Lance's Failed Beer Mile

EVERYONE has been sending me these links. It's like people think I've done something like this before. So now I just had to share.

Runner's World reported last week that Lance Armstrong dropped out of his first beer mile. There was video of the event, but it since has been taken down. Lance started the race with a beer, ran a lap, grabbed his 2nd beer, and then dropped out. He said "That was not what I expected." He's right - you don't have any idea how something like this will feel until you're stuck in the middle of it. And it doesn't feel pretty.

There was an article about this on Men's Journal too, and they took it a step further by interviewing elite athletes who have done beer miles. Here's what 3 speedy people had to say:

Nick Symmonds
800-meter Olympian and World Championships silver medalist.
Beer Mile PR: 5:19.

"It’s unlike any pain I’ve ever felt as a pro athlete. You’re constantly fighting nausea and the gag reflex. Your whole stomach is just one giant cramp. Your trying to breathe, chug, burp, and run all at the same time. It’s super hard, but I’ve never puked."


Chris Kimbrough
Multi-time masters national champion. Women’s beer mile world record holder.
Beer Mile PR: 6:28

"The carbonation builds up and feels like a shelf sitting in your diaphragm. You want to keep drinking, but it’s just not going down. The key is burping. I was able to burp while running. And I was still burping well after I finished. My biggest concern was my bladder. That’s a lot of liquid."


Patrick Hitchens
Elite beer mile runner [that's a thing?!?] sponsored by Fitrankings.com.
Beer Mile PR: 6:08

"I went from totally sober to shitfaced in two seconds. It was like zero to one hundred. I puked a few minutes after finishing. I had a slice of margherita pizza about two hours before the race, and this is the first beer mile I didn’t feel like puking while running. I think that’s the ticket, having something bready in your belly to help absorb the alcohol."

4 thoughts regarding these quotes:

• I 100% agree with everything Nick says.
• And I agree with Chris' points about the "shelf" and burping - it helps a TON if you can get it out.
• Patrick and I share similar sentiments about feeling the effects QUICKLY. I'm not much of a drinker, so it usually takes me about 10-20 minutes post-race before I'm in the bag.
• "Elite beer mile runner" is a thing? I've raced a handful of people that have posted a better time than him, so I'm still feeling pretty good about finishing 3rd last month.

From my bee... er... my "kitten mile" last month.  ⇐ Click the link for
more horrible awesome photos like this one.

In yet another article, he said he wasn't going to try this again. "One and done" Armstrong said.

Well, now I can say I have as many Tour de France victories as Lance Armstrong, AND that I can out race him in a beer mile. It's a good day to be me.