to go back next year to defend your title.

I like how you grab breakfast before a race where you plan on eating over a dozen donuts.

A slim fast milk shake post run would have been funny.

Mel 10:31 AM, April 15, 2008  

OH MY, this was too funny...WHAT a FUN race...I am a wish we had something like that :) YOU ROCKED it and to top it off with a burger AWESOME!!!! LOVE IT!!!

KK 1:07 PM, April 15, 2008  

This is my official NFB (new favorite blog).

So relieved to know you didn't have to use the secret weapon. GUH-ross.

Nice work, on all accounts. :)

Anonymous,  2:42 PM, April 15, 2008  

Great job!! Why am I not surprised?

Hey, at my race in Vegas this weekend, Jeff and I were talking to a couple before the start. They are really into triathlon. When they said they were from Minnesota, I had to ask if they knew of a Steve Stenzel. They didn't know you personally but definitely knew who you were! They grinned and we talked about your fun blog.

ShirleyPerly 3:08 PM, April 15, 2008  

What a hilarious race! Obviously, you don't just have speedy legs but also a stomach of steel -- CONGRATS!!

Nat 5:05 PM, April 15, 2008  

I don't know what makes me want to puke more, the fact you have 46 comments, all those donuts or the yellow shorts. It might be a tie. Only kidding. Congrats on the race!

SM 5:25 PM, April 15, 2008  

probably the best 5k ever! Congrats on 1st place and just think you drove 3 hours to run/eat this race! Good job!

Iron Krista, "The Dog Mom" 6:50 PM, April 15, 2008  

You must have an IRON stomach. I would have puked at every stop...

And THEN McD's after..

IronTRISH 10:12 PM, April 15, 2008  

Awesome!! Your 'rents must be so proud! Yes, do it again next year :)

Bill Carter 7:21 AM, April 16, 2008  

Hi Steve

I can't believe you won another race.. and what sounds like a very cool one at that. I started laughing out loud about the "donut adjusted" time.


Lance Notstrong 10:20 AM, April 16, 2008  

That's so cool!!! They never have raced like that around here :-(

Brooke 6:27 PM, April 16, 2008  

Oh absolutely. You must do it again.

Marit C-L 3:46 AM, April 17, 2008  

Seriously, just about the funniest thing I have ever read! Congratulations on your win! Hope your tummy felt okay afterwards... :)

E-Speed 4:28 AM, April 18, 2008  

I really don't know how you could get that many donuts down in that time span. Major Props! Glad you are having so much fun with the sport lately.

Dana 10:59 PM, April 19, 2008  

Big props to you for the great time & eating ALL those doughnuts! You should totally make this a yearly thing.

ShesAlwaysWrite 11:10 PM, April 28, 2008  

Dude. You stopped 8 times to eat 15 donuts and STILL broke 30 minutes?! (Yes, I realize for you that's, like, 'I've got a broken leg today I'll take it easy' speed, but I dreeaaaam about a 30 minute 5K)

Jade Lady 6:54 PM, June 08, 2008  

I was wondering what in the heck would make you drive 3 hours for a 5K race...What an interesting idea - you can still beat me with 15 donuts inside you! Now are these the baby donuts, or the ones with the big holes inside? If the latter, how on earth could u down so many? Can you take in some calories for me on a daily basis? Congrats on your donut adjusted time!

The Boring Runner 7:24 PM, February 24, 2009  

So, either you have comment notification on and you will see this comment or you don't have it on and this will never see the light of day! :)

Either way I was looking at Danielle in Iowa's blog and somehow stumbled across this. I went to school at Iowa State! So, I think that makes us related some how since you have been to Ames - even if only once. How did I not know about this race!?

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