I’m Caught Up With December 2007

>> Saturday, October 11, 2008

Or was it February 2008? Or later? I don’t remember. Anyway, I JUST upgraded my blog from the “template” style to the “layout” style. Jeez, I’m slow. Now you can (more easily) subscribe to my posts if you’d like.

I also added the “Bowl Full of Sunshine” to the header. What do you think? I like how "Gross" goes right over my boy-parts. That image won’t stay up forever - I’ll mix that up now and then. (Editors Note: I had to take down the Bowl Full of Sunshine in the header. It was too much. Even for me. But I'll put some other photos up there shortly.)

24 hours from now, I’ll have one more 5K under my belt, along with (MAYBE) a new PR. We’ll see what I can chug out. Have a good weekend!

Oh, and for stopping by on a Saturday, here’s a special present. This is a bike ad I found on Craigs List. Just a warning: the following has some foul language. It’s not too nasty, but it’s pretty off-color. (It’s also pretty funny at times.) You have been warned.

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Manly Bike For Sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Philippines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm-wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no pansy prices)

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/765370039.html

21 comments:

akshaye 11:07 AM, October 11, 2008  

That ad should be on best of craigslist!

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 11:18 AM, October 11, 2008  

Love the new header!

PS I just finally upgraded to this fancy schmancy "layout" edition as well. I scoff at change.

Trihardist 11:36 AM, October 11, 2008  

Holy cow. That is amazing. I think that guy may be one of the personal trainers at my gym, actually . . .

Sonia 11:41 AM, October 11, 2008  

Very cool header, now you have me itching to change... I am just a big zero with the blogger stufff...

J~Mom 12:36 PM, October 11, 2008  

That is hilarious!!! I love the seat part!!

Cindy 1:28 PM, October 11, 2008  

that is so funny- and i love that it's only 150 OBO.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg 1:39 PM, October 11, 2008  

Hmmm ,,, fortunately, the glaring light reflected from your legs and midsection kept me from focusing too much on the junkage content of the new graphic, Some ways of going temporarily blind are indeed preferable to others. Even if those other ways might inflict permanent damage on one's retinas.

Bruvva needs to get out in the sun a bit! That Chicken Suite doesn't seem to let in quite enough UVs.

The guy who's selling that bike sounds like a bit of a pansy, you ask me.

Little known fact: Pansies are the bad-asses of the flower world.

George Houston 2:24 PM, October 11, 2008  

"I only like gear 6 & 7 to be honest."

that was pretty funny!

331 Miles 5:34 PM, October 11, 2008  

Thanks for linking to my bike ad. I hope it helps sell my bike for more than $150.

triguyjt 6:43 PM, October 11, 2008  

I now have a new insult for a weasel....

dickless lizard.

I don't know if I should thank you or the Man with the huge balls who is selling his bike...

I chose you.
Steve, you will never toil with those dickless souls who know neither victory or defeat..

teacherwoman 7:22 PM, October 11, 2008  

Love the new header look! Good luck with yet another 5K tomorrow!

K 9:02 PM, October 11, 2008  

New header is great. And my asshole husband placed that ad... cool, huh?

CoachLiz 9:04 PM, October 11, 2008  

The Banner with the Bowl Full of Sunshine is AWESOME!!!

I guess since I am a girl I can't buy your bike, huh?

Anonymous,  9:10 PM, October 11, 2008  

http://www.break.com/pictures/so-gross586350.html You thought your marathon was bad.

Kelly 10:27 PM, October 11, 2008  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah 12:49 AM, October 12, 2008  

That ad would sell me!

Michelle 4:55 AM, October 12, 2008  

Great header Steve!! Change is good!

Funny ad too! Made me laugh at 5.55am on a sunday morning!!!

Julianne 1:45 PM, October 12, 2008  

Haha! That's a funny Craigslist ad! What did people do before CL? Seriously???

Michelle 1:45 PM, October 12, 2008  

Nice ad! Are you sure you didn't write it?!

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