Decisions

Deciding to CONTINUE training for Ironman was one of the hardest decisions of my life.

I had many reasons to quit training. The biggest ones were:

• The new home that had COUNTLESS projects to be starting, and the old home that needed to be fixed up to sell.

• The aching knee that would hamper my spirits day after day.

• The quick moving summer leading up to a fall filled with 4 classes to teach.

• My bad knee.

• My sore knee.

• My knee that 6 months ago would only let me run 2 miles before being in horrible pain. No joke.

I only had one reason to not quit training. Among all of the other little reasons to quit, there was really only one to keep me going. It’s everyones reason. It’s a tormenting question:

• If I put in the time...if I did all training...could I finish Ironman? Me? Could I do this? Would my body hold up?

I keep running through different numbers in my head. Some tell me “you’re set,” while others are nagging me:
“You should have trained more.”
“Your knee held you back too much.”
“You still have too much body hair to be a legitimate triathlete.”

Here are the numbers from the last 6 months:
• 80,558 meters swam (50 miles), 4,100 meters was the longest
• 1,228 miles biked, 107 miles was the longest
• 260 miles ran, 13.1 miles was the longest (damn knee)
• 56 weight training sessions

Since I’m laying it all out there, here’s one last number: 13. I hope to break 13 hours during Ironman. That’s my goal - that would be a great day.

The problem is that I don’t want to be defined by these numbers. Or on my finish or DNF at Ironman. This is PART of me. Lately, I’ve been feeling like all of this is DEFINING me, and it’s getting to be a lot of pressure. The past year of my life, I’ve been an “Ironman-in-training.” Now it’s time to prove it. It’s time to drive out to WI, kick my ass for 13-17 hours, and drop those last 2 words from that phrase.

At the end of my day on Sept 9, my actions will not be based on my decisions. If I’m able to make it near the finish line, I know I won’t be in control. I have no idea how I will react. Will I be all smiles, holding back laughter? Will I be tired and pissy, just ready to get it over with? Will I be tearing up, ready to break down as soon as I break the tape?

My next big decision is to simply climb into Lake Monona. That’s it. “Steve, it’s time. Get in the water.” I think I’ll get a little emotional. At that moment, I’ll know that my training has brought me safely and strongly to the starting line of Ironman. Three months ago, I didn’t know if I would be making it to that point. I’m getting a little teary right now thinking about it and how I nearly gave up on this. I’ll be at the starting line, but will I be able to see the finish?

The only thing left after that is to wait for the cannon. When I’m in the water with those 2,500 other people and that BOOM rings out, I’ll have to make my next decision...

...to...

...GO.