Two Important Things

>> Thursday, April 10, 2008

First, a big THANK YOU to everyone who voted for my video!! I finished solidly in second place, which I tend to do in online voting competitions (note the silver ribbon on the right side bar).

But I’m not going home empty handed. The winner gets a years supply of Drymax socks, and I’m going to get a half a years supply for coming in second! Don’t ask – I don’t know what a “half a years supply of socks” is either...

Anyway, thanks for all your votes, blogger buddies!

Secondly, I’ve been thinking about the Doughnut Run 5K this weekend (a 5K with 8 “doughnut stops” where you can stop and eat donuts – each donut consumed on the run subtracts time from your overall finish time). I’m TOTALLY doing the run, but I’m wondering how good of an idea it is. Case in point, the following is a poem that I posted nearly 2 years ago. It was my 11th post on my “new” blog. It shows how food and running don’t always mix. Some of you have read this, but many of you haven’t. Enjoy:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The following poem is a true story,
and I apologize if it gets a little gory.

I was happily into my 6.2 mile run.
I was having a good time; it was fast and it was fun.

At about mile 3, my stomach gave a twitch.
I shrugged it off; it was just a minor glitch.

Before mile 4, the little pain was back.
“Is this going to be a problem?” I thought as I clenched my crack.

The pain kept getting much worse,
And I was afraid that I was going to burst.

A few blocks from home, I started flipping through my keys.
I needed to get into the house fast and with great ease.

I picked up the pace; I was running with all I got!
It was either get home now, or duck into the bushes and cop a squat!

I was running so fast that I actually wheezed.
I didn’t think I was going to make it; my butt cheeks were squeezed!

Two blocks from home, my stomach really began to hurt.
And down my leg, I nearly felt a little squirt.

I got to the house just in the nick of time.
What I was about to do could probably be considered a crime.

Sprinting to the bathroom, I almost dropped to a knee.
I shouted to Sarah as I slammed the bathroom door, “Don’t stop loving me!!”

I had made it in time! I had made my goal!
And I concentrated hard as not to look down into the bowl. (gross)

It was a sad, sad sight: I had horrendous squirts!
It felt like the cast of Sesame Street was parading out of my ass, complete with Ernies and Berts.

What happened in there I can only describe as a gush.
It was such an incident that it called for a courtesy flush.

Had Sarah heard what just happened in the bathroom?
If she had, she is now reconsidering ever taking me as her groom!

But her love is unconditional, like the love a child has for her doll;
Outside the bathroom door sat a brand new bottle of Pepto Bismol.

The significance of this story holds true, whether near or far;
The moral being, “Ten minutes before a fast run, DO NOT eat a Klondike Bar!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

By the way, that poem is completely true. I DID shout "Don't stop loving me!" as I ran into the house, and Sarah DID have a bottle of Pepto waiting for me outside the bathroom when I was done. Oh jeez, what have I gotten myself into this weekend? Check back late Sunday or Monday to see how I handled the Doughnut Run. It might not be pretty...


Jeff 8:47 AM, April 10, 2008  

Steve -- long time lurker, first time poster.

Glad to have voted for you for second place. Can't wait to hear what they think 6 months of socks are.

I'm sure the donut run will be great. After all, it's just 5k, not like your 10k poem. (Eeeew!) Looking forward to the donut report.

Borsch 8:49 AM, April 10, 2008  

Lol....that was a great poem/story. I think we've all been there.

I honestly wasn't going to say it but that is another reason why I was going to treat Sunday as a two mile tempo (or three)and just bust through most of the course before i start chowing down doughnuts.

So, with that story in mind....who's driving. :-)

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 9:00 AM, April 10, 2008  

Blame it on the dairy in the Klondike? :-) And for the cautious types, there are tons of doughnuts at the finish as well (but that defeats the point :-)). A couple of pointers - you can only eat 2 at the last stop (to keep people from running the whole thing then gorging). Also, the really savvy people take their doughnuts, dip them into their water cups to rinse off the glaze, then eat them. Apparently this minimizes doughnut eating time and makes it less sickly sweet to eat so many. I personally think it is sacrilege to rinse the glaze off a Krispy Kreme :-) Also, most of the run is on a path alongside the woods, so if it gets really bad...

Marcy 9:08 AM, April 10, 2008  

Wow, you have such a way with words :P

Molly 9:30 AM, April 10, 2008  

Thanks for an early morning laugh!
I am sure you will be fine for three miles...right?
Take Care

Topher 9:55 AM, April 10, 2008  

Me, too, long time reader/lurker. I'm excited to hear your race report. Several people have told me about that run, I suppose it's because my blog is titled "I'll Run for Donuts". It's not too far from Kansas City where I live, but until they offer me an all-expense paid trip/entry because of what my star power would do for their race, I'll settle for stopping for a donut after my long runs. Good luck, not that a runner like you needs it.

Tracy 10:21 AM, April 10, 2008  

Tee hee ;)

And I think a 6-month supply is basically just half of what the first place winner gets. Translation: A whole bunch of socks :)

Tri+Umph 10:28 AM, April 10, 2008  

This summer I had a few runs like those. It was an absolute miracle I never sharted myself, there were a LOT of close calls.

By the way, you tell those people at drymax that you don't believe in doing laundry; that should get you a few pairs of socks!

