Team Happy Pants Rides Again!

>> Saturday, September 13, 2008

Or, “Cannon Lake Duathlon Race Report”

Or, “Total Domination by ‘Team Happy Pants’”

(Race Format: 1.75 mile run, 14 mile bike, 3 mile run.)

Day Before:

I had a great pre-race meal at Snuffys Malt Shop with Mike and Pharmie (the same place we went the night before the LTF Tri). I had a chicken sandwich, a bunch of fries, and part of a strawberry shake:

Those fries gave Pharmie and I HORRIBLE GAS all night!

Then, Matt (the other half of Team Happy Pants) came over, and Pharmie schooled us all at Tetris on our old-school Nintendo. She hasn’t played in months, but she still got 169,000 points and made it to level 14!


Got up, ate breakfast, had a good race-morning poo, and was ready to go. It’s easy to pack for a duathlon that you’re doing as a team:

1. Running shoes
2. Race Belt
3. Nipguards

(If you don’t know why I need Nipguards, scroll down a couple of posts.) So, we picked up Matt and his bike, and headed south to Faribault. It was a dreary, wet, foggy day:

We’d be getting so wet that it felt like we were doing a tri instead of a du. We got there and scoped out the transition area. Still a lot of racks to choose from:

Matt and I found the port-o-johns (we both needed a second pre-race poo). You KNOW it’s going to be a small event when “port-o-john alley” is only 3 crappers long:

We took care of the paperwork, and went to get set up:

Team Happy Pants!

We unloaded the car. Matt checked his tires, and I got my race number on my race belt:

Then, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law showed up to cheer us on. Matt is my brother-in-law, so Pharmie had a lot of her family there as the Team Happy Pants cheering section!

A few minutes before we started, there was a meeting in transition. Take a look at how FEW bikes there are, and how MUCH space each one has! There was an average of literally 3 bikes per rack!

It turns out, there were only 4 teams and only 39 individual competitors. Small event! (It was it’s first year.) We weren’t hiding the fact that we were hoping to place pretty well. The race format was: 1.75 mile run, 14 mile bike, 3 mile run. I was doing the runs, and Matt was going to take care of the bike.

Then we headed down to the starting line, which was about 200 meters away. Oh yeah, I had changed into the “Bowl Full of Sunshine:”

Sorry for my paleness...

I situated myself near the front, and here you can see me off to the left:

The Run:

Mark, the race director, stood off to the side and shouted GO. We were off:

Leading the pack on the left

I ran past Pharmie and shot her a smile. She shot a photo of me looking like a blur:

I led the entire way. We headed down the trail, ran a big loop (partially gravel), and then headed back up the trail towards transition. It was a 1.75 mile run. I hit the first mile in 4:26. “WHAT!” I quickly realized that the marker really meant “1 mile LEFT,” not “1 mile COMPLETE.” That made more sense. I waved at the volunteer and officer who directed me back onto the final stretch of the trail, and I ran hard back to transition.

I was afraid that I was going too fast; I didn’t know if I’d be fresh enough for the 3 mile run later on. But I didn’t let up. I just booked it home.

Meanwhile, as I was wrapping up the run, Matt was in transition with the other 3 teams’ bikers. They were in the "team transition zone," waiting for their runners to come running in:

Matt’s in yellow


I came running into T1, about 8 seconds ahead of the next runner. Team Happy Pants was out in the lead:

I ran up to Matt and slapped his hand; this du was SO small, that it wasn’t chip timed (so we didn’t have to transfer a chip from the runner to the biker). All we had to do was touch. So I slapped Matt, and he was off:

I'm just on the other side of the guy in green shorts

I was spent. I had run that pretty hard. This photo sums up my beat-up mood at the time:


Matt was off on the ride. It had started raining again. And he said the course was hillier than he thought it was going to be. Let’s just say I was happy that I was able to put on some more clothes, talk with the other teams, and hang out in transition under the tent:

There were maybe a dozen spectators who were cheering for everyone, and Team Happy Pants had 4 of them:

Monica, Mike, Anne, and Pharmie

Then, Monica and Mike got in a tiff over the umbrella:

Mike, be nice to your mother!


I saw 3 guys fly through T2, but they weren’t teams. They were just speedy, speedy individuals. Shortly after the first 3, Matt came running into transition:

Matt ran up to me for the tag:

Of course I had a dumb grin on my face...
...what did you expect?

