15 (Funny) Secrets Runners Won’t Tell You

Buzzfeed recently posted about 21 things that runners won't tell you. But 6 of them were crap. So here's my list of the 15 secrets that runners won't tell you:


1. Your running rotates around your pooping schedule.

Because there’s nothing worse than having to poop during a run.


2. Which means you know how to make yourself poop.

Coffee, then cold water, repeat.


3. You lose half your weekend to long runs.

If you’re running anything more than 10 miles, you not only have to be a good kid the night before, but spend the entire post-run day napping and eating.


4. You always feel great post-run, but the “runner’s high” remains pretty elusive.

I've gotten this like twice. Over the course of about 10 years of running.


5. And even if you’ve run long distances (10+ miles), you’ll still sometimes struggle through a 3-miler.

Sometimes you hate it!


6. Losing one or more of your toenails is a very real possibility.

And when you go to get a pedicure, someone usually makes a face.


7. Your running clothes smell like DEATH.

8. Two words: SNOT ROCKETS.

But you shall embraceth the snot rocket, as runners before you embraceth the snot rockets before them.


9. It’s easier than you think to get dehydrated.

That gross, flu-like, nauseated, headache-y feeling you get after a long run in the sun? Yep, you’re dehydrated, because you didn’t drink 30,000,000 gallons of water prior.


10. Yes, your knees will hurt sometimes.

And your Achilles tendons. And your ACL. And your quads. And your hamstrings.


11. You spend way too much money on shit like this.

12. Sometimes you’ll get bloody socks when you run.

Blisters! It happens.


13. You’re obsessed with your Garmin — and might even like it more than your smartphone.


14. Nipple chafing is REAL.

15. But in the end, you love it so much that all the weird and gross stuff is totally worth it.