Joe Plant 5K Race Report

>> Sunday, March 30, 2008

Or, “Avoiding ‘Dingleberry’ Status”

Or, “Runnin’ On My Own In Short Shorts”

Joe Plant was a young marathon runner who was in training to fulfill his lifetime dream of becoming a St. Paul Police Officer. Joe and his friend, Joel, were known to run countless miles around Lake Phalen in St. Paul. Joe recently died in his mid-20s of heart failure. This run was the idea of his best friend Joel in memory of Joe.

Steph, Jon, and I hopped in the car early this morning, and headed out to Lake Phalen. Steph was going to cheer and lug our stuff around, and Jon and I were going for PRs. We got there, and got our race numbers:

They were HOPING for 150 runners, but they got over 400! There were a ton of police officers and groups of officers-in-training from the Police Academy. It was really great!

Let me explain this next photo: When I first wore shorts this year (just a few weeks ago), Bigun remarked about my apparently “long” shorts: “those aren't shorts...they are pants pulled up.”

And regarding my Ironman photos from last year, Kate said “I can't believe you ran a freakin' marathon in those shorts!” And the Dread Pirate said “Man, you look strong. Even in those shorts.” No love for my shorts.

So to show you all WHY I don’t wear short shorts, I decided to break them out today. Here you go, jerks:

See? SEE?!? This is why I don’t wear SHORT shorts! I’M PASTIE AND THIN! I DID have the modesty to wear my Under Armour (rolled up) under the shorts, just so my junk didn’t roll out during the run.

OK, onto some business. I had my traditional pre-race poop and was feeling good. Getting ready at the starting line, Gary (the President and founder of Charities Challenge) told those wanting to run a sub-20 to get to the front. I headed up with a few others:

Gary saw me and asked what I was hoping to run. I said “Around 18 minutes.” He wished me luck, and he started the race:

It took about 1 block for me to pull away from everyone else. After a 1/4 mile, I couldn’t even hear footsteps behind me. This entire race was spent out on my own, in front of everyone. The first mile was good and fast.

Mile 1: 5:38. Just around the first mile marker, I was coming up upon 2 ladies walking on the trail. In one breath as I passed them, I quickly said “There’s a lot of runners coming your way in about a minute.” They thanked me and I kept going. Steph said she could see me across the lake for most of the run, and she snapped a photo of me getting ready to climb a nice hill:

Can you see the sun glistening off my
white, pale, sickly-thin thighs?...

Mile 2: 6:04. Getting up to mile 2 was tough. We were running into the wind, and it was icky. This is where I start to hurt during a 5K. I was concerned that I was starting to crash. But I didn’t worry. I trusted my speed work, and I just picked it up and pushed hard...

Mile 3: 5:08. Sweet. It FELT fast and hard. PR, here I come. (mile 2 might have been a little long, and mile 3 a little short...)

Last 0.1: 0:35.

(passing some walkers finishing the 1 mile walk)

Total: 17:26
Pace: 5:37 / mile
Place: 1st out of 400+

I was hoping to finish in around 18 minutes, which would have been a 40 second PR. Instead, I took over a minute off my PR. And I remember my fastest 5K time in high-school was either 18:40-something or 17:40-something, so this is a TRUE PR! Sweet, I’m not a dingleberry!! (See previous post.)

A few minutes later, Jon came running through, with a new PR!!

As soon as Joel (Joe’s friend) finished, he came over and shook my hand and thanked me for coming out. Then, Jon and I cheered in the rest of the runners:

I went to say good-bye to Gary, and he set up one last photo. This photo is of (from left to right) Joel (Joe’s friend who wanted to have a race in his name), Joe’s Mom, me, Jeannie (who made this race happen), and Gary (president of Charities Challenge):

Well, you’ll have to excuse me now, but I have to stretch and get ready for a 10-miler. Marathon training awaits! And I’ll have more photos from today’s 5K shortly...

p.s. A big thanks to Steph for taking such great photos today! Thanks Steph!


MissAllycat 1:16 PM, March 30, 2008  

Holy crap! You rock!

You totally made that 5k your bitch. You bent it over and...well, I'm sure you know the rest of the details. ;)

Tri+Umph 1:25 PM, March 30, 2008  

Nice job Steve!

Our 5K stories are pretty similar. Last year I had a PR of 18:30 and was going into a race shooting for 18. Then I ran 17:25. Thats only whole second Steve. An entire 1000 milliseconds. The difference between success and being the first loser.