I was off on the run. But Matt had ridden his bike hard, and now HE looked as beat up as ME when I finished my first run:


I headed out on the 3 mile run. My cheering section was yelling! After about a 1/2 mile, I could finally see the 2nd and 3rd place individuals in front of me. They were 400 - 500 meters ahead of me. I was gunning for them.

Mile 1: 5:46. That was tough.

I turned up a little hill, and before too long, I was headed back towards the finish. That little hill hurt, and I was just trying to hang on. I was BARELY gaining on the 2 individuals in front of me.

Mile 2: 6:05. Dang, I was hoping to keep them all under 6.

Hurting, hurting, hurting. Trying to hold on. There was no way of reaching the 2 individual runners in front of me, but they pushed me nicely throughout.

I was nearing the finish. Matt and I were going to EASILY win the team competition. (We won by over 6 minutes.) Here I am coming to the line:

Mile 3: 5:55. Better. But ouch. I hurt.

Here are the official results:

Cannon Lake Duathlon 2008, Team Results
#728: Team Happy Pants (Steve Stenzel, Matt Linder), St. Paul, MN

1.75 Mile Run - 9:45 (5:25/mile), 1st
T1 - 0:12, 1st
14 Mile Bike - 39:27 (21.2 mph), 1st
T2 - 0:10, 1st
3 Mile Run – 17:47 (5:56/mile), 1st

TOTAL: 1:07:20
1st place out of 4 teams

We had gotten first place among the teams, and we had a clean sweep of all 5 categories! We had the fastest run, T1, bike, T2, and run! Sweet!! (BTW, my run times were faster than ANYONE ELSE who was in the individual race. And Matt’s bike time was the 4th fastest among all the individuals.) We both had a great day!

Guess what? I brought the Nipguards to the race, but I forgot to put them on! But, thankfully, because I was wearing a good, tight shirt, I had no issues like last weekend. See? No blood:

(but one of the scabs rubbed off, which you
can see sitting just to the left of the nipple)

So Matt and I chatted with some of the other teams near the finish line:


Double fisting brats

We stuck around for the awards. Here’s everyone under the shelter, because it had started raining again:

“Team Happy Pants” was called up as the first place team. We weren’t given medals (boo), but we were each given $15 gift cards to a local running store. Sweet!

Just after getting our prize:

We packed up, said goodbye to our cheering section, changed out of some wet clothes, and took off. Before going home, we stopped at the Nike Outlet Store. I bought some SWEET, SWEET socks to wear with the Bowl Full of Sunshine. The problem is, I already have girlie looking legs. Now (with the new socks), I look like a woman wearing leggings:

I dunno what to think of these

Then we stopped at McDonalds for a bite. I needed McNuggets. Quick question: does anyone really buy 10 piece McNuggets? The 10 piece was $3.79. The 4 piece was $1.


So I bought 12 pieces for less than the cost of a 10 piece:

Do they think we’re dumb?!?

Then, while “Happy” (AKA Steve) drove back home, “Pants” (AKA Matt) was sawing logs in the backseat:

I got home and ate a burrito (of course):

Overall, it was a great morning! We got a little wet, but we currently hold the course record in the team event at the Cannon Lake Duathlon! We both had fun (and we both beat ourselves up pretty good in the process).

And BTW, the official photos from the Half IM last weekend (where I dressed as the Grim Reaper) are going to be up shortly, and I’ll be posting them as soon as I get them. They should be great! Thanks for reading everyone!!


Kelly 10:34 PM, September 13, 2008  

I was thinking HOLY CRAP about how fast your mile times were... but then I saw it... the photo of you finishing. You just float the entire race, don't you? Is that how you're so fast? It's ok... I won't tell anyone your secret.

Amy Jurrens 10:36 PM, September 13, 2008  

Congrats on the record-setting day. Too bad the weather sucked. Good thing the sun was out on your butt!!

Oh man! I barely got through your post after reading about the pre-race meal. Snuffy's!! I miss that place. When I lived in Little Canada I ate there all the time. That's it! I'm coming to the Cities for a burger and malt at Snuffy's.

Glad to hear the nipsies made it through the day.

IronGambit 11:25 PM, September 13, 2008  

dude, you should wear some nipple guards.

