Commencing Sunday: “Operation FML”

Sunday is the Gear West Duathlon, and Matt (my brother-in-law) and I are teaming up as “Team Happy Pants” once again. We’ve taken 2nd place the last 2 years, and we’re hoping for better this year. Although, if the competition at the Oakdale Duathlon was any indication, we’re not holding our breath.

Us at the Gear West Duathlon last year

I haven’t talked to Matt about this, but I have all the “normal” goals for our race:

1. Turn out some hard splits that we can be proud of.
2. Improve our overall time from last year.
3. Win if we can.

But I have a 4th goal for the race on Sunday too. The 4th goal is “Operation FML,” or “Operation ‘Find Matt a Lover.’”

Yes, yes... I know “FML” stands for something else, and that’s the thing Matt’s probably thinking right now. Well, THAT mixed with some homicidal rage towards me. (I did not get his permission to do this!)*

Matt’s a great guy. He had a long-term girlfriend through most of his college days, and they broke up shortly after they graduated. So he hasn’t had time to “play the field.” And I don’t mean that in a pervy way - I just mean that he hasn’t dated a lot of people.

I’m not a matchmaker. I actually quite HATE setting people up. It’s none of my business. But at the Oakdale Duahtlon last week, Matt and I were noticing cute, athletic women, and we knew SOME of them HAD to be single:

OK, one of those people MIGHT be a 12 year old boy. I never claimed to be good at matchmaking.

So here’s what I want to happen on Sunday at the Gear West Duathlon: I want Matt to be able to get at least 3 phone numbers. So are you local? Do you know a sporty, single, 20-something woman? Have her come to the Gear West Duathlon on Sunday and look for Matt or I. Have her hand us her number. If I were to give my number to Matt, it might look something like this:

(Not my actual number. But part of my number does spell “cats.”)

Matt’s nearly 25, and he’s a mechanical engineer. He was farm-raised, and knows more about engines than I ever will. (He’s fixed or diagnosed problems with Pharmie’s car and my car half a dozen times.) He’s a former college football player, but not one of those jerks that always talks about how good he was. He’s done a few years of duathlons, and enjoys biking and running. He’s training for his 2nd half marathon.** He likes to travel and ski. He loves meat and beer. He’s a man’s man. He enjoys a warm bodied woman on a cold morning.*** He’s the kind of guy you just describe as “a good person.”

There’s nothing “wrong” with Matt. Although he does swear a fair amount. And I guess his family is known for being a little gassy at times....

Anyway, if Matt gets 0 phone numbers, I’ll feel kinda bad. If he gets at least one, I’ll really enjoy myself! And if he gets more than 3, I might be a little jealous!!

You see Matt on my blog now and then, but if you need a refresher, here’s what he looks like:

Medaling in his first duathlon 2 years ago


Cheering at the TC Marathon as a cow


With his aunt at an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” party


Working hard just before the finishline of the Cannon Falls Du


The best photo of Matt and I (my ass, Matt’s feet) jumping off his aunt's boat

(There’s that one photo from around Christmas time that I am NOT reposting! You’ll have to go find that one yourself if you’re interested!)

So send all single and sporty women to the Gear West Duathlon, and have them hunt down Matt and give him their number! I’ll make sure to post if Matt got any numbers as soon as we get home from the race on Sunday afternoon! So check back to see if “Operation FML” was a success!! (That is, if Matt even wants to race with me after seeing this post. “Team Happy Pants” might only have one surviving member come Sunday... [gulp])

* It’s true. Matt did not ask me to do this, and he actually probably doesn’t approve of me doing this. But he’ll play along. (I hope.)
** I THINK he’s training for his 2nd half marathon. But maybe he’s done 6. I dunno. I’m a dude. If I know too much about another dude, that’s a problem.
*** I haven’t confirmed this with him, but what guy DOESN’T like a warm bodied woman on a cold morning?