Gear West Duathlon Trash-Talk Update #3

>> Thursday, March 28, 2013

Ten days ago, I was called out by Devon Palmer (a local pro triathlete) to have a "relay" race at the Gear West Duathlon. I noted that Pete and I (team "Itchy and Scratchy") wouldn't stand much of a chance because Devon is a killer biker, and he could find any runner to team up with him to take us down.

Well, Devon didn't just find "any runner."

I got this tweet 2 days ago:

Ben Kampf.

Ben mother-f*cking Kampf.

Ben is a local elite runner. In 2009, as a junior at the University of Minnesota, Ben ran a 4:01 1500 meter and a 14:41 5000 meter! Yes, that's 4:43 / mile pace FOR A 5K! In 2011, he did the "Human Race 8K" in 25:01 (4:59 / mile) finishing 5th in a deep field.

The good news is that he's slowing down. In 2012, he finished the Human Race 8K in 25:47. Oh but wait... that was the "hot" year where everyone's times were slow. Ben did it in 25:47, and I did it in 29:15. At the Get in Gear 10K a month after that, Ben finished 16th in 32:07, and I finished 86th in 36:47.

Oh, what else?... Remember in 2010 when I was shooting for my first ever sub-60 TC 10 Mile? Well Ben did the 2012 TC 10 Mile in 52:54 (5:17 / mile).

To make matters worse, he's also good at running cross country (the Gear West Duathlon is 9K of solid cross country running). He ran the 7.5K USATF Minnesota Cross Country Championships in November of last year in 23:01. That's 4:56 / mile... OFF-ROAD!!

So here was my response to Devon (and Ben):

Devon made a good point right after that:

It's true. I am.

Kyle (local friendly elite multisport athlete) summed it up well:

Do you know why Ben was picked?


Let me explain: I noted in a post just after the “Meet of the Miles” that local speedsters Meghan Peyton and Heather Kampf were finishing up workouts on the track before the meet started. I wanted to say hi and get a photo, but I felt like a nerd. (Wait... I AM a nerd.) I was admiring Heather’s abs. They look like this:

Heather's the 2nd from the right. The abs.
(And that's Meghan in the middle - the other one who was working out before the meet.)

Heather's abs winning the Bermuda Front Street Road Mile 2 months ago.

Well, Heather is married to Ben. It’s as if Ben is now taking his revenge on me for ogling his wife.

(OK, I really wasn’t “ogling” his wife. I’m being dramatic for the sake of making a funny point. I may really like Heather’s abs, but I really LOVE every piece of my wife. I hope that dug me out of any potential hole I may have gotten myself into.)

Anyway, here’s that post I’m talking about, and it shows an awesome video that Heather's kinda famous for back in her college days.

Oh, one final thing: after tweeting that Henry and I came in 4th overall at the Lake Johanna 4 Mile as I pushed him in the stroller last weekend, Devon tweeted me this:


So don’t follow Devon or Ben on twitter. And don’t ever go to Devon’s blog. But feel free to follow me on twitter. And I have nothing but respect for Heather, so you can stop by her blog anytime. In fact, I give her bonus points for recently mentioning "Tim-the-Tool-Man-Taylor" in one of her posts. (I wonder if she’ll be there at the GW Duathlon to watch her hubby mop the floor with me...)


Anonymous,  9:00 AM, March 28, 2013  

Man...!!! The bad part is that your chances with the trash talk are even worse than on the field.

Anonymous,  10:27 AM, March 28, 2013  

A few ideas:

- Find someone to pose as a marshall and direct Devon off course during his bike leg.

- Come up with some way to convince Ben to throw the run leg. Maybe he has a price? Failing that perhaps blackmail?

- No doubt Henry is a walking petri dish of germs and bacteria (no offence!); perhaps you could arrange for Devon & Ben to get exposed a few days before in the hope that they'll be miserably sick on race day?

In retrospect I doubt (1) or (3) would be enough; hopefully you have some good blackmail material to use on Ben! ;)

Steve Stenzel 11:38 AM, March 28, 2013  

To the last Anon:

Finding Ben's price is probably the way to go. Devon knows too much about the course to be thrown off. And wasn't there a Simpsons about the last idea? Ha!

Malcolm Ramsay 4:11 PM, March 28, 2013  

You could let their team race with Henry, he wants to right. Just add a lot of weight to the stroller. That and taking a stroller off road should slow them up a bit.

Kristen 4:24 PM, March 29, 2013  

Heather is my cousin. She got ALL the running talent in the family. And it's a big family! She also got the best abs.

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