Steve in a Speedo?! Gross!: Friday Funny 1268: Lies Parents Tell

Friday Funny 1268: Lies Parents Tell

>> Friday, May 05, 2017

Parents are evil. We tell lies to make our job easier. Here are 19 good ones from AcidCow:

E coli, maybe, but probably not worms. (Still, it's worth the risk.)

Genius.

Realistically, I'm sure there's SOME spot on the street where this is true...

More funny things posted all week long on steveinaspeedo.tumblr.com. HAPPY WEEKEND! I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm RACING tomorrow!!

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2024 Race Schedule

• Tri-U-Mah Indoor Tri Relay, Feb 3: Race Report, Race Results with More Pics, and Final Thoughts
• Spirit of White Bear Lake 5 Mile, April 6: Race Report (2nd overall, 1st in AG, 1st master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• Get in Gear 10K, April 27: Race Report, Team Results, and Race Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 27: Race Report, How I PRed, and Race Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 12: Race Report and Final Notes
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 8: Race Report (2nd overall, 1st in AG, 1st master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 6: Pre-Race Thoughts, Race Report (5th out of 545 in AG), Final Thoughts, and Official Photos

2023 Race Schedule

• USATF MN Indoor Championship 5000 Meters, March 12: Race Report (1st in AG) and a Few Final Notes
• Hot Dash USATF MN 5K Championships, March 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), 3 More Things, and Photos from the Start and Finish
• Get in Gear USATF MN 10K Championship, April 29: Race Report and Post-Race Notes
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 29: Race Report and Post-Race Notes
• USATF MN Masters Track and Field Championship Meet, June 24: Race Report (1st in AG and 1st Master)
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 16: Race Report, Me at the Finish, Finish Line Photos, and More Photos
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 10: Race Report (3rd overall), Comparing the Last 3 Years at This Race, a Few Final Notes, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 1: Cancelled Race, but a Made-Up 10 Mile "Race"
• Fall Classic Duathlon, Oct 8: Race Report
(1st overall), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos
• USATF MN 8K CC Championship, Nov 5: Race Report (1st in AG, 1st Master), Final Thoughts, and Race Photos

2022 Race Schedule

• City of Lakes Loppet Fat Bike 20K, Feb 6: Race Report, Race Photos, More Race Photos, and Updated Results
• Get in Gear 10K, April 30: Race Report, Finish Line Photos, Weird HR Issues, and More Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 30: Race Report and More Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 17: Race Report, Recap of 1 Mile Races, and Race Photos
• Square Lake Sprint Triathlon, Sept 11: Race Report (3rd overall), Comparing 2021 to 2022 at Square Lake Tri, and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 2: Race Report, A Few Final Race Notes, Race Photos, Photos from the Finish Line
• MPLS Halloween Half Marathon, Oct 29: Race Report and Race Photos

2019 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Feb 10: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 9: Race Report
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 16: Race Report (8th overall pushing a double stroller), More Photos, and a Gross Close-Up
• Goldy's Run 10 Mile, April 7: Race Report (3rd in AG), Photos from Mile 3, Official Photos, and More Photos
• TC 1 Mile, May 9: Race Report and Race Photos
• USATF MN Masters Outdoor Championship 1500, June 9: Race Report (2nd in AG), Final Race Thoughts, and More Photos
• Litchfield Watercade 4 Mile, July 13: Race Report (3rd overall), More Photos, and Garmin Data
• Heart of the Lakes Sprint Triathlon, July 21: Race Report (3rd overall), Post-Race Notes and More Photos, and Garmin Data

2018 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Feb 18: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 10: Race Report, Race Photos, and Team Results
• Hot Dash 5K, March 24: Race Report, Race Photos, and Comments on My Race Attire
• Falls Duathlon, April 28: Race Report
• Cinco "DU" Mayo Duathlon, May 5: Race Report (2nd overall) and Official Photos
• TC 1 Mile, May 10: Race Report and More Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 28: Race Report and More Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 15: Race Report, a Few More Points, and More Photos
• MDRA 15K, Aug 5: Race Report (racing with BOTH boys), Race Photos, and Team Photos
• Maple Grove Tri, Aug 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), Race Photos, and More Photos
• One Last Tri, Sept 16: Race Report (1st in AG, 4th overall), and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 7: Race Report, Photos from Mile 3
• MPLS Halloween Half 10K, Oct 27: Race Report (2nd overall), More Photos, and Still More Photos

