Commencing Sunday: “Operation FML”

>> Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sunday is the Gear West Duathlon, and Matt (my brother-in-law) and I are teaming up as “Team Happy Pants” once again. We’ve taken 2nd place the last 2 years, and we’re hoping for better this year. Although, if the competition at the Oakdale Duathlon was any indication, we’re not holding our breath.

Us at the Gear West Duathlon last year

I haven’t talked to Matt about this, but I have all the “normal” goals for our race:

1. Turn out some hard splits that we can be proud of.
2. Improve our overall time from last year.
3. Win if we can.

But I have a 4th goal for the race on Sunday too. The 4th goal is “Operation FML,” or “Operation ‘Find Matt a Lover.’”

Yes, yes... I know “FML” stands for something else, and that’s the thing Matt’s probably thinking right now. Well, THAT mixed with some homicidal rage towards me. (I did not get his permission to do this!)*

Matt’s a great guy. He had a long-term girlfriend through most of his college days, and they broke up shortly after they graduated. So he hasn’t had time to “play the field.” And I don’t mean that in a pervy way - I just mean that he hasn’t dated a lot of people.

I’m not a matchmaker. I actually quite HATE setting people up. It’s none of my business. But at the Oakdale Duahtlon last week, Matt and I were noticing cute, athletic women, and we knew SOME of them HAD to be single:

OK, one of those people MIGHT be a 12 year old boy. I never claimed to be good at matchmaking.

So here’s what I want to happen on Sunday at the Gear West Duathlon: I want Matt to be able to get at least 3 phone numbers. So are you local? Do you know a sporty, single, 20-something woman? Have her come to the Gear West Duathlon on Sunday and look for Matt or I. Have her hand us her number. If I were to give my number to Matt, it might look something like this:

(Not my actual number. But part of my number does spell “cats.”)

Matt’s nearly 25, and he’s a mechanical engineer. He was farm-raised, and knows more about engines than I ever will. (He’s fixed or diagnosed problems with Pharmie’s car and my car half a dozen times.) He’s a former college football player, but not one of those jerks that always talks about how good he was. He’s done a few years of duathlons, and enjoys biking and running. He’s training for his 2nd half marathon.** He likes to travel and ski. He loves meat and beer. He’s a man’s man. He enjoys a warm bodied woman on a cold morning.*** He’s the kind of guy you just describe as “a good person.”

There’s nothing “wrong” with Matt. Although he does swear a fair amount. And I guess his family is known for being a little gassy at times....

Anyway, if Matt gets 0 phone numbers, I’ll feel kinda bad. If he gets at least one, I’ll really enjoy myself! And if he gets more than 3, I might be a little jealous!!

You see Matt on my blog now and then, but if you need a refresher, here’s what he looks like:

Medaling in his first duathlon 2 years ago

Cheering at the TC Marathon as a cow

With his aunt at an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” party

Working hard just before the finishline of the Cannon Falls Du

The best photo of Matt and I (my ass, Matt’s feet) jumping off his aunt's boat

(There’s that one photo from around Christmas time that I am NOT reposting! You’ll have to go find that one yourself if you’re interested!)

So send all single and sporty women to the Gear West Duathlon, and have them hunt down Matt and give him their number! I’ll make sure to post if Matt got any numbers as soon as we get home from the race on Sunday afternoon! So check back to see if “Operation FML” was a success!! (That is, if Matt even wants to race with me after seeing this post. “Team Happy Pants” might only have one surviving member come Sunday... [gulp])

* It’s true. Matt did not ask me to do this, and he actually probably doesn’t approve of me doing this. But he’ll play along. (I hope.)
** I THINK he’s training for his 2nd half marathon. But maybe he’s done 6. I dunno. I’m a dude. If I know too much about another dude, that’s a problem.
*** I haven’t confirmed this with him, but what guy DOESN’T like a warm bodied woman on a cold morning?


MissAllycat 8:38 AM, May 20, 2010  

Pounce on this, ladies!! This one's a snacky treat! :)

Xenia 8:43 AM, May 20, 2010  

Holy shit, Matt's going to kill you!

Having said that, he's going to get A LOT of numbers on race day. :)

Mel-2nd Chances 9:04 AM, May 20, 2010  

This is awesome!! Adding the pic of the boy was funny too :)

Sun Runner 9:14 AM, May 20, 2010  

You just had to post the pictures of him on the verge of barfing... :)

I live in Michigan, so I'm totally out, but if I DID live nearby I'd be on that like a duck on a june bug.

Anonymous,  9:20 AM, May 20, 2010  

I think at Gear West is going to get a lot of last minute entries and some extra spectators this year ;)

BTW- I love how you described him as "farm raised" makes him sound like a catfish. LOL!

Too bad I'm out of his age range :(

Kat 9:35 AM, May 20, 2010  

I love this post! Awesome idea! If you're racing together where the best combined time wins, you should put something on your shirt to advertise him as single and awesome. If you're doing separate legs, can you hold a sign or maybe even bike behind him to recruit some lovely ladies? The blog is a good start, but I'm sure your readers can think of additional recruitment methods.

