Gear West Duathlon Trash Talk: 4th Edition

>> Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Late last week, Devon Palmer (the local pro triathlete who's challenged me to a team-on-team showdown at the Gear West Duathlon) posted this on his blog:

If you have a taste for drama then I have great news for you.

A couple years ago I met a bespectacled fellow in brightly colored shorts at the Gear West Duathlon named Steve Stenzel. He has an annual tradition of doing a relay with his brother in law Matt Linder. Linder came to my spin classes the one winter I taught at LA Fitness in Saint Paul. Linder is out in 2013 and Stenzel recruited a biker by the name of Pete Webster. I think he rode in the Tour de France a few years back on Team Lotto. Maybe I made that up, hard to say.

For the record: yes, Devon made that up. Gosh darn liar.

He goes on:

This winter I thought to myself, why let this Stenzel waltz away with the prestigious relay title at the Gear West Duathlon? There is no title more coveted. I turned to my friend and adidas tech rep Ben Kampf to fill out a squad. The two of us have officially challenged Stenzel and Webster and we are eager for the showdown May 19. If you think you can assemble a team to rival us by all means bring it on.

1st: "Waltz away?" Matt and I did it as a team 4 years in a row, and we came in 2nd the first 3 times. We finally won it (in dramatic come-from-behind fashion by only 13 seconds) at our last attempt in 2011. So we've never "waltzed away" with the win.

2nd: There are plenty of titles that are more coveted. Devon made that up. See my previous point about him being a gosh darn liar.

To wrap up, Devon says this:

Steve is a real tough talker on social media. I, being a quiet and modest Minnesotan, was reluctant to participate in any pre race trash talk but I have been forced to put out some honest thoughts about the race on Twitter. Keep up with this soap opera as it plays out on Twitter by follow me (@dpalmertri), Stenzel (@SteveinaSpeedo), & Ben (@BenKampf1). Webster is too busy riding 500 miles a week to talk smack on social media. Ben and I are both University of Minnesota alums and will be racing as “Gold Gopher Guys”. Stenzel & Webster are “Itchy and Scratchy”. There is talk of an equalizer to even the odds but that is still being negotiated.

LOTS of things wrong with this...

1st: DEVON IS NOT A "QUIET AND MODEST MINNESOTAN!" That's bull-honkey.

2nd: I'm the tough talker? ME?!? This coming from a man who tweeted this after I finished fourth in a road race with Henry in the stroller:



3rd: I'd love it if Pete were putting in 500 mile weeks on the bike, but I'm sure it's about 10x less. Pete, I'm not blaming you. This goes back to my original "gosh darn liar" remark about Devon.


In my post yesterday, I noted flipping through the RunMinnesota magazine and looking at results. Well, I found my name back there:



And Devon, I found YOUR name back there too:



So Devon, you finished in 1:25:50, which was 23rd out of 609.

I ran the Winter Carnival Half Marathon the last 5 years, but I didn't run it this year.

When I ran it last year, I ran it in 1:25:22, which was 21st out of 830.

I believe that's 28 seconds faster, and 2 places better in a MUCH BIGGER FIELD.

Suck on that, Mr. Palmer. Suck. On. That.

Also, here's a little astronomy lesson for you, Devon:



Yes. Awesome.

Oh, and one final thing. In my last trash talk update, I noted that Ben Kampf was picked as Devon's partner, and that it was Karma biting me in the butt because I was admiring his speedy wife's abs recently at a race. Well Heather (Ben's wife) tweeted back regarding the post about her abs:



Yes!!

Take that, Ben and Devon. Maybe I can get Heather on the side of "Team Itchy and Scratchy." (Yeah, probably not.)

Trash-talk timeline:
#1: Being called out to have a race.
#2: My history at the GW Du, and realizing Pete and I are toast.
#3: Devon announces Ben Kampf as his runner.
Twitter links: me, Devon, Ben, and Heather.

8 comments:

Steve Stenzel 7:38 AM, April 02, 2013  

p.s. I never make “fat jokes.” I happen to know that Devon’s Mom races mutltisport and is very fit. I’m sure she’s a wonderful woman. I always see “yo mama jokes” as so over-the-top that they can’t be taken personally. It is not my intention to offend with that joke. I’s obviously soooo over-the-top that it’s just stupid humor – the best kind. (Right after fart jokes.)

Greenking17 "TRI-harder" 8:10 AM, April 02, 2013  

So flipping great!! I love it. Super funny, especially knowing both of you. Your trash talk, though, is weak In comparison to Jared V. or Kevin O.

Steve Stenzel 8:19 AM, April 02, 2013  

Greenking, I would NOT want to get into a trash talk war with Jared or Kevin! Ha!

Kelly 9:14 AM, April 02, 2013  

This made me laugh so hard... I was thinking you were finally getting the hang of this trash talking thing and then the first comment was your own... apologizing... hoping you didn't offend anyone. You just can't help being a NICE GUY!! But that's okay, nice guys may finish well, behind the others, but at least they will have friends waiting for them at the finish line, maybe even with (root) beer. :)

Pete,  10:04 AM, April 02, 2013  

Ok no more swimming for me. I've got 450 miles to get in before Sunday. Ready set go....

SteveQ 10:20 AM, April 02, 2013  

Oh, this is getting fun! Here's how I'd deal with it: since you're probably toast before you start, just saturate the coverage of the race so it SEEMS like you won. You can get enough social media help to just swamp whatever they have to say.

"The sun came up over Itchy and Scratchy territory and with it a new dawn in the world of duathlons. Devon's reign of terror, started in cyberspace, was about to come to an end..."

Steve Stenzel 12:48 PM, April 02, 2013  

Kelly: oops. My bad. :)

Pete: don't kill yourself on the bike!

SteveQ: I love it! Ha!

adventuresinagegrouping 10:45 AM, April 03, 2013  

Wow, that escalated quickly. Brick killed a guy!

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