Not to rub it in or anything, ARCH NEMESIS!!

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 1:41 PM, March 30, 2008  


So obviously the shorty shorts work to your advantage.

I guess this means you're going to have to start shaving a lot higher up...

Dana 1:42 PM, March 30, 2008  

Steve you ARE wicked fast! Way to get your PR on.

21stCenturyMom 2:28 PM, March 30, 2008  

I think you know what kind of shorts are your friend now! No worries about the rest of us - it's all about YOU, baby!


ps - the extra length in the shorts doesn't really change the landscape that much.

Trisaratops 2:50 PM, March 30, 2008  





Awesome job!

Meg 3:07 PM, March 30, 2008  


Did someone get in front wearing jeans?

Stef0115 3:55 PM, March 30, 2008  

NICE JOB! Congratulations!

Spokane Al 5:33 PM, March 30, 2008  

Congratulations on a great win and a PR!

Now if you could just get some help in the clothing style department. But then again, maybe your apparel choices are for the best!

P.S. Glad to see that you beat runner #80 in the blue jeans.

Kate 5:37 PM, March 30, 2008  

Geez. Yikes. I feel like maybe you come find a happy medium between too short and too long! =0)

Congrats on a fast race, 1st place, and a PR. You are a stud!

SWTrigal 5:39 PM, March 30, 2008  

Hey-where can I get those shorts? Apparently they make you PR??

Kellye Mills 5:51 PM, March 30, 2008  

Wow! That's awesome! Great job!!

ShirleyPerly 5:54 PM, March 30, 2008  

Incredible!!! Congrats on your huge 5K PR. obviously, something is working for you whether the threat of the Dingleberry label, the short shorts, the speedwork or all 3. Kudos to the photographer.

xt4 6:42 PM, March 30, 2008  

LOL @ TST...

Holy crap you're fast dude. I think we should conspire and scooby doo everybody this year: You can do all of the run legs of my races. We'll just wear matching outfits so nobody's any wiser, except we'll wear stocking caps and sunglasses all the time so our faces are unclear. I'll even rock your tighty whities on the bike if it'll sweeten the deal.

Well done brotha -

IronMin 7:32 PM, March 30, 2008  

Damn dude - you are seriously wicked fast. Congrats on the win and PR. You are rockin' already this season!

Rainmaker 7:39 PM, March 30, 2008  

Dude, you not only talked the talk - but you walked the walk...err..ran the walk. Congrats on rockin it!

The Lazy Triathlete 7:47 PM, March 30, 2008  

Please don't wear those shorts again!! I thought I was pale!!!

Great job on the PR. You rocked that course.

Jessica 8:26 PM, March 30, 2008  

Wow! You're a rockstar!!

From basketball shorts to old school gym shorts - well, at least they allow for movement!

bigmike600 8:30 PM, March 30, 2008  

Whatever makes you run 17 min 5K runs are good. That is wicked fast dude. And I agree, you are thin and pasty..who cares, you're fast.

New nickname of superwhite lightning?

J~Mom 11:19 PM, March 30, 2008  

I think you can quit your day job now!

WOW!! Congrats!

Taconite Boy 6:17 AM, March 31, 2008  

The tribe's eyes are no longer covered...oh speedy one.

Marcy 6:33 AM, March 31, 2008  

DAAAYYUUMM son! You are one speedy speedster. And I was soooo looking forward to posting up a Steve with dingleberries all over his face pic :P CONGRATS ;D!

jahowie 8:02 AM, March 31, 2008  

Congrats on your victory!! You are fast as hell!! Reminder to self: Never Try To Run With Steve!!

the Dread Pirate Rackham 9:31 AM, March 31, 2008  

1) yellow is an interesting color choice. it's a rare soul who looks good in yellow. I, for one, look like doody in yellow. but you've made it look better with the black shorts underneath.

2) black socks is a big no-no, unless you're wearing sandals and a cardigan - so as to complete the fashion disaster look.

3) uh, isn't it still winter where you are? everybody's legs are all white right now. Quit yer bitchin'.

4) all of the above is negated because you can wear whatever the hell you want when you're winning, so pipe down shorts boy!

Collin Kromke 12:36 PM, March 31, 2008  

Nice job, Steve.

