Lifetime Fitness Olympic Triathlon Report

>> Sunday, July 13, 2008

Yesterday was the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon, and Pharmie and I both did the Olympic course. It was Pharmie’s third time doing this tri, and my second. It was TECHNICALLY my first Olympic triathlon, because 2 years ago when I competed in this race, it was 99 degrees and they shortened the bike and the run because of the heat. So it was going to be my first full Oly.

Before Race Day:

Pharmie, her sister Anne, and I all went to the race expo. On the way, we had to make a stop at a porn store and pick up a family-friendly blow-up doll (it’s a long story as to “why,” so I’ll just leave it at that). While we were there, we grabbed a free copy of “Midwest Nights.” It’s a magazine that highlights the best strippers from the local clubs. It was nasty. Then Anne read us all our “sex-o-scopes” (while making this “grossed out face”):



Mind you, Anne is only 17. Pharmie’s a horrible sister for sneaking her into a sex shop. Her poor virgin eyes!

Then we stopped for a pre-race meal at Snuffy’s Malt Shop in our neighborhood. I had a huge bacon cheeseburger, fries, and we all split a malt.


Perfect pre-race food!!

Once back at home, I popped all my chest zits from my chest wax (full story coming Tuesday). Then I shaved my legs and arms. Again, I’ll have all the photos posted on Tuesday, but here’s 1 little teaser. This is all of my (former) leg hair:


It looks like I fed my Mogwai after midnight...

Race Morning:

I had a crappy night of sleep. Pharmie and I were laying in bed, talking about our race goals before falling asleep, and that just made my mind race all night. I fell asleep around midnight, and I woke up at 3:30 before my alarm. Sweet. A solid 3.5 hours of sleep. I’m good to go.

We loaded up the car and got to the race. Here I am after unloading the car, getting ready to walk about 3/4 of a mile to the race:



We walked our stuff to transition, got body marked, had a good poop, and got all ready to go. Because we had a cool spring, the water was just under the cut off for wearing wetsuits. I wasn’t going to wear mine, but because of the herpes chest (see previous posts), I figured it’d be good to get it covered up. No need to scare any children. We put on our suits, got out of transition, watch the pros start (and finish the swim), and then we jump in the water to test it out. We both had a good lake pee. We were ready to go.





The Swim:

It had been a long time since I had a good open water swim, so I didn’t know what I could do. I wasn’t going to push too hard in the swim, but I wasn’t going to just flop around until it was done either.

The swim at this tri is nice because one person goes out every 3 seconds - it’s individual starts, not massive wave starts. I found my spot in line (between 1215 and 1217) and worked my way to the water.

I took off nice and easy. I felt good. A few hundred meters into the swim, it got tougher. Here’s my problem: when I swim at the pool at the Y, I tend to pop out of the water for just an extra second and take an extra breath at either end of the pool. In open water, I wasn’t getting those extra breaths, and they were catching up to me. I knew this was going to be an issue. A little bit later (maybe 1/3 through the swim), I found my groove. Instead of breathing every 3 strokes as I swim in the pool, I did this: 3 strokes, breathe, 2 strokes, breathe, 3 strokes, breathe, etc, etc. Dropping a stroke every-other set was just what I needed. I had a system and was doing A-OK.

On the back part of the swim, I swam up on someones’ legs without knowing it. They kicked and I was cracked right under the chin. Not too big of a deal. The biggest issue was just after we had made our final turn back toward shore. A lady and I bumped pretty hard, and she kicked me in the face. My goggles shot off my eyes, but stayed on my head. I immediately shot up vertically in the water to reposition my goggles. As I shot up, my left calf CRAMPED UP LIKE A MOTHER! I don’t cramp up. I have never cramped up before: not swimming, not biking, not running, not masturbating. Never. It was a tight, zinging Charlie Horse. My left calf was completely tense, and it felt like a rock. I didn’t want to stop, so I kept swimming, but I couldn’t use my left leg. So I was kicking with my right while my left was just dragging there, along for the ride. I was swimming like a lame duck.

After about 60-90 seconds, it felt better, so I slowly starting kicking with both legs again. ZING! It cramped up tight and sore again! I immediately thought the worst: “My 2 big races for the year (Grandmas Marathon and the LTF Tri) I’m going to DNF! I’ll have dropped out of both!” I was not OK with that. So I kicked my way back to shore for the next 4-6 minutes without using my left leg at all.