Anonymous,  5:24 AM, September 14, 2008  

emerging from the mostly lurking closet to say I LOVE YOUR POSTS.

sure they funny
yes they informative
but mostly after Im done reading I always feel as though I can skip my though I did yours with you and it's time for MY McD breakfast trip.


Jeff 6:32 AM, September 14, 2008  

Can't wait for you to debut those "socks" in a future race.

I always get great nutritional tips from you, Steve. Will definitley be doing some Mickey D's math at my local outlet.

Nice race!

Sixteen Chickens 7:34 AM, September 14, 2008  

Just wondering if your students are still avid readers of your blog?

Julie 8:06 AM, September 14, 2008  

Congrats to team Happy Pants on a race well run/rode!!!

Those socks!!!! WOW! I'm thinking they may get more comments then the Grim Reaper costume!

Gotta Run..... 8:23 AM, September 14, 2008  

No matter how many times I see those shorts I just freaking laugh my butt off. Too funny!

I have no remarks for your pace... it is insane!!

GREAT TEAM effort!

Trishie 8:37 AM, September 14, 2008  

Hilarious race report, as always, Steve. Great job, Team Happy Pants!

Brian 9:20 AM, September 14, 2008  

You've got some good jeans to be able to eat all that junk and a. not get fat. b. not have to poop all day long.

Stef0115 9:34 AM, September 14, 2008  

Great job on the race, I cannot BELIEVE how fast you run. It IS insane!

So are those socks.

Congrats on taking first place!

331 Miles 9:42 AM, September 14, 2008  

Winning is always nice, regardless of the field! Good job!

It was near 100F here in South Texas yesterday. Crazy to see ya'll up there in hoodies.

Marci 9:57 AM, September 14, 2008  

Nice race... congrats on first place :)

3 bikes per rack... sweet!!!!

Born To Endure 10:16 AM, September 14, 2008  

Love the leggings..I know where i'm going tomorrow..hope I can find some like that. do you eat like that and look so fit?? I want to be on your eating program..:-))

Jess 10:22 AM, September 14, 2008  

Great job on the record setting event! I wonder if your BIL is related to a Nicole Linder I went to college with there in MN.

:) 10:25 AM, September 14, 2008 run fast.

Sonia 10:42 AM, September 14, 2008  

Congrats Team Happy Pants!! What a great fast Day!! I cannot believe how fast you run...

Sue 11:50 AM, September 14, 2008  

Thanks for the comment..she can run..did you see the video post...Looks like you had a fun, fun,fun day...

JT 12:59 PM, September 14, 2008  

Eewww... rat mcnuggets... the chicken tenders aren't bad, but those nuggets are made out of who-knows-what!

brendaj 2:09 PM, September 14, 2008  

Nice job! Love the yellow socks.

Unknown 2:48 PM, September 14, 2008  

great job. And those socks with the shorts are somehow perfectly you!

triguyjt 2:57 PM, September 14, 2008  

congrats on the team win..
glad to know the bowl of sunshine did its job...could have been disaster....

see...i would never think of doing the math on the mcnuggets...i would buy the ten...

gotta see the official grim reaper photos from the half...i can imagine the official photo people looking at those..hilarious...

teacherwoman 3:41 PM, September 14, 2008  

Congrats to team Happy Pants! :) Way to go!

Anonymous,  5:27 PM, September 14, 2008  

Congrats to Team Happy Pants! You smoked everyone else's asses. :)

As for your nippies, glad they didn't rub off more.

Love the yellow tights, you must wear them in your next running race or even a training run - just to see the reaction of others.

Lastly, you are one fast runner. How about we make a deal? You train me to run faster and I'll get you to swim faster.


Anonymous,  5:30 PM, September 14, 2008  

Those socks are RIDICULOUS, but oh so funny!!!

Good job on the race.

Kate 5:42 PM, September 14, 2008  

Um, you eat a lot of crap! You must have an iron stomach!

I can't hardly believe how fast you are. Great job Team Happy Pants.

Speed Racer 7:24 PM, September 14, 2008  

First of: Hahahahahaha about the title to your blog. Then, hahahahahaha about the rest of it, and an extra hahahahaha about the socks. Okay, I'm laughing AT you, not with you about the socks.