2017 Race Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, Jan 15: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Results
• O'Gara's Irish Run 8K, March 25: Race Report, Team Standings, and Race Photos
• Falls Duathlon, April 29: Race Report (3rd in AG), and More From the Race
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 6: Race Report (1st overall)
• Brian Kraft 5K, May 29: Race Report, Race Photos, and Team Results
• Trinona Triathlon, June 11: Pre-Race Report, Race Report (4th overall), Final Race Thoughts, and Official Race Photos
• Raspberry Run 1 Mile, July 16: Race Report and More Photos
• Tri-ing for Children's Triathlon, July 29: Pre-Race Report, Race Report (5th overall), and Official Race Photos
• Minnesota Triathlon, August 12: Race Report (2nd overall) and Race Photos
• TC 10 Mile, Oct 1: Race Report, Photos from Mile 9, and Photos from Mile 3
• MPLS Halloween Half Marathon, Oct 29: Race Report (5th overall) and Race Photos

2016 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles, Jan 11: Race Report, Results and Video
• Securian Run Half Marathon, Jan 30: Race Report, More Photos, and My Garmin Data
• Half Fast Half Marathon (turned 25K), Feb 20: Race Report, Results, and Comparing My Paces From Two Halfs
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 12: Race Report (7th overall RACING WITH BOTH BOYS!) and Results
• O'Gara's 8K Irish Run, March 19: Race Report, Team Photos, and Team Results
• Fort Snelling 15K Relay, Oct 16: Race Report
• Rocky's Run CC 6K, Nov 6: Race Report (14th overall, 1st in AG), and More Photos
• Fast Before the Feast 5K, Nov 24: Race Report (7th overall RACING WITH MY SON AND NEPHEW!) and More Photos
• Donut Mile, Dec 29: Race Report (2nd overall) and Race Video

2015 Event Schedule

• YWCA Indoor Tri, March 8: Race Report, Official Results (2nd overall), and More Photos from Devon
• Cinco DU Mayo Duathlon, May 2: Race Report
(1st overall), and Official Photos
• Oakdale Duathlon, May 9: Race Report (1st in AG), and Results and Final Thoughts
• Tuesday Night Time Trial, June 2: Race Report, and a few More Photos
• Duathlon Nationals, June 6: Part 1, Part 2 - my Race Report (4th in AG), and More Photos
• Capitol City Triathlon, June 14: Race Report
• By George Triathlon, June 27: CANCELLED!
• Lake Waconia Triathlon, June 28: Race Report (3rd in AG)
• Life Time Fitness Tri Relay, July 11: Race Report (1st relay), and Official Photos
• Life Time Fitness Super Sprint Tri, July 11: Race Report (1st overall), and Official Photos
• North Mankato Tri, Aug 9: Race Report (4th overall), and Photos of me in the Mankato Free Press Newspaper
• Looney Challenge, Oct 3-4: 5K and 10K race report, TC 10 Mile race report, Loony Challenge Results (3rd overall), Official Photos, and Final Series Thoughts
• New Year's Eve Donut Mile, Dec 31: Race Report (2nd overall)

2014 Event Schedule

• Israman Half Iron Triathlon, Jan 16: Pre-Race Red Sea Swim (video), Race Report, Race Photos, More Race Photos, Final Race Notes, and Instagram Photos from my Israel Trip
• Y Guys Swim Meet (50, 100, and 500 yds),
Feb 23: Meet Report and Official Results
• YWCA Indoor Triathlon, March 16: Race Report and Official Results (1st overall)
• Tues Night Time Trial, June 3: Race Report, More Photos
• Trinona Time Trial, June 7: Race Report, More Photos, Even More Photos and Final Thoughts
• Trinona Triathlon Relay, June 8: Race Report (1st place coed team)
• North Mankato Triathlon, June 28: Race Report (2nd place team)
• Waconia Triathlon, June 29: Race Report (1st place team)
• Waseca Triathlon, July 27: Race Report (8th overall, 2nd AG), Part 2, and Race Photos
• Lake Marion Triathlon, Aug 17: Race Report (3rd overall), Official Photos
• Treadman Duathlon, Sept 20: Race Report (7th overall, 2nd AG)
• TC Looney Challenge, Oct 4-5: 10K and 5K Race Report, 10 Mile Race Report, and Final Series Results (1st overall)
• ALS Superhero Dash 5K, Oct 11: Race Report (1st overall, raced WITH HENRY!), Final Race Thoughts, and some Awesome Race Photos
• "Kitten Mile," Nov 1: Race Report (3rd overall)