Anonymous,  10:45 AM, April 10, 2008  

I'm thinking donuts would settle more easily than ice cream...

funny poem!

Ryan 11:03 AM, April 10, 2008  

That story makes me hungry for enchiladas.

Don't know why, but . . . .

Anonymous,  12:10 PM, April 10, 2008  

really funny...i seldom laugh out loud at internet stuff, but you made it happen... :)

Dan Seifring aka "OBRATS" 12:16 PM, April 10, 2008  

Glad I could help get you to 2nd place. You did have a great video. Enjoy the socks. I may have to buy some after your video.

Brian 12:33 PM, April 10, 2008  

As I read this during my meeting, people keep looking at me wondering what is so funny. Hilarious. I'm going to forward that one around as many people have 'issues' if they've been running long enough.

Laurie 12:39 PM, April 10, 2008  

Thanks for the warning to not stand between you and the port-a-potties at the finish.

Wedgie 4:29 PM, April 10, 2008  

First place gets all the socks. Second place only gets the left-foot socks.

As far as the Donut Run, you know where I stand: It's all about the blog story afterwards! You owe your loyal readers that much.

Sunshine 4:30 PM, April 10, 2008  

Thanks for stopping by. All of us here were interested in discovering you.

When IT happened to me last month, never occurred to me to write a poem. Wow!!! Well done.

Looking forward to reading more of your entries.

CoachLiz 4:54 PM, April 10, 2008  


Was the toilet you were soaking your DryMax socks in the same toilet from the poem??!!??


J~Mom 5:37 PM, April 10, 2008  

That is sooo funny...or not's good stuff!!

Congrats on your win, please take a pic so we know what that many socks look like!

Caroline Houdek 5:42 PM, April 10, 2008  

I can't believe your video didn't win. Yours was so much more genuine and had the crazy Steve twist!

Unknown 6:11 PM, April 10, 2008  

Funny stuff. Maybe you should back off on the donuts...or maybe finish then go for a victory lap...lapping up donuts along the way!

Jeff 6:38 PM, April 10, 2008  

Congratulations co-winner! We'll have to compare notes on the difference between a years worth and a 1/2 years worth of socks. I have to give most of my credit to my sister for picking my video song - I think that's what put me over the top.

Mendy 8:37 PM, April 10, 2008  

I voted for you the other day! Glad you got 2nd, although wished you'd gotten first.

They're is a KK doughnut run in NC every year too, and I think you have to eat a dozen before returning, and not barf. I even saw a video of it online, and it showed someone barfing up doughnuts.. ughhh....

Congrats again on that 5K finish!!!

Rainmaker 9:52 PM, April 10, 2008  

Let's be clear here. If ya go to a doughnut run (which btw, you drove 3 hours to), and you DON'T complete the mission of eating doughnuts on the run - then that's like...well, I'm not sure what it's like. It's un-Steve like. :)

jeanne 6:06 AM, April 11, 2008  

My stomach hurts from just reading that.
cuz i've been where you were and i did. not. make. it. back.

half a year's supply of socks?
For me that would be ONE PAIR. Will make you fast as a fox.

RunBubbaRun 9:57 AM, April 11, 2008  

Congrats on winning some socks, now you can put a toilet-free pair on..

A dounut 5k, now that would be fun, look at all the time you would shave down on that..

Nitmos 12:56 PM, April 11, 2008  

Uh, you should have won first prize for the poem alone.

Supalinds 2:05 PM, April 11, 2008  

OMG, that poem is too damn funny. Although probably not funny at the time. Glad you made it to the bathroom :) Could have been worse, but not much!

brendaj 5:49 PM, April 11, 2008  

Hmm, at least you know what you're getting into. One time I ate a bunch of pancakes before a long bike ride and I ended up getting a big stomachache.

Mel 8:09 PM, April 11, 2008  

How FUN will that race would be...I would totally do it, if we had one...but I would mainly be doing to eat the donuts ;) RUN...EAT and PUKE what a great day :) Have FUN!!!!!

duchossois 12:00 PM, April 12, 2008  

First time I've read your blog Steve, and I'll be returning. Funny poem. Funnier socks video (you should have won.) You are wacky, for a Minnesotan.
Thanks for your encouraging comment on my blog. I will run Boston, despite the knee problems.

triguyjt 7:42 PM, April 12, 2008  

never mess with someone with
g.i. distress

the donuts may be yummy
but don't forget to check your tummy.

good luck.

by the way. you totally should have won the socks video competition....

you got hosed.

Kellye Mills 8:37 PM, April 12, 2008  

Well... I'm sorry you didn't come in first. You had a big lead when I voted! But half a year is better than nothing!

And your poem.... HILARIOUS!! Good luck at your Donut Run!

Dana 12:05 PM, April 13, 2008  

Such a classic,Steve! No porta-potties on a 5k so you better run like you stole something..:-)

Triteacher 1:45 PM, April 13, 2008  

I remember this poem from its first run (runs??) - thanks for re-posting; it was just as funny this time! Good luck at the donut run!

P.O.M. 5:41 PM, April 13, 2008  

I am soooo glad you reposted that becuase I missed it the first time. And that literally made me LOL!

Kickstand Pam 2:25 PM, April 14, 2008  

Uh! Can't believe you didn't get all the socks - at least there's some justice - half year supply is good. Enjoy em - you definitely earned them after putting your first pair in the toilet. :)

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