And holy crap you're a fast runner! Congratulations on your convincing victory over the 3 other teams and 4 cats that competed! I think you probably would have won, even if 5 teams showed up. Congratulations!

Charlotte 10:25 PM, September 14, 2008  

I'm in love with those socks but I have to ask - what is it with you and the frozen burritos???

Erin Leigh 10:27 PM, September 14, 2008  

You guys rocked it.

LMAO at your "tights".

Oh and you should post pics of your BIL more often ;)

C 4:43 AM, September 15, 2008  

Reading your blog always makes me smile. Congrats to Team Happy Pants! Way to stick it to the competition. :)

Runner Leana 9:49 AM, September 15, 2008  

Congratulations Team Happy Pants! You guys had a fantastic race. Those brats afterwards look good... I think those yellow socks look fantastic with the Bowl Fullof Sunshine!

Eric 10:51 AM, September 15, 2008  

LOL!!! Yeah!!! Those socks make you look hot LOL!!!

Aron 11:16 AM, September 15, 2008  

another GREAT report!!! great job on the race, you guys rocked it!!

Renee 12:32 PM, September 15, 2008  

Wow you guys are awesome! Love reading the reports and I love love love the socks!!!

Nitmos 1:11 PM, September 15, 2008  

I know your nipples better than my own. And I don't like that. Thanks for nothing.

a.maria 1:18 PM, September 15, 2008  

jeevus mary and joseph. this post makes me want to barf.. but not at the ridiculous amounts/choices of food you put in your mouth post-run...

i want to barf at your mile splits.

how is that even possible!?! i don't understand. my mind doesn't compute running faster than 8:00 minute miles.

good gawd man!

Anonymous,  1:44 PM, September 15, 2008  

Way to go Team Happy Pants!!!

I wish my legs looked that good in leggins!

Fizzgig 2:05 PM, September 15, 2008  

daaaaang, 3 miles in 5.55? say wha? you were smokin!

love the socks. do they have a purpose other than being totally awesome?

Mnowac 3:30 PM, September 15, 2008  

seriously at any mintue a ball could just fall out of those shorts, are they really necessary?

sRod 7:58 PM, September 15, 2008  

Your second alternative title sounds like a cheesy porn flick.

And those socks...make you look like a chick. I thought you were exagerrating, but you're completely right. If you can pull that off, well, you are a braver man than I.

Congrats on the awesome race.

Darcy Franklin 8:30 AM, September 16, 2008  

The leggings actually make your legs look like bird legs. The yellow color would go perfect with a chicken suit. Halloween is right around the corner. You ran a 1/2 marathon in a tri with a grim reaper, how bout' a half marathon (the monster dash) in a chicken suit. Not sure if I should be giving you any ideas.....

Anonymous,  10:17 AM, September 16, 2008  

Have you ever had the suicide sunday from Snuffy's?! I haven't been there in ages, so I'm not even completely sure it still exists, but it's a challenge. You're up for a challenge, aren't you? Aren't you??!

b 10:33 AM, September 16, 2008  

But you forgot to use the NipGuards Steve but oh well! Big time congrat goes out to Matt and yourself on cookin' the win in the first year Duathlon :-) also I'm glad to see the usual post-race burrito made it into the report as always...

Kim 1:54 PM, September 16, 2008  

are those regular socks or are they ahem, compression sucks? either way, they are hilarious. team happy pants needs to come race in new england! i want a sickle up my ass...ummm. right.

J~Mom 8:37 PM, September 16, 2008  

Congrats on another great race!

I found a good one for you but you probably have to travel for it:

Kelly 1:13 PM, September 17, 2008  

Very impressive race report. And those new socks....nice choice.

Anonymous,  4:06 PM, September 17, 2008  

On the race...awesome. One the socks...Big bird comes to mind...

RooBabs 4:45 PM, September 18, 2008  

Way to go Team Happy Pants! Excellent race and great job on setting the inaugural tone.

So, on my race report about The Classic 10k, I was describing the outfit of the guy in front of me at the start line- yeah, it totally reminded me of the Bowl Full of Sunshine, ROFL!!

Oh, and about the socks- I only wish my legs looked half as good as yours, ha ha. Only you could get away with wearing those in public. = )

Viv 10:00 AM, September 26, 2008  

Awesome race and pics Steve..ok when you come out blurry in a run shot cause ur too fast I officially get depressed. LOL!

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