Not sure how big the race is, but I'm going to guess he gets 4 phone numbers. Real ones, too. And probably cool dates with awesome people. He'll hate you temporarily and thank you later. Can't wait to hear how it goes!

ShirleyPerly 10:02 AM, May 20, 2010  

He sounds like a good catch. I hope the operation works!

Sue,  11:04 AM, May 20, 2010  

omg if only I didn't live in WV. and was married.

seriously, Matt seems to be an awesome guy - this is a great idea. can't wait to hear how it turns out!

Tara 11:04 AM, May 20, 2010  

OMG I am cracking up right now! This is freaking hilarious and possibly the BEST "singles ad" that has ever existed! I always joke with my friends about meeting a guy at a race, but heck I've been going about it all wrong! If I were closer I would totally slip Matt my digits ;)

Ryan 11:06 AM, May 20, 2010  

That's the best idea I've read in a while! AND, since Steve posted it FOR Matt... Matt doesn't look desperate... SHEAR GENIUS! I sit in awe...

libgyrl 11:20 AM, May 20, 2010  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim 11:22 AM, May 20, 2010  

GENIUS steve, absolute GENIUS.

how does matt not read your blog?

you guys should travel and race in states where your girl commenters live. give matt the experience of having girls in different area codes! HA! :)

Dwayne 12:29 PM, May 20, 2010  

LOL! I don't know either of you, but I would love to be there whe he pummels you for writing this. Great post.

X-Country2 1:03 PM, May 20, 2010  

Awww, if I wasn't already married to my own Matt (and 7 months pregnant with his twins), I'd play along. Good luck this weekend!

Amy 1:20 PM, May 20, 2010  

If I was single I would totally be in. I think you forgot to post the picture of Matt sweating into your basement floor drain. That's really sexy.

Anonymous,  2:38 PM, May 20, 2010  

Always enjoy the Matt posts but I'm also married and older. Good luck this weekend! Who doesn't like a farm raised guy.

SheRa,  3:24 PM, May 20, 2010  

He's single? OMG, that boy is fine...I lust after him like bacon...mmmmmm bacon.....mmmmmmm Matt..... Any chance of some more pictures? ;0)

T 5:16 PM, May 20, 2010  

for those curious about that christmas photo ...


five tomatoes 5:54 PM, May 20, 2010  

If I was single and still in the Cities, I'd snap that up!

Badgergirl 8:36 PM, May 20, 2010  

If only I didn't live in Wisconsin. I'd hand over my number in a heartbeat! Great idea Steve!

Melanie,  8:40 PM, May 20, 2010  

I have always thought he was cute! Too bad I live in CO or I would totally give him my number! I think you are a great bro-in-law for doing this, it's really sweet.

Regina 9:49 PM, May 20, 2010  

If I were 20 years younger, single and lived in a 500 mile radius, then I'd be a taker ;P

CoachLiz 6:42 AM, May 21, 2010  

Crack me up! I cannot wait for the update to see how many numbers Matt got.

Good Luck with the Du this weekend!

Julie (ROJ) 8:49 AM, May 21, 2010  

Sadly like so many others, I'm out of the running do to distance....all the way over here in Ohio! But good luck and have fun at the race regardless

Adam 10:01 AM, May 21, 2010  

"OK, one of those people MIGHT be a 12 year old boy"


was he in FFA too like you and big sis? Hey, you can't go wrong with farm raised.

Kris 10:11 AM, May 21, 2010  

I'm nearly 25, single, have just done my first HM and have done a bunch of sprint tris. Now if only I wasn't in Australia..

Mr. P 11:42 AM, May 21, 2010  

Steve, you're a hoot!

Puisan 11:44 AM, May 21, 2010  

Way cool for advertising personal ads!!!
I'd chip in my number...if only I didn't live on the other side of the planet!!! :)

Matt Ellenberger 3:25 PM, May 21, 2010  

Love this. I'm going to try something like that this weekend. Seems like a solid plan. Good luck Matt!

John 6:21 PM, May 21, 2010  

Maybe you could lend the yellow shorts to Matt. That should increase his chick magnet status.

Good luck to team happy pants!

Jim Smith II 7:36 AM, May 22, 2010  

John beat me to it, but I was going to suggest the same thing. Let Matt wear the Bowl Full of Sunshine...

Good luck on Sunday boys!

Rebecca 6:23 PM, May 23, 2010  

My "solution" last year was to write in sidewalk chalk next to my spot in the transition area: "She Swims/She Rides/She Runs/She's Single/#9" with an arrow pointing at my bike... (I'll probably end up doing this again whenever I can this year as well as it's become necessary once more...) Fair warning, it only got a couple of 18 year old guys going "heh heh heh, go number nine!" But you guys might have better luck! I remain optimistic as to it's usefulness this year!

I would post pictures, but it won't let me =-(

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comments! Have a great day!


Follow steveinaspeedo on Twitter

Facebook Fan Page

All content and original images copyright 2006 - 2016 by Steve Stenzel, AKA "Steve in a Speedo." All Rights Reserved.
Want to use something seen here? Just ask - I don't bite.