2013 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles, Jan 14: Race Report, Results and More Photos
• Y Guys Swim Meet (50 and 100 free), Feb 23:
Race Report, Things I Learned, Official Results
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 23: Race Report (4th overall, raced WITH HENRY!), Official Photos
• Falls Duathlon, April 27: Race Report (11th overall), More Photos, Official Photos
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 4: Race Report (FIRST DUATHLON WIN!), Part 2, Official Photos
• Gear West Duathlon, May 19: Race Report (3rd place team), Crowning of the Relay Champs, Devon's version of the race, More Photos
• Trinona Time Trial, June 8: Race Report (14th overall), Race Video (from my helmet cam), and Race Photos
• Friendship Day 2 Mile, June 29: Race Report (1st overall)
• Richard A. Hoska Midsummer Mile, July 10: Race Report (12th overall), helping verify that the race was short, and More Photos
• Waseca Sprint Triathlon, July 28: Race Report (2nd in AG), Garmin Data, Race Photos, and More Race Photos
• TNT Time Trial, July 30: Race Report, and Race Photos
• Lake Marion Sprint Triathlon, August 18: Race Report (2nd in AG, 7th overall), Part 2
• Square Lake Half Iron Relay, Sept 8: Race Report (DNF), More About My Team, and Official Race Photos
• The rest of 2013: INJURED.
• Swim-Off Against a Pro Triathlete, Dec 12: Race Report, Follow Up, and Devon's Response

2012 Event Schedule

• Meet of the Miles*, Jan 9: Race Report, Results
• Securian Run Half Marathon*, Jan 28: Race Report (21st out of 830), A few final thoughts on the race, Race Photos
• Human Race 8K*, March 18: Race Report, More Photos, Final notes and Grand Prix standings
• Lake Johanna 4 Mile, March 24: Race Report (HENRY'S FIRST RACE WITH ME!), Race Photos
• Get in Gear 10K*, Apr 28: Race Report, Grand Prix standings
• Cinco Du Mayo Duathlon, May 5: Race Report (2nd overall!), Race Photos with a report from first place, Race Photos with people looking at my butt
• New Prague Half Marathon*, May 12: Race Report (4th overall), Grand Prix standings, How I had such a good race, Official Photos
• Brian Kraft 5K*, May 28: Race Report, a few things post-race
• Hillfest (bike race), June 2: Race Report, Race Photos
• Trinona Oly Triathlon, June 10: Pre-Race, Race Report, Race Photos
• Minneapolis Triathlon (LTF), July 14: Race Report, More Photos, Official Photos, Finisher's Video
• Twin Cities Triathlon (??), July 22: CANCELLED!
• Rice Street Mile*, July 26: Race Report
• Run for Blood 5K*, July 28: Race Report (7th overall), Race Photos
• USC Alumni Run CC Meet, Aug 18: Race Report (3rd overall)
• Rochester Track Club Half Marathon*, Aug 25: Race Report (3rd in AG), More Photos
• Victory 10K*, Sept 3: Race Report, More Photos and Grand Prix Standings, Official Photos
• City of Lakes 25K*, Sept 9: Race Report, Photos, Official Photos and Grand Prix Standings, Post-Race Feet
• T.R.B. Mile, Oct 20: Race Report (5th place elite)
• Rocky's Run 6K (XC)*, Nov 4: Race Report (1st in AG), Race Photos, Final MDRA Grand Prix Standings
• Fast Before The Feast 10K, Nov 22: Race Report (4th overall RACING WITH HENRY!), Race Photos

The asterisks (*) denotes "MDRA Grand Prix" races.

