Recipe for Crotch Rot

Ingredients:

• 1 Speedo Jammer
• 1 Heavy Bath Towel
• 1 Paper Grocery Bag
• 1 Mid-Sized Car

First, start by deciding that you could probably fit in a good swim between teaching jobs if you brought your swim stuff with you for the day.

Take Speedo and Towel, and place in Paper Bag (along with any other swimming paraphernalia you may need). Take the Paper Bag, and place that in your Mid-Sized Car.

Go to work. Between jobs, head to the Y for swim with your paper bag of swim-gear. Swim a good 36 laps (plus warm-up).

After swim, quickly change for your other job, and place wet Speedo inside of wet towel. Ball up everything and place in paper bag.

Here’s the important part: Let wet ball of cotton and lycra (towel and Speedo) remain in paper bag in the backseat of your car for 4 days.

After 4 days of “basting,” remember that you really need to go for a swim at the same time that you remember that your Speedo is still in your car.

Get wet Speedo out of wet towel out of mis-shapen (from moisture) paper bag. Proceed to put Speedo on, wondering if it’s really a good idea.

Go to the Y and go for a swim. After swim, throw on workout-wear over Speedo.

Lift weights for 30 minutes. Then sit down to stretch.

Stretch until crotch starts to itch. (Usually 6 to 9 minutes.) Proceed to the exit frantically in order to get home.

Arrive at home and get nasty, wet Speedo off of itchy, itchy junk. Don’t tell wife because she’ll never travel south-of-the-border again.

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Man, by the way I’ve been treating my manhood lately, I’m surprised that it hasn’t just given up on me and left in the middle of the night. A few months ago, I nearly froze him off during a run. Now, I nearly allowed bacteria to eat him off. Jeez. I don’t make a good man.

And incase your concerned (Mom), everything is just fine. A good scrub in the shower works wonders. Lesson learned.