Help Me Name My Bike!!

So I was talking to Pharmie a few weeks ago, and we were discussing my nameless tri bike. We were trying to figure out an appropriate name (it’s been all the rage in the blog world lately). She asked me what sex it was. I told her that my bike seems to be female - I’ve always thought her to be a woman. Then she asked what feminine or masculine characteristics it has. Here’s where the debate got interesting.

I’ve never had any problems with my bike. She shifts well, she breaks well, and she hasn’t even had a SINGLE flat! I put over 1,200 miles on her last year (including 4 events) without one issue. She’s solid. She’s not moody. She’s strong and a little on the heavy side. She doesn’t put up with crap or beat around the bush. She doesn’t have expensive taste (I mean, just look at those cheap-ass areo-bars and factory wheels). She’s no typical woman. She has many masculine characteristics. So talking with Pharmie, I had this realization:

“Ya know, I think my bike is a lesbian.”

There, I’ve said it. My bike has an alternative lifestyle. I think her parents put too much pressure on her as a little tricycle, and when she grew up and went off to college, she discovered herself. It was a glorious day!! My bike was no longer living a lie!!

(I’m not trying to be insensitive to the homosexual community. I live and work in the Arts, and I have gay and lesbian friends. As usual, this is all in good fun. No harm intended.)

To make a long story short: My bike has the soul of a 40-something, 220-pound, hairy, plaid-wearing lesbian lumberjack (most likely with a mullet). Can you offer any name suggestions to go along with that description?? The person who comes up with the final name that I choose gets a prize*. Seriously. Please help!


* Prize TBA. It may or may not suck. No promises.