2010 Event Schedule

• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 23: Race Report, Race Video (I ran with a camera), Photos
• "Ride of a Lifetime" Spin Class, Mar 7: Report, More Photos (on my Examiner page), Even More Photos
• 100% Irish For a Day TC 10 Mile, Mar 13:
Race Report (18th overall), Photos
• LTF Indoor Tri, Mar 14: Race Report (2nd overall), Results
• MDRA Lake Johanna 4 Mile, Mar 20: Race Report (6th overall), Photos and Results (on my Examiner page)
• Human Race 5K, Mar 28: Race Report (2nd overall), Photos
• MDRA Mudball Classic, Apr 18: Race Report (3rd overall), Photos from the Kids Race (on my Examiner page), One More Photo
• Pine Line Half Marathon, Apr 24: Race Report (2nd overall), Results and More Photos
• Cannon Falls Duathlon, May 1: Race Report Part 1 (11th overall), Race Report Part 2, Photos from Erik, Official Photos
• Oakdale Duathlon, May 15: Race Report (3rd place team), Photos, More Photos (on my Examiner Page)
• Gear West Duathlon, May 25: Race Report Part 1 (2nd place team), Race Report Part 2, Video
• Tues Night Time Trial, May 23: Race Report (23.01 mph)
• Tues Night Time Trial, June 8: Race Report (22.65 mph)
• Liberty Olympic Tri, June 12: Race Report (8th overall, 1st in AG), Race Photos
• WIBA, July 9-11: WIBA Report, More Photos, "Blender Trainer" Video and Photos
• Great Prairie 2.5 K Open Water Swim, July 18:
Race Report (3rd in Wetsuit Division), More Photos (on my Examiner page)
• Waseca Sprint Tri, Aug 1: Race Report (5th overall), More Photos, Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Even More Photos
• Mosquito Man Duathlon (r/b/r/b/r), Sept 4:
Race Report (4th overall), Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Video
• Twin Cities 10 Mile, Oct 3: Race Report (43rd out of 7,000+), Photos and Report (on my Examiner page), Spectating Photos, Cheering Video, Official Photos, Some Final Things
• T.R.B. Mile, Oct 16: 3rd in the "elite male" category
• LTF Indoor Tri, Nov 14: Race Report (1st out of 41), Results and more
• Challenge Courage Track Meet, Dec 19: Race Report (3rd place mile), Race Photos

2009 Event Schedule

• Challenge Resolution Track Meet, Jan 1: Race Report (4th place mile, 4th place 200 meters)
• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 24: Quick Photo, Race Report (6th in AG), Race Photos
• Rochester LUABC Half-Marathon, Feb 15: Quick Photo, Race Report (5th overall), Race Photos
• LTF Indoor Triathlon, Eagan, Mar 8: Race Report (3rd overall), Results
• Ironman 70.3 New Orleans, April 5: Goals, In NOLA, 10 Hours Til Race, Quick Post, PreRace, Full Report, Post Race
• MDRA Mudball Classic, April 19: Race Report (4th overall)
• Winter BeGone Duathlon, April 26: Race Report (4th in AG), Race Photos, More Photos
• Cannon Falls Duathlon, May 2: Race Report (6th in AG), Race Photos and Results
• Gear West Duathlon, May 17: Race Report (2nd place team), Race Photos
• Apple Duathlon, May 23: Race Report (11th in AG), Race Photos, More Race Photos
• Liberty Olympic Tri, June 13: Race Report (9th in AG), Race Photos
• WIBA, June 26-28: WIBA Report, More Photos
• Free to Run 4 Miler, July 4: Race Report (3rd overall), Race Photos
• Splash and Dash, July 14: Race Report (1st overall), Results, Video
• Chisago Lakes Sprint Tri, July 26: CVA Tri Club Students Reports, Race Report (9th in AG), Race Photos
• TNT Time Trial, Aug 4: Race Report
• Splash and Dash, Aug 11: Race Report (2nd overall), Results
• St. Croix Valley Oly Tri, Sept 6: Race Report (2nd in AG), Photos
• Get Ready to Rock 10K, Sept 12: Race Report (1st overall), Photos
• Cannon Wells Duathlon, Sept 26: Race Report (1st place team), Results
• Medtronic TC 10 Mile, Oct 5: Race Report (95 out of 5797), Spectating Photos, Race Photos
• Monster Dash 10 Mile, Oct 31: Race Report (3 out of 937), Race Photos, More Photos
• Tesfa 5K, Nov 7: Race Report (1 out of 52), Results
• LTF Indoor Triathlon, Lakeville, Nov 22: Race Report (1 out of 60), Results

