Swimming Etiquette: Blog Poem #2

Note: My first posted poem was so popular, I thought I’d try it again. Enjoy.


There’s one thing I don’t understand,
and there are some people that need a reprimand.

When I go to the pool at my local gym,
all I want to do is go for a quick swim.

I hop in the pool and what do I see?
Twenty old ladies looking back at me.

Now, that’s not a problem, I don’t discriminate.
But sometimes they make me so mad, I could amputate.

The rule is simple: Shower before entering the pool.
If they can’t understand that, they should go back to middle school.

I don’t want to sound mean, I don’t mind them being there.
But my biggest issue has to do with what’s in their hair.

If you don’t shower before entering the pool,
all of the crud on your hair filters into the water, you fool!

Every time one of them gets near,
I feel an invasion to my atmosphere.

These women have too much crud in their hair, I bet.
It’s like before coming to the pool, they’ve emptied 3 cans of Aqua Net.

Hair spray, hair spray, HAIR SPRAY!
With that much crap in their hair, I’m surprised their heads don’t decay!

It’s assault on my lungs when I’m gasping for air.
Breathing suddenly turns into a horrible nightmare.

All these old, fat people floating around on their Noodle
stinking up the place - the whole kit-and-caboodle.

Not only that, but when I get near the deep end,
I see those large clumps of hair that slowly ascend.

I fear those clumps - it's like they’re after my soul.
They scare me so much, I nearly lose bowel control.

If you’ve swam laps before, then you know what I mean.
All of this makes me so upset, I could go drive into a ravine.

So if you want to come to my pool and hop in the water,
please shower before entering, or I may be inclined to slaughter (you).