Friday Funny 12: Cheating In Sports

Cheating is becoming a MAJOR problem in professional sports. Just take a look:

And because it’s the day after Thanksgiving, I thought this graph was appropriate:

Finally, in a “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” ad that came this past weekend, Pharmie found this for me:

She wondered how this gift would be properly given. I think this is how it would go: “Here Honey, I’m too disgusted to shave your back anymore, so now you have to do it yourself, you hairy bastard. Merry Christmas.”

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Giving Thanks 5K

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Last night, I was in charge of making “radish flowers” to take to our family meal today. Check out this fine craftsmanship:

I even made one into a “radish-o-lantern” just to see if anyone noticed:

...and it was eaten, and no one noticed it. Darn.

This morning, Pharmie and I headed to Como Park for the "Giving Thanks 5K." We got our numbers, said "hi" to Coach Jeanne, and here we are in the Como Lake Pavilion trying to stay warm before the start:

And here are some geese and ducks on the ice or in the frigid waters of Como Lake:

We hopped back in the car and warmed up for a few minutes, and then we were ready to race! We jumped out, and I showed off my sweet, sweet Thanksgiving Day outfit (it was the same thing I wore last year):

Is it still cool to tuck your shirt into your underwear?...

We got down to the start, lined up with 700 other people, and we were off! This race had the miles marked, but they were marked with how many miles were LEFT, so it was a little backwards. I just went with it. I took off in about 12th place, and by the “3 miles left” sign, I had moved up a few spots.

First 0.1 miles: 0:34. Running in 10th place, running pretty comfortably.

0.1 thru 1.1 miles: 5:55. I had just passed a group of runners, and I had moved into 6th place. When I started the 2nd lap around the lake, Gary (president of Charities Challenge) announced me as I ran by. Pharmie said that she heard me being announced on the P.A. system from across the lake! Too funny!

Right at the half-way point (next to the pavilion), I caught another runner, and I was now in 5th.

1.1 thru 2.1 miles: 5:57. Not bad. I now knew I’d be keeping them all under 6. We were running past the walkers that we had lapped, and it was a mad-house. They were all over the trail, and many would laugh at my outfit as I ran by! I loved it!

About a half mile from the finish, I caught up with 4th place. I said “good morning” and passed him. I held that place through the finish, and ended up 4th overall.

2.1 thru 3.1 miles: 5:39. Nice final kick – good last mile.

Total: 18:07
4th out of nearly 700
Tied for my 3rd fastest 5K
My fastest 5K (out of 3) run on that course

I ran back to the car and grabbed my camera. I got back to the finish line just in time to get a photo of Pharmie finishing her first 5K in a year:

Those are lapped walkers behind her

She wasn’t as fast as she hoped, but she still did great! I gave her some warm clothes (that I had brought from the car when I got my camera because I’m a good husband!), we walked back to the car, and headed for home. What a nice morning run to start off Thanksgiving!

I hope you all had a great day! We all have so much to be thankful for! I’ll be back with a Friday Funny later tomorrow, and I’ll have more race photos from Gary in a few days! Happy Black Friday!

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5 Sexy Things About Me

It’s 4 am. I can’t sleep. I just might be up for the day. So I thought I’d share 5 things about me. Oh, and they’re not really “sexy” - I’m just sleep deprived, so leave me alone.

1: I carry way too much crap in my pockets. I washed my jeans this weekend, so I had to empty my pockets. This is what came out:
- 1 pencil
- 3 pens
- 3 Sharpies
- 2 flash drives
- chapstick
- plastic whistle
- checkbook
- wallet
- $8.89 in change (enough to feed a starving child for 5 weeks)

2: I eat Totino’s Pizzas in EXACTLY 32 bites. (My favorite is the sausage or the combo.) I cut the pizza into 8 equal slices. Then I eat each slice like this:
1. Cut off the tip, eat.
2. Cut more off the same end, eat.
3. Cut the remainder in half, eat piece closest to me.
4. Eat remaining bite.

3: For how “techie” I am, I don’t run with an iPod, HR monitor, or GPS. I’m pretty old-school when it comes to some of these things. When I run, I want to be alone with my thoughts, so I just go and run. I don’t need to know my current pace, how many calories my left pinky has burned, how many times I’ve farted in the last mile, how much saliva I’m producing, etc. (that’s all stuff your Garmin can tell you, right?) I run a route that has stoplights every half-mile, so I can (roughly) check my splits. But otherwise, I’m running free. And for how much I rely on my computer, I track all my workouts (swim, bike, run, lift, stretch, etc) on paper. Here’s a week out of my training log from just before my half-ironman a few months back (heavy training):

And here’s last week, with more cross-training than swimming or biking:

4: This is unrelated to me, but have you seen the new “Doritos Collisions?” How sweet is that?!? Two great flavors in one bag! All the “pizza” powder gets on the “ranch” chips and vice versa! It’s heaven! It’s like having late-night sex WHILE watching Conan O’Brien!