2008 Event Schedule

• St. Paul Winter Carnival Half-Marathon, Jan 26: Race Report, More Photos
• Race Up The Place Stair Climb, Feb 2: Race Report (1st place), Photos
• Lifetime Indoor Triathlon, Feb 24: Race Report (t-10th), Results
• B-Fit B-Day Tri, Mar 13: Race Report
• Human Race 8K, Mar 16: Race Report
• Joe Plant 5K, Mar 30: Race Report (1st place), Results
• Doughnut Run 5K, April 13: Race Report (1st place), Results
• Winter Begone Duathlon, April 27: Race Report (2nd in AG), Results, Photos
• Gear West Duathlon, May 18: Race Report (2nd place team), More Photos
• Apple Duathlon, May 24: Race Report (6th in AG),
Results & Photos
• Grandmas Marathon, June 21:
Countdown: 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0
Race Report (DNF Part 1), Race Report (DNF Part 2)
• WI IM Brick Adventure (WIBA), June 28:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
• Free To Run 5K, July 4: Race Report (3rd place),
Photos & Results
• Lifetime Olympic Tri, July 12: Race Report, More Photos
• Chisago Lakes Sprint Tri, July 27: Race Report, More Photos
• St. Croix Valley Sprint Tri, Aug 30: Race Report (8th in AG), More Photos
• Square Lake Half IM, Sept 7: Race Report: Video, Part 1, Part 2, Race Photos
• Cannon Lake Duathlon, Sept 13: Race Report (1st place team)
• Osceola Duathlon, Sept 28: Race Report (1st place team), Race Photos, Newspaper
• Challenge Aging 5K, Oct 12: Race Report (1st place), Race Photos, More Photos
• Monster Dash 5K, Oct 25: Race Report (2nd place), Results, Revised Results & Photos
• Tesfa 5K, Nov 1: Race Report (2nd place), Results
• 623 Run, Roseville, Nov 8: Race Report (12th place), Results
• Giving Thanks 5K, Nov 27: Race Report (4th place), Race Photos
• Challenge Courage Track Meet, Dec 21: Race Report (3rd place mile), Race Photos

2007 Event Schedule

• Lifetime Fitness Indoor Triathlon, Feb: Race Report 1, Race Report 2
• Apple Duathlon, May: Race Report 1, Race Report 2
• WI IM Brick Adventure, July: WIBA Report
• Chisago Lakes Half IM Triathlon, July: Race Report, More Photos
• Ironman Wisconsin Triathlon, Sept:
  - Pre Race: 1, 2, 3.
  - Race Day: IM Race Report, BIG IM Race Report
  - Post Race: 1, 2, 3, 4.
• Monster Dash 5K, Oct: Race Report, Official Results
• Tesfa 5K, Nov: Race Report (1st place finish)
• Giving Thanks 5K, Nov: Race Report (2nd place finish)
• Reindeer Run 5K, Dec: Race Report

Race Count and PRs (since 2006)

1 Mile: 4:49.53 (best of 6, on a 200m indoor track)
1 Mile (road): 4:50.0 (best of 2)
2 Mile: 10:38 (only 1)
3 Mile CC: 18:10 (only 1)
5000M: 17:17 (best of 2, on a 200m indoor track)
5K: 17:11 (best of 20)
5K (w/ stroller): 17:56 (only 1)
6K CC: 23:25 (only 1)
6.23K: 24:20** (only 1)
4 Mile: 22:42 (best of 2)
4 Mile (trail): 24:48 (best of 2)
4 Mile (w/ stroller): 23:48 (best of 2)
8K: 29:15 (best of 2)
10K: 36:46 (best of 4)
10K (w/ stroller): 37:16 (only 1)
10 Mile: 59:05 (best of 6)
Half Marathon: 1:20:54 (best of 8)
25K: 1:39:50 (only 1)
Marathon: DNF (only 1)
3.5 Mile Trinona TT: 12:27.4 (best of 2)
10 Mile TT: 23.1 mph (only 1)
11 Mile TT: 23.01 mph (best of 4)
13 Mile TT: 22.16 mph (only 1)
13 Mile "Hillfest" TT: 19.5 mph
Splash n' Dash (swim/run): 2 times
50 Yard Free: 31.03 (best of 2)
100 Yard Free: 1:09.88 (best of 2)
100 Yard Free (pool start): 1:09.6
500 Yard Free (pool start): 7:26.08 (only 1)
2.5K OW Swim: 47:57 (only 1)
Duathlon: 17 times
Duathlon (relay): 10 times
Indoor Tri: 10 times
Sprint Tri: 15 times
Sprint Tri Relay: 4 times
Olympic Tri: 2:15:37 (best of 7)
Half Ironman: 5:28:25 (best of 3)
Half Iron Relay: 7:03:06 (only 1)
Ironman: 13:53:32 (only 1)

Steve in a Speedo?! Gross!

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Friday Funny 1268: Lies Parents Tell

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