When I hit the sand and stood up, it felt a little tight / sore / iffy. I didn’t know how it was going to act the rest of the day. Here’s a quick little video that Anne took of me running out of the water, acting very hesitant on that crappy leg:


The good news: my swim time was right about where I wanted it to be! Two years ago at this same event, my swim was over 42 minutes. Yesterday, it was under 32! That is an improvement!! (Still no speed demon.)

Swim: 0.93 miles (1.5K): 31:56
Pace: 2:07 / 100 m


T1:

I ran up the beach to the parking lot, I stripped my wetsuit (which was a struggle), I tried to get on my tight shirt while wet (which was a struggle), and off I went. It was NOT pretty. Long stinkin’ T1 time.

T1: Swim to bike: 4:26 (ouch)

Bike:

Well, the bike wasn’t going to be my strongest suit. I’ve only gotten in a few good training rides this year, so I didn’t know what to expect. After about 5 miles, I had my computer show my average speed. I was at 19.7 mph. That was nice! Can I hold that? At about mile 12, it dropped to 19.6, but I got it back up to 19.7 again. A few miles later, when we were riding a little more into the wind, it dropped down to 19.6 to stay. I was OK with that.

My weird calf cramp from the swim wasn’t really being bothered, but it definitely never went away on the bike. It was always just in the back of my mind. It didn’t hurt much, but I didn’t know how well it would hold up on the run.

Here are a few photos that Anne, Borsch, and Steph took of my on the bike. They complained that I was too speedy, so they couldn’t get a good photo. Judge for yourself:


That’s my blue back and the tip of my helmet


Look FAR right. That’s my wheel, handlebar, and finger.


Focus!


Finally a decent one, heading back to transition

With a few miles left, I told myself to let my average drop down to 19.5 mph so my legs would be a little fresher for the run. I would be happy with that average. But now that the slight wind was at my back, I actually got my average back up to 19.7! I kept telling myself to take it easy, but I WAS taking it easy! And I was doing OK. So that’s where I finished the bike.

Bike: 24.8 miles (40K): 1:16:19
Average Speed: 19.7
(according to my bike computer)

T2:

Rolling into the dismount area, I saw TacBoy as a volunteer. He was telling everyone where to dismount. I gave a big smiley, “HI THERE!” as I rolled by. He smiled: “Steve Stenzel!! Go Stenzel! Nice job!!!” He shouted at me as I was plugging my way into T2.

I ran my bike into transition, stripped the bike shorts, and put on the SHORT YELLOW SHORTS! Yes, they had to make another appearance. Once I was changed, I sat for an extra 30 seconds and stretched my calf. It was pretty nasty-tight from that weird incident in the water, but I had high hopes for it - I figured it wouldn’t give me much trouble on the run. Or, at least I HOPED it wouldn’t give me any trouble.

T2: Bike to run: 2:16

Run:

The first few steps of the run were a little hairy - my left calf was definitely tight. It felt like it was going to loosen up during the run, and it did. It was a little sore throughout, but it was OK.

I was on the run: my strongest event. And I was making it known that it was my strongest event. I was literally passing people left and right. I spent a lot of time jockeying for position in order to get around people. In the first loop (5K), I felt like I passed about 100 people, and I was only passed by 1 person. Sweet.

Mile 1: 6:40
Mile 2: 6:51
Mile 3: 6:46

My times were pretty consistent. I was starting to hurt a little. Things were getting ugly. I had to stop and walk for a few seconds during a water stop in mile 5. My spilt that mile was SUPER LONG, but talking with Pharmie later, it seemed like the “mile 5” marker was a little far - it made mile 5 long, and the final 1.2 miles a little short.

Mile 4: 6:52
Mile 5: 8:05 (long mile)
Mile 6 and the last 0.2: 7:12 (short mile)

I was hurting. But over the entire 10K, I only let 1 person pass me. And I was running the course with people who were doing a 5K run in the sprint course (only 1 lap around the lake). And none of them passed me. I had hoped to have had a faster run, but I guess I can’t really complain.