5: I’d like to get an M-Dot tattoo, but first I need to get a different tattoo. In case you didn’t know, I’m a photographer and a college photo professor (that’s why I had 3 Sharpies in my pocket in photo #1: students always need to label the CDs they are turning in). I’ve always said that my first tattoo will be the shutter speed dial from my first camera. I still think this would be nerdy cool as my first tattoo:

Call me a geek. I can take it. I know it’s true.

Also, I think a few of us are going to be running the Giving Thanks 5K on Thanksgiving morning around Lake Como here in St. Paul. It’s an easy 5K course, but both races I’ve done on it have eaten me up! We’ll see how this one goes! Happy Thanksgiving (if we don’t talk before Thursday)!!!

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P.S. To My Last Post: More Crossfit

BTW, after running intervals on the track and then doing a makeshift Crossfit workout right there on the snowy track (see last post), I came home and did ANOTHER Crossfit workout a few hours later. Yes, I’m a glutton for punishment.

I thought I’d do the Twenty One workout that I did last Saturday. Only this time, I cheated a little (note the asterisks below).

"Twenty-One"
Complete the following for time:

• 20 push-ups/1 sit-up
• 19 push-ups/2 sit-ups
• 18 push-ups/3 sit-ups *
• 17 push-ups/4 sit-ups *
• 16 push-ups/5 sit-ups *
• 15 push-ups/6 sit-ups *
• 14 push-ups/7 sit-ups *
• 13 push-ups/8 sit-ups *
• 12 push-ups/9 sit-ups
• 11 push-ups/10 sit-ups
• 10 push-ups/11 sit-ups
• 9 push-ups/12 sit-ups
• 8 push-ups/13 sit-ups
• 7 push-ups/14 sit-ups
• 6 push-ups/15 sit-ups
• 5 push-ups/16 sit-ups
• 4 push-ups/17 sit-ups
• 3 push-ups/18 sit-ups
• 2 push-ups/19 sit-ups
• 1 push-up/20 sit-ups

Push-up standards: Body stays planked whether you are on your toes or your knees. Chest touches the deck. Arms to full lockout.

Sit-ups on an Abmat with feet unsecured**, all the way up.

* I had to finish some of my push-ups “girly” style: on my knees.

** This time, I locked my feet under our entertainment center once I was doing 8 or more sit-ups.

I know I “cheated” by doing some push-ups on my knees, and by securing my feet for the sit-ups, but I was already pretty beat-up from the workouts earlier in the day. So don’t be mad at me.

Last Saturday, I did the workout in 16:54. Two days ago, I did the same workout (only I cheated) in the EXACT same time: 16:54. Weird.

Speaking of weird………

...that would be weird enough without Uncle Bill...

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Speed Saturday: Intervals and Crossfit

I woke up, and it was 24 degrees with white stuff all over. No, not cocaine. No, not Barry Manilow groupies (that was a failed “white person” joke). I’m talking about snow. I got down to the track, and you couldn’t even SEE the track:

Jeremy showed up when I did. Jen (a different Jen than the one last week) showed up a few minutes later. And Borsch came jogging in just after that. I THOUGHT we might have 9 people, but the snow made half of them wuss out (just kidding you 5). So it was just the 4 of us:

We couldn’t see the marks on the track, so Borsch and I made a new "starting line" with our shoes:

I took off to do 3 1600s. Jen was going to do the same. Here she is with 800 left in her final interval (she averaged around 7:20!!):

Borsch was finishing a longer run. Jeremy sometimes ran with him, and sometimes with me. Here they are with a lap or 2 to go:

I ran my 3 1600s with 90 seconds rest between. My first one was my slowest mile interval ever, but then I picked it up (but still not as fast as I’m used to - there was a fair amount of slippage on the snow):

6:01
5:47
5:48
5:52 average

Here I am all sweaty after the last one:

THEN, I had this great idea for a Crossfit-style workout.

- Run through the bleachers: 336 stairs
- 15 push-ups
- 10 sit-ups (all the way up)
- Repeat

So this is what the route looked like:

I started at mid-field in the circle, ran through the bleachers (up and down and across), ran back to mid-field, dropped to do push-ups and sit-ups in the circle, and started over again.

