Friday Funny 700: The 25 Worst Questions to Ask A Runner

>> Friday, April 04, 2014

... And 1 Pickup Line That's Guaranteed to Fail.

Runner's World recently posted this great list. Enjoy.

25. Are you fast?
We're pretty sure this is how our friends picture us starting every run.

Despite this impressive starting form, they might be surprised to learn that there are qualities of running you can't measure on a stopwatch.

Then again, they have nothing to compare you to. Might as well give them a resounding yes.

24. Would you rather sleep in?
Sleep in and miss a view like this?

The early bird gets the worm, and the early runner gets the sense of accomplishment all day long.

23. Don't you get tired?
Tired of being so awesome, maybe.

It's true, there's only so much energy you can spend in one day. But you get to choose how you spend it, and what's more worthy of your time and energy than your health? Not to mention experiencing a beautiful new trail, challenging our mind and body, or just taking a much-needed opportunity to reflect.

22. You run outside?
Bugs, traffic, blazing sun, blizzards.

Okay, so Mother Nature can be less than runner-friendly.

This can make running outdoors pretty perplexing to non-runners. But given a choice between staying cooped up all year or braving the elements every now and again, runners are notorious for toughing it out.

21. Isn't it too hot?
Not with this sophisticated hydration system.

For many of us, summer frees up time to run. So we'll admit that sometimes we do look a little crazy out there on the hottest days of the year.

Just leave the sprinkler near the sidewalk and we'll take care of the rest.

20. Isn't it too cold?
Winter running: it's like running at the beach, only instead of sand, you run through snow. And ice. And hail.

Actually, it's not like running at the beach at all (not that that's going to stop us).

19. Isn't it too windy?
Wind? What wind?

18. You run in the rain?
This one is particularly confusing for non-runners, and even runners that haven't tried it yet. Let's be honest: with hardcore runners grinning from ear to ear despite looking something like a drowned animal, who can blame them?

But even if running through a torrential downpour doesn't sound like your thing, you'll never know unless you try. Whether you like it or not, you'll get hardcore points and who knows—you might just find that puddle-jumping is the most fun you have all day.

But wear good socks. Trust us.

17. Do you really need more shoes?
Laugh all you want - this is one purchase we know we're going to get use out of.

16. Why would you need so many running shoes?
Okay, so we REALLY like rain runs.

15. Running is fun?
Are your non-running friends surprised to find that running could be fun?

After all, there's no TV, no tablet, no texting. Just you, your running route, and this weird thing called nature.

14. Don't you get lost?
Some of us have developed finely tuned navigational skills, some invest in high-tech GPS watches, and some of us - well, we'll just say we take the scenic route.

13. Do you need a ride?
Although it never hurts to ask, don't be surprised if we pass - chances are that we're out there on purpose.

12. What are you doing?
...Look, it's not weird.

Okay, it's a little weird, but we don't care. Once you've been injured, you'll do anything to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Even if it's an exercise that makes us look like we're playing a one-man game of Twister. And non-runners can say what they will, if it's between our dignity and injury prevention, well, there's plenty more where this came from.

11. Is running safe at your age?
Whether it's 50, 60, or 100, to runners, age is just another number.

We're not saying that it's easy. From our heart to our knees, the longer we run, the harder we have to work to make smart choices.

But more experienced runners have more perspective and more knowledge - not to mention more stories - than anyone else out there. So you might as well forget asking them if they should run: If you want to get a new perspective on running, ask them how they run.

10. Isn't it unhealthy to run so much?
Running has been shown to improve the health of everything from your heart to your brain.

We'll take our chances.

9. What about your knees?
Don't ask me about my knees.

8. So your knees do hurt?
We said, don't ask about our knees.

7. How do you hurt yourself running?
You may be a runner if you noticed the shoe structure before the banana peel.

Some runners get injured all the time, and others are seemingly invincible. But as much as we hate to admit it, even if running isn't what you would call a "contact sport," at some point or another most runners have to deal with some form of injury.

Luckily, it's not a death sentence (even if it feels like one). Most of us are back after a little time off, rehab, or cross training.

6. What is cross training?
What they picture when you tell your non-running friends you went for a water jog.

5. How far is your marathon?
There was a time when it was hard for us, too, to comprehend the distance of a marathon. But if you're going to come cheer us on, you better know how far we have to go.

No matter how much we love you, if you tell us "Almost there!" and we have 20 miles to go, we're going to have a problem.

For the record, a full marathon is 26.2.

4. Do you get bored?
Okay, maybe we don't look as happy as this guy. But we're smiling on the inside.

3. Did you win?
Winning is great, sure, but it's not everything.

Just in case though, standard operating procedure for winning a marathon by three feet without breaking a sweat is the double-fist-pump-eyes-toward-the-heavens combo.

2. Why pay so much to run a race?
Races - especially marathons - are pretty pricey. We'll admit that. But most events offer gear, events, stocked stations throughout the race, not to mention finisher-swag and post-race activities.

And face it - when you cross the line, the last thing that will be on your mind is the price tag.

Guaranteed to Fail
Here's a tip for non-runners looking to break the ice with the runner they've been eyeing:

'Running' and 'jogging' might be synonyms in the dictionary, but to us, there's a vital difference.

Using the word 'jogging' is a guaranteed fail.

1. Why do you run?
Our health. Our family. Our past. Our future.

Some runners are annoyed by this question and some are inspired. For most of us, it's just not one easy answer.

Why do you run?

According to #7, I guess I *am* a runner. And I'll keep #3 in mind...

Stop by for more funnies all week long!


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