Run: 6.2 miles (10K): 42:34
Pace: 6:52 / mile


So here are the final numbers, along with how I placed:

• 0.93 Mile Swim: 31:56
• T1: 4:26
• 24.8 Mile Bike: 1:16:19
• T2: 2:16
• 6.2 Mile Run: 42:34
• Total: 2:37:33

Place: 26 out of 111 in Age Group
Overall Place: 231 out of 1148 Oly finishers

Highlights:
• PR in an Oly swim by over 10 minutes!
• Averaged 19.7 on the bike (fast for me!)
Placed 5th in AG on the run (out of 111)!
And 60th overall on the run (out of 1148)!


I’m really proud of those last 2 stats! As I mentioned before, I was hoping to run faster (sub 41 was my goal), but I guess I can’t complain about a run that was 5th in my AG and 60th overall! I’ll take it!

After I finished, I ran into Cathy Y. She finished first in the group of Amateur Elites (in 2:11)! Way to go Cathy! Shortly after, I found Anne and Steph (Borsch was out looking for me), and we waited for Pharmie to come in. Steph grabbed a photo of me all sweaty, looking like crap in the “bowl full of sunshine” (at least it was smooth, hairless crap):



Pharmie wasn’t too far away. She rocked the course and PRed at this race by 24 minutes! Way to go, Pharmie!!

Once she finished, we hung out in the finishers area for a while. She wasn’t feeling too swell for a few minutes, so we sat in the shade together.





That was that. We grabbed our things and walked back to the car. We ran into Jumper next to our car, and chatted with him for a while.

A super big thanks to Anne, Borsch, and Steph for cheering us on yesterday! Thanks guys!

Remember to check back on Tuesday for the full story of my chest waxing. I still need to edit the video. And I’ll also put up some official photos from the LTF Tri as soon as they come rolling in (you’ll be able to see the “bowl full of sunshine” at work on the run course!). Thanks everyone!!

(p.s. My calf is quite sore and tight this morning. Do I heat it? Ice it? Massage it out? Go for a little walk? Stay off it all together? Stretch it? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!)

Read more...

Pre-Race Update

>> Friday, July 11, 2008

I was waxed. There will be pictures and a video posted Tuesday. There was one problem: this morning, I woke up all broken out. This is what I looked like when I got up this morning, all covered in zits:



I showered and scrubbed all the white-heads off. Gross. It hurt. I rubbed the special cream all over. Then I looked like this:



So if you’re coming out to watch the triathlon tomorrow, look for the person that looks like one giant herpe. (Is that proper usage of the singular form of “herpes”?) Because that will be me. Good thing I don’t embarrass easily.

So look for my race report on Sunday, and the waxing report (with video) on Tuesday. Thanks!

Read more...

Quick Chest Waxing Report

>> Thursday, July 10, 2008


- - - I am smooth - - -


(Direct YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbQu1E8eREs.)

This is only a teaser video. If you want to see the full footage, you’ll have to check back later. Here’s the schedule:

• Sunday: Lifetime Fitness Tri Race Report (and first images of hairless Steve!).

• Tuesday: Full waxing video!! Not to be missed!!

Wish us luck this weekend at the triathlon! I hope I’m not red and bumpy anymore. And I hope the burning sensation cools off shortly...

Read more...

RACE WEEK!!

>> Tuesday, July 08, 2008

• Don’t worry, I’m still getting waxed in 2 days! I haven’t wussed out yet. Just after I posted the previous post about “taking the plunge,” my 17 year old sister-in-law called me. She’s going to be spending a few days with us shortly. She called and said “STEVE! When you get waxed, I NEED to come with you! CAN I?!?” She is SUPER excited to see me go through hell (and get proof of it for all of you). Check back Thursday night to see if I actually went though with it...

• Big Rhonda (the Dyke Bike) is all ready to go this weekend. I put some new rubber on her wheels for the first time in about 3,000 miles! Armadillo tires can put up with a lot of crap! I cleaned her all up to get ready for the big day:


Does this cassette look like it has 3,000 miles on it?


Again, 3,000 miles have never looked so good!
She's cleaned up and ready to roll!


Big Rhonda, the Dyke Bike, all ready to go!

