Less of a Man, More of a Triathlete

This photo should probably carry some sort of warning, but what the heck. Here it is:

Yes, that’s me with a half smooth / half hairy chest.

Yes, that’s a ring of hair still around my nipple. The hair remover said to stay away from your nipples and anus. Not a problem.

YES, I DID shave that hairy ring off.

It takes some people 2 photos to show a “before and after.” Not me. There it was, all in one photo. Before / After.

On Friday night, I took care of my chest, shoulders, and little patches on my back. I used “Hansen’s for Men Hair Removal Lotion” that I got at Target. It said it was “Extra Strength.” I didn’t know if that was a good thing, or if that just meant that it would burn all my skin off. It worked quite well. My skin stayed intact, my man-sweater did not.

On Saturday, I finished with the rest of my body. First, I shaved my arms with an electric razor:

Then I shaved my legs with the same electric razor:

Then I touched it all up with shaving cream and a razor:

That last photo is the one that will make my Dad disown me. Sorry Dad.

I’m not sure what comparisons to make. Here are my choices:

A. Robin Williams came over, showered off, and didn’t “clean up” after himself.

B. 140 cats broke into our house, licked themselves all over, and hacked up hairballs all over our bathroom.

C. A Wookie had an abortion in my bathtub.

I’m leaning towards C. Yep, defiantly C.

I didn’t remove EVERYTHING. I had to hang on to a little of my dignity. So I’m left with... how can I put this... I... I’m still wearing a “Sasquatch Speedo.” I think that about sums it up. When all was said and done, I looked like this the next day at the Chisago Lakes Half IM:

It’s a strange feeling. I can really feel the shirt that I’m wearing. I mean, really FEEL it. I’ve never had any shirt feel so close to me. I think I’ll keep this “lifestyle” up through Ironman, and then I start growing my furry winter coat out again.

My official results:
• Chest, shoulders, and back hair removal (cream) - 40:00
• Arm and leg hair removal (electric) - 15:00
• Arm and leg final shave (razor) - 15:00
• Clean up time - 5:00
• Total - 1:15:00


(Note: I blatantly stole the title for this post from Mr. P. I knew exactly what that title meant when I read it on his blog 3 months ago. I had to use it and give him credit. Also, he posted this slightly inappropriate clip from the Family Guy about Stewie shaving his body. It’s funny, but it’s a little raunchy. You have been warned.)