Why You Should NOT Purchase Race Photos!

Yesterday, I had my 1,000th post. I didn't have time to do anything too fun, so I thought I'd "celebrate" now with #1,001. So lets have some fun..... ;)

Recently, I got an e-mail from my buddy Sean. He works for Final Stretch (a local race organization), and said he had come across 2 "full-sized" race photos of me from the Waseca Triathlon. He sent me these 2 images:

On the bike.


On the run.

Those two images were DRASTICALLY scaled down from the original files. The originals were 3,456 x 5,184 pixels, or around the 18 megapixel range! If I were to zoom into the photo above to 100%, it'd be THIS BIG:

I've never ordered an official race photo before, so I thought I'd take a CLOSE look at these images.

First, the one on the bike. When I looked close at my face, I saw that my helmet was a little crooked, and my visor was poking me sideways in the nose:

Classy.

Then I looked farther south. Remember, this was the race where I first wore the "Tutti Frutti" swim shorts, and they have NO padding! They are just swim shorts. So that made THIS an extra lovely shot:

There could be FEWER fat rolls on top and MORE "fat" rolls on the bottom.
If you get my drift.

Then I saw my shoulder. Is this divot normal? It looks like I had something removed:

Is that normal? Yikes.

Then I looked closely at the photo of me on the run. There are a lot of "issues" with the way I look in this photo (expression and hair are the worst), but I like seeing my shadow in the reflection of my glasses:

And then I saw my hand. My DANG PINKY was sticking out just a little! Why do I "daintily" run with my pinky out when I start to hurt?!?

Side Note: you've seen this "pinky out" issue before. Here's an image from the Liberty Tri this last year....

Oh so dainty.

....and here's one from the end of 2009 when I was sprinting to the line of the Monster Dash 10 Mile:

That pinky is WAY out there!

Then I looked just below my pinky in that race photo from Waseca.

Do you know what NO ONE wants to see in their race photos? Love handles.

Do you know what's WORSE than love handles? HAIRY love handles!

Screw you, race photographer. I didn't need to see that.

When I thought I was done looking at the train wreck known as my race photos, I looked BEHIND me in the photo of me on the run. The photographer actually captured drips of sweat coming off of me during that HOT run. These little specks are only visible below my waist, as if beads of sweat were rolling off my leg hair:

Nasty.

Let me state this for the record:

I'm.

Never.

Ordering.

A.

Race.

Photo.

I'm just a nasty mo-fo. Gross.

(Back with 2 race reports on Monday and Tuesday: Pharmie's 10K and my indoor 5000 meters.)