I got in a nice ride on her last night, and all the new rubber seemed to hold up well! She was smooth and light! I got a little sweaty on my fast, hot ride:


Does this sweat make my boobs look big?

• I went for my last open-water swim this evening before this weekend’s triathlon. I headed to Lake Nokomis (where the LTF Triathlon is held), and went for a little swim. It went OK. Coulda been better, coulda been worse. I just need to remember to stay calm during the swim this weekend.

• An easy run tomorrow, an hour of horrible man-pain on Thursday, and I should be all ready to go for this weekend! If you plan on being at the event on Saturday, look for Pharmie and I in waves 22 and 23. My scheduled start time is 7:45 am, and Pharmie’s is 7:51 am. Wish us luck!!

Read more...

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO?!?!

>> Monday, July 07, 2008

I just stopped by to inquire.
The "service" I desired wasn't on their price list.
I asked "How much?"
The price was fair.
She told me Ann Marie was one of the best in the Cities.
Ann Marie had an opening at 3 on Thursday.
She said Ann Marie wouldn't mind if I brought a camera to take photos.
I deliberated.
I finally gave in.

I'm getting my chest waxed on Thursday in preparation for the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon (which is 2 days later).

Lord help me.

This is how my chest looks as of 9:20 am today:



It will look different in a few days. You'll want to check back. I'll have photos. And hopefully, I'll still have 2 nipples too - I hear those things can just get ripped right out while being waxed.

I'm so freakin' scared.

Read more...

Free To Run 5K Photos

>> Saturday, July 05, 2008

The following are some of Gary’s photos from the Charities Challenge “Free To Run 5K” yesterday. That’s why I love these events - the president of the organization is running around with his little digital camera, shooting photos of everyone! When does that happen?!

Everyone waving at the start (no need to point me out):



Ready, set, go:



Hitting the finish line, stopping my watch:



As I mentioned in my last post, Gary had me announce the finishers for a while. Part way through, he told me to pose for a photo. This is the best pose I could come up with. Sorry it sucks so hard:


People haven’t posed like that since the 70s...

This woman brought someone to run the race from Switzerland, and here I am announcing him as he comes to the line:



Getting ready to go, when Gary asked me to say a few words:



Here are the official results:


The first female was on my tail - just 20 seconds back

- 3rd overall
- 2nd in age group
- 2nd personal fastest 5K


So check out the last post for my race report if you missed it. And thanks Gary for all the great photos, and for a fun race!

(And now that’s 5 out of the last 6 posts that contain the “bowl full of sunshine!” Sweet.)

Read more...

Free To Run 5K Race Report

>> Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy 4th of July!



Pharmie and I got up around 6 am. There was one big difference: she was getting up to go to work, and I was getting up for a 5K:


This photo pretty much sums up our relationship.

(Sweet, the short yellow shorts [bowl full of sunshine] have made their way into 4 out of my last 5 posts!) I drove down to Harriet Island near downtown St. Paul where the “Taste of Minnesota” is going on. The race was put on by Charities Challenge, and I’ve loved all their races in the past (this was my 5th race in the last year with them). I saw Coach Jeanne, and she gave me a hug: “It’s underwear guy!” Then I went and checked out the finish line:


Downtown St. Paul, the Mississippi River, and the finish line

We got to run the last 0.2 mile along the river, looking up to downtown. It was great! I love St. Paul! I sat and stretched near the port-o-john row. Here was my view:



I snapped one last photo of people getting ready to start before I dropped off my camera before the race:



I talked with Tom who was the “pace bike guy.” He was nice to chat with, as is the case with everyone that helps out with the Charities Challenge events. We all got up to the starting line, and Gary (the president and founder of Charities Challenge) welcomed everyone and pointed out those that he knew. “...and there’s Steve Stenzel in the short shorts. Good luck Steve!...” Thanks Gary!

And we were off.

The race headed out of the Harriet Island area and followed the Mississippi south. We climbed a little hill out of the park and headed under the High Bridge:



I was in 4th place, but I knew I’d catch the guy who was currently in first place: he went out SUPER fast, and he didn’t look like he was going to be holding that pace. Sure enough, around 3/4 of a mile into the run, I passed him (and said “Good morning!” of course). I was in 3rd at the mile mark.