The guy in the jeans (#80) finished 15th overall with a time of 22:43. I think you should run in baggy jeans and the race day t-shirt next time and see if you can beat it!

monica 2:11 PM, March 31, 2008  

note: i thought #80 was wearing jeans too, but if you look at the picture where yoU're all taking off, you can see that they're much too clingy to be jeans. i'd say he was wearing a light blue pair of warm up style pants.

ok, but back to YOUR shorts. DOOOOOOD!!! nobody said go back to your shorts from high school!!! just get some standard running shorts.

whatever, it doesn't matter. you're lightnin' fast even in those bunhugger shorts from high school. shit i can't fit into anything i wore in high school. once again, I.HATE.YOU!!

congrats though. after that granny marathon, you're headed to boston for sheezy!!!

SM 3:14 PM, March 31, 2008  

You killed IT!!!! Awesome job!
We all knew you could do it!
Congrats on the PR and WIN!

Anonymous,  4:10 PM, March 31, 2008  

You never cease to amaze me with your PR's!! You're so fast, pretty soon your 5K time will be like down to 1:00!


Anonymous,  4:30 PM, March 31, 2008  

Congrats on the win, dude. Amazingly fast.

Not to burst your bubble but that course was not a full 5k. My Garmin showed 2.98 and others with the similar devices had 2.97 and 3.01. Also, a friend I ran with ran another 5k at the same location last year and, even though the start/finish lines were in the same spot, there was a loop around the little lake after the start that was not included in this time.

Unknown 5:23 PM, March 31, 2008  

Speedy Steve may be your new nickname.

I wonder if you went faster because of less weight from those short shorts?!?! ;p

E-Speed 8:07 PM, March 31, 2008  

Awesome job speedster!

But I think you can find a happy medium between the split shorts and the basketball shorts :)

teacherwoman 8:07 PM, March 31, 2008  

Nice job on your new 5K PR! And for such a great cause, how wonderful!

But, I did miss you at the LF Tri! Next time!

sRod 9:06 PM, March 31, 2008  

Whoa. Do you have to register your legs in your state?

Jennifer P 10:26 PM, March 31, 2008  

I was going to say something stupid and immature about shorty shorts and junk and then I saw your time. Man, you deserve some respect. Awesome.

TriShannon 10:28 PM, March 31, 2008  

Dang - you are one speedy, pasty, thin guy! :-)

Nice job. 1st place. Congratulations!

brendaj 10:55 PM, March 31, 2008  

You are the king of PRs...very inspiring!

Lance Notstrong 8:48 AM, April 01, 2008  

1st out of 400+, that's awesome!!!

Molly 9:33 AM, April 01, 2008  

Thanks for visiting me!
I now know what I need to do to get to the front of the pack! Congrats on a great race! Look for ward to keeping up with your future adventures!
Take Care

jen 11:05 AM, April 01, 2008  

Wow Steve! What a run! Congratulations on the first place finish and a big PR.

The shorts were pretty small. You and the guy in jeans made quite the pair in the start line pic. :)

triblog carol 1:13 PM, April 01, 2008  

Who the hell cares what your legs look like when you can run a 17 minute 5k? You rock!

Why not wear tri shorts for your running races? They come in long inseams. I prefer longer inseams for long distance runs and races to avoid the chaffing.

Anonymous,  2:55 PM, April 01, 2008  

My garmin hit 3.00 miles on the dot, which just rubbed it in further about me being out of shape :)

Wedgie 2:59 PM, April 01, 2008  

Well I STILL say the indoor Tri would have made for a more interesting blog entry, but since you did so freakin' awesome I'll let it go this time. Congrats!

Donald 4:25 PM, April 01, 2008  

Congrats on an awesome time! Don't let anybody tease you about your shorts unless they can keep up with you on the run.

Unknown 5:04 PM, April 01, 2008  

Way to go... you are amazingly fast! :)

Chad 8:40 PM, April 01, 2008  

Dude, that is super fast. The 5k was definitely the right decision.

Bill Carter 8:35 AM, April 02, 2008  

Hi Steve

Great 5k! I knew you were fast, but wow. I am going to try to do a 5k this summer to see what I can do.. I have never honestly done a 5k in my life. 17:25?? Congrats!

Nancy 10:10 AM, April 02, 2008  

Huh, so that's what it's like to lead the pack. I'm so glad you stayed and cheered in the slow people :D


Mendy 2:17 PM, April 02, 2008  

Man! You are one speedy feller. Great job on that! You kicked it out of the park! I was cracking up at the post though about the shorts and the picture with the brightness.

Always enjoy reading your blog.

CoachLiz 10:06 PM, April 02, 2008  

Total sweetness!!!

How in the hell can you be that fast??? Er, how in the hell can I be so slow is more like it.


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