Jeremy and Jen did the first one with me. Here’s Jeremy and I running down a set of stairs (it looks like we’re not moving, but we are):

I did that "Twenty-One" workout last weekend, and a few of you mentioned how poor my push-up form was. And you were TOTALLY right. I didn’t realize that I dropped my head so much. This week, I totally rocked my push-up form. Borsch held down the shutter and created this sequence of me doing a pushup during my first or second set, and it’s (nearly) textbook:

Then I flipped over to do some sit-ups. Jeremy was with me:

I took off and did the whole sequence again. Here I am running from finishing the stairs to the place on the field to do my push-ups and sit-ups:

I looked a little more beat-up the next time through:

I did that sequence 5 times: 4:03, 3:49, 3:46, 3:46, 3:50. That’s a total of 1680 stairs (840 up, 840 down), 75 push-ups, and 50 all-the-way-up sit-ups. Not a bad way to spend a chilly 24 degree Saturday morning!

Afterwards, I offered rolls to everyone. I brought them to celebrate the “blog of the year” award. Being there were just 4 of us meant that I was bringing a lot home!

No problem. I’ll take care of them...

Anyway, it was another great Saturday morning of intervals! We won’t meet next week (Thanksgiving weekend), but we hope to meet up again in 2 weeks! Happy Weekend everyone!!

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Friday Funny 11: R. McDonald and Truthful Ads

Ronald McDonald - why is he always so smiley? Oh... this is why:

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And what if those pesky internet ads told the truth?

And if you’re a local, show up at the St. Thomas track in St. Paul tomorrow (Sat) at 9 am. First intervals, then a Crossfit-style workout right there on the track. Should be sweet! I’ll have photos tomorrow. Happy Friday!!

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Running in the Metrodome and Weekend Intervals

Last night I got home late, and I nearly missed my workout. Pharmie came home 5 minutes after me, and she said she was headed to the Metrodome (home of the Vikings and Twins) for MDRA’s Dome Running. So I tagged along.

The Minnesota Distance Running Association opens the dome 2 nights a week for runners to run laps on the 2nd concourse. It’s open all winter, and it just costs A BUCK!! AND we get to take in the scent of stale catsup and mustard for the whole run!!

Here’s 2 (blurry) photos that I snapped as soon as we got there:

Slower runners going counter-clockwise on the outside


Faster runners going clockwise on the inside

They have signs all over marking the distances. The inner loop is for sub-7:00/mile, and the outer loop is for 7:00+/mile. Pharmie was going to do 1-lap intervals, and I was going to run 14 laps, which equaled 5.26 miles at a tempo pace.

Here are my splits for each lap:
(Note that 2:20 / lap equals 6:13 / mile)
2:14
2:22
2:21
2:24
2:25
2:25
2:26 - 16:39 first half
2:24
2:22
2:23
2:20
2:19
2:18
2:11 - 16:21 last half
33:00 for the 5.26 miles (6:16 / mile pace)

My heel is a little sore from pounding on the concrete, but it will be nice to get in a faster, warmer, non-icy run now and then at the Dome. I hope to go about 2 times each month. We’ll see...

In other news, we’ve got another group together to run intervals and/or stairs at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul. We’re meeting at 9 am on Saturday at the track. We’ll run intervals (or whatever) on the track for a bit, and then we might do a Crossfit-inspired stairs/push-ups/sit-ups workout. I’ve contacted a lot of “the locals” already, but let me know if you’d like more info! It should be fun!!

p.s. I’m rooting for Analeigh right now to win ANTM!! Go Analeigh!! (Update: Analeigh got 3rd. She was robbed. Boo.)

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Bad News, Good News, Bad News

Bad News: I was sick yesterday. It was similar to a poem that I posted over 2 years ago where I had this infamous line:

It was a sad, sad sight: I had horrendous squirts!
It felt like the cast of Sesame Street was parading out of my ass, complete with Ernies and Berts.

But in no time, I was better. And by “no time,” I mean “after 11 hours of pooping liquid.” My butt hurts.

Good News: Because all of you voted, I was voted the #1 “Sports Endurance Blog of 2008!” There were 1028 votes cast, and a good chunk of them were cast in my diretion. Thanks for the votes everyone!! More on this shortly...

Bad News: In my “Speed Saturday” post a few days ago, I mentioned that my watch battery died. That’s sadder than it seems. You see, whenever I went to the “Chrono” mode, it would tell me “81 free” laps. But it’s a 100-lap watch...

Well, I erase every workout once I have it recorded, but I never had the heart to clear my splits from Ironman WI 2007. For the past 14 months, I’ve carried those splits around on my wrist like a little badge of honor. I’m a sentimental schmuck like that. But now that I’ve had to replace the battery, those splits are gone. And it makes me a little sad. Now, I have 100 free laps for the first time in over a year...

...and do NOT go suggesting that the only way to get it back is to do another Ironman. Not now. So don’t go there. ;)

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