Mile 1: 5:33

Whoa. That was fast. And I’m not going to be able to hold onto that. Or... maybe... maybe I can... No, probably not. I haven’t done ANY speed work since my heel really acted up over 2 months ago. At the turn-around, I was hurting (not my heel, just that overall “I’m running too fast” feeling). I was just over a block behind the 2 leaders, but I was just trying to hold on.

Mile 2: 5:57

That’s more of the time I was expecting. I was really wishing that I had done some recent intervals or other speed work, because it would have come in handy. I wondered if some Chuck Norris Action Jeans would have helped out:



We were coming up on the High Bridge SOO slowly. I could still see the 2 guys in front of me, but they were pulling away. As I was coming down the hill back into Harriet Island, I heard Jeanne shouting from the registration area “GO STEVE! WAY TO GO!!” I couldn’t see exactly where she was because of the bright sun and a bug that committed suicide in my left eye.

Mile 3: 5:59

Well, I kept them all under 6, so that’s something! I rounded the final corner and ran the last few 100 meters along the river. I tried to enjoy the view, but I was pretty hashed. Those 2 guys in front of me pushed me nicely.

Last 0.1: 0:36
5K Total: 18:07
Place: 3rd out of about 150

Not too shabby. I was hoping to finish around 18:00, so no complaints! It’s my second fastest 5K time. Just a few minutes after finishing, Gary came over and handed me the microphone and asked me to announce the finishers. So all of the finishers that finished between 21:00 and about 28:00 were announced by yours truly! It was fun! I would just see them running to the finish, quick check their number, find their name and hometown on the sheet of paper in front of me, and cheer them home! Gary snapped photos of all the people finishing, and he stopped over once or twice to say “You’re good at this!” to me while I was on the mic.

When I was sitting near the Mississippi catching my breath, the 1st place woman (who finished just behind me) stopped by to talk. “That outfit is JUST shy of being scandalous...” she said with a big smile. I gave her a big smile back, and said, “Why, thank you!”

So we cheered all the runners in to the finish line, and then it was time to go. Gary asked me to say a little something to the crowd first. I didn’t know what to say (plus I finished 3rd, so I’m not sure why he didn’t ask first place...). I ended up saying something like “Oh, wasn’t that a great, shady course?! Nice day for a race! Let’s hear it for Gary and Jeanne who set up this run, and all the great volunteers who are helping out today!” People clapped. I thanked Gary and headed home.

I got home, and Steph wasn’t awake yet. When she finally came downstairs, she asked if I wanted blueberry pancakes. I wanted to punch her in the face for even asking. OF COURSE I WANT BLUEBERRY PANCAKES! So she made the thickest blueberry pancakes ever!



Gary snapped a lot of photos, so I’ll post those (along with the official results) when they are available. So check back early next week! AND check back for the ordeal of me going hairless for the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon next weekend!

Finally, here are a few more 4th of July cards:





Have a fun, safe, Holiday weekend everyone! Don’t forget the sunscreen!!

Read more...

Random Updates and a Question

>> Wednesday, July 02, 2008

• I signed up for a 5K on Friday morning. It’s called the “Free to Run 5K” and it’s at Harriet Island in St. Paul. It’s put on by Charities Challenge, who always seems to have fun, low-key events. Will I see any of you local bloggers out there? There’s a pretty good chance the short yellow shorts (AKA “bowl full of sunshine”) will make an appearance.

• WE. JUST. GOT. INTERNET. AT. HOME. We are freaking out here, man. The year 1995 has welcomed us with open arms.

• I completed a pretty hardcore brick workout yesterday. I’ve been trying to work on my cycling because, let’s face it, it needs a lot of work. So I tried to push out a fast 25-mile ride, and I did it in 1:23:06 (18.0 mph average). I sprinted into the house, quickly changed shorts, grabbed a drink, and headed back out just over 2 and a half minutes later. Then I banged out a 4.5 mile run in 29:26 (6:32 / mile average). That was good. But there was a little bad news: my GOOD ankle started to hurt a few miles into the run. Damn. I think it was a one-time only thing, so I’m hoping for the best here.

• I NEED YOUR HELP. I’m planning on going hair-free for the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon in just over a week. I need ideas on the funniest way to get hairless. What pattern can I “carve” into my hair as I’m going hairless? If you remember, when I first removed all my body hair for my half IM and IM WI, I did “half and half, before and after”:



Then, later that year, I went hairless again, only this time I started with a heart (to symbolize my love for Pharmie):



Any ideas for my go-around next week? It can’t be too elaborate, because I’m not SUPER hairy. So something too detailed, like the state of Alaska, wouldn’t be conducive to this process; that would just look like a blob. So, what pattern/logo/symbol should I remove in my chest hair before removing all of it?

Read more...

WIBA 2008: Part 3

>> Tuesday, July 01, 2008

On Saturday, before the yellow shorts made their special appearance in Lake Mendota, I went for an ACTUAL swim. Here are 2 photos from James that show Sarah and I getting back from a 800 - 1000 meter open water swim:





The next day (Sunday), the WIBA group met up for one final workout: a run along the IM WI run course. Here’s the group (and a few more showed up just after we snapped the photo):


Pharmie’s squatting in white.
I’m giving love to Rural Girl on the far left.

The night before, some jerk started teasing Stu about his muffin top. For the record, Stu has no muffin top (just the slightest bit of love handles). When I’m Stu’s age (that’s not meant to be insulting), I’d LOVE to have his mid-section! So when we got to the Sunday morning run, someone had brought a little bag with Stu’s name on it. The bag contained a muffin. Jerks. Stu asked for a photo with him, his muffin, me, and my short yellow shorts:



Then Robby gave some final advice about the run course:



We were all ready to go. Here’s a little video I took of everyone on their way out:


There were 2 guys that went out faster than us, and I was in the next group of 5 guys. We did one loop on the run course: 13.1 miles. Here’s the group I ran with:


Coach Dan, Art, Stu, and Charlie

Stu made us stop at the highest point on the run for a quick photo:



A few miles later, while running down State Street, we heard something in the shadows:


“Who’s there?... It’s too bright. I can’t see...”


“Oh, it’s James! Smile!”

That’s right folks: my shirt had been off for a few miles because it was getting pretty warm. All I was wearing was my “bowl full of sunshine.” And much to Pharmie’s chagrin, they held up GREAT for 13 miles! No chafing! No rubbing! I think I’ll wear these shorts on runs more often! Pharmie would have loved for the shorts to have rubbed me raw somewhere, so I’d have to say “Oh jeez, I guess I can’t wear them for runs anymore.” But no! As Tony the Tiger says, THEY’RE GRRRRREAT!

With a few miles left in the run, Art’s nipples were rubbing. He asked if it was uncouth to borrow someone else’s nipple band-aids. Stu gave Art his nipple-aids, and Art put them on without breaking stride:



We ran most of the run around 8:15 pace, but then we picked it up in the last few miles to finish the 12.75 mile run near 8 min/mile pace. It was an easy pace for me, and Charlie even remarked once, "Dang it Steve, I can't even hear you breathe! You aren't working at all, are you?" We got back, and one of the guys I ran with told everyone “Holy cow, Steve’s a beast!” I had apparently picked up the pace quite a bit and brought Charlie and Art back to the Terrace where we finished. Wil heard the “beast” remark, combined it with the “magnificent” comments from the wet shorts the day before, and the rest of the day I was known as “Steve the Magnificent Beast.” Sweet. I’ll take it.

Pharmie came back from a slightly shorter run, we got back to the hotel, showered, packed up, and headed to our last stop of the day: Endurance House (a tri store). WIBA hosted a bike clinic just outside of Endurance House. Here’s a photo of Chris talking over some derailleur issues:



We hung out with some old and new friends for a while, gave lots of hugs, said our good-byes, and took off for home. We had a great weekend and got in some great workouts! Big thanks to Wil, Robby B, Evotri, James (for the photos!), and everyone else who made it such a fun event (for the 3rd year in a row)!

One and a half weeks until Pharmie and I compete in the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon at Lake Nokomis!

Read more...

Twitter

Follow steveinaspeedo on Twitter

Facebook Fan Page

All content and original images copyright 2006 - 2026 by Steve Stenzel, AKA "Steve in a Speedo." All Rights Reserved.
Want to use something seen here? Just ask - I don't bite.