PSA: How To Rid Your Body Of Hair

>> Friday, February 15, 2008

I won’t lie: I was scared the first time. I didn’t know what to expect. And the hair removal cream had a warning on it telling me to keep it away from my nipples.


Let me make this clear: I do NOT know everything regarding hair removal. But I will share what I can and hopefully you (or your hairy loved one) can make the transition from “hairy, slow beast” to “smooth, aerodynamic, speedy athlete.”

Lesson 1: Method

Pharmie wanted me to wax. I’ve seen “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” and that kinda turned me off to waxing (just a little). So, admittedly, that’s something I don’t know anything about. In my case, I figured I’d shave my legs, shave my arms, and use a cream on my chest.

The first time I used “Hansen for Men: Hair Removal Lotion,” and the second time I used “Nair for Men.”

Both worked fine. Neither of them burned my skin or did anything strange. They both smelled fine (Hansen might smell a little better) and both did the trick. Hansen came with a bladeless razor, and Nair did not. But that wasn’t a real issue. I would say they are pretty equal products, but I might prefer Nair just because the Hansen tube was hard to get everything out of, whereas Nair comes out of the can easily like shaving cream. I tested Hansen on a tiny spot on my chest a day before using it all over, just to make sure it wasn’t going to make my skin burn off or break out.

I wanted to try a cream because it wasn’t as painful as waxing, but it would go a little “deeper” than just shaving. I’m glad I used the cream. Waxing may have lasted a little longer, but, I admit, I’m scared to try.

Lesson 2: Attack That Hair

I like “dramatic effect.” Therefore, when I spread the cream on my chest for the first time, I only spread it on half of my chest. Dramatic effect. I waited the proper 5 to 10 minutes, and then used the bladeless razor to scrape it all off. Here’s the dramatic result of half hairy / half hairless:

Notice the ring of hair around my nipple because
I didn’t want to burn off those fellas

I finished the other side of my chest, and all was well.

The second time I removed my chest hair, I tried “Nair for Men.” Like I mentioned before, it did not have a bladeless razor. Nair recommended using a bath towel to wipe it off. But that would have been nasty. So I lathered up and wiped it off with paper towels. (Many of my “regulars” will remember this from around Christmas time.) I started by removing a heart:

The heart came clean easily, and then I lathered up the rest of the chest:

After the scary use of the magical cream, I took a razor CAREFULLY around my nip-nips. Then I worked on the rest of my body hair. I used an electric clipper on my arms and legs.

Shaved arm hair in the sink

Shaved leg hair in the tub

Then I shaved my arms and legs. It was weird the first time:

Lesson 3: Clean Up

When I got down wiping off that body hair, I had paper towels strewn all over the bathroom with creamy body hair all over it:

If you go with cream and wipe off some body hair, there WILL be a mess in your bathroom. Clean that junk up. If you have pets, make sure to take out the trash, or your furry family members (I’m talking about your pets - remember YOU just took care of your hair and are no longer furry) will get into the hairy, creamy mess. Also, wash your bath towel right away. Any rogue cream could discolor your towel or get spread around the bathroom before you know it.

Lesson 4: Reap the Benefits

At least one of three things will happen once you go “hair-free:”

1. You will get faster.
2. You will feel faster.
3. You will get sexed up.

I don’t know if I got any faster, but, as Meatloaf said, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Here I was, the day after first going hair-free, getting ready to do the Chisago Lakes Half-Ironman:

Lesson 5: Maintenance

If you want to keep up this hairless lifestyle, you’re far from over. You need to keep it under control. I think I shaved about 1 to 2 times each week with a regular razor to keep up the manscaping between my first shave and Ironman. Here are the 2 razors in our shower:

As I’ve admitted to everyone before, mine is the pink one

A few days before Ironman, I did my last, complete all-over shave:

Then I made final touch-ups the day before IM.

I haven’t been keeping up the hairlessness because it’s flippin freezing here, and every bit of body hair helps. Sometime mid-summer, I’ll go through this process again. Probably right before the Lifetime Fitness Olympic Tri. Look for the debut of “2008 Hairless Steve” at that triathlon.

Final Thoughts

Once you’re smooth, everything is different. Putting on a shirt is strange. You’ll really be able to FEEL the shirt on your body. Crawling into bed is a smooth motion. Honestly, I could take or leave the smooth chest. I don’t know what to think about it. It makes me look like I’m 11 years old. But the shaved legs are kinda nice...

So, do you have any advice to give on this subject? Can you help out? Please comment with your experience on manly hair removal. Thanks everyone!


Danielle in Iowa in Ireland 10:09 PM, February 15, 2008  

I think I am going to have to try Nair for Men, as regular Nair appears to be useless!

And how on earth do you get the little razor holder suction cups to stay! Ours fall off the wall all the time.

ShirleyPerly 12:08 AM, February 16, 2008  

No advice to provide but enjoyed the lesson. What's the trick to getting the suction cups to stay on? Maybe I have to clean the shower walls more than once a year ...

Anne 12:52 AM, February 16, 2008  

Wow, that looks like a lot of work.

RunBubbaRun 5:55 AM, February 16, 2008  

Maybe you should lazer the stuff out, but that would cost you alot with all that fur..

Then again, seeing you cry out in pain like the "40 yr old virgin" might be quite entertatining.. A youtube moment you think?

Anonymous,  8:07 AM, February 16, 2008  

Glad to year you are giving the razor some rest until this summer. WAY too cold to even consider it.

I just use a regular razor and soap on my chest year round, but am going all out with a leg shaving st. patty's day party next month!

Anonymous,  11:51 AM, February 16, 2008  

You are the "hairless wonder!"

A friend of mine (not a dude, and no..not me) is into lazer hair removal. She didn't like her hairy arms and "other areas." But, once the hair is removed it is gone forever! Seems so final to me.

Thanks for the always interesting and informative post!

triguyjt 6:16 PM, February 16, 2008  

I know someone who had his back waxed and he said he had to bite a towel every time the barbarian woman ripped my, I mean his back hair off. This someone had it done twice and I swear, he swears he will never do it again..unless that amazon woman is no longer working at that spa. I-I mean he says he may try other places.
He says his wife likes the results even though the back looked like it had a heat rash the first time it was done. He says he would never have the 40 year old virgin method done on his chest...
Make it STOP MOMMY!!!

Brian 8:57 PM, February 16, 2008  

I recently started shaving my spot of back hair above the butt. I use my wife's razor.

As for the nair, I know someone that had to use it for both his vasectomies. It burns a little, or so he says. But better to be clean then to have some big guy in the OR shave them for you. That's never a fun experience, my friend told me.

Anonymous,  11:14 AM, February 17, 2008  

Ummm, what about the other parts? Do you think removing hair from those areas will make your faster? Or just more likely to chafe?

Trisaratops 8:49 AM, February 18, 2008  


Marcy 10:49 AM, February 18, 2008  

Interesting . . .I haven't had the greatest results with Nair. Maybe I'll have to switch it up to the men's version. That would make me feel like a hairy beast though :-/

Sixteen Chickens 4:37 PM, February 18, 2008  

You know, Steve, you have taught me to never click the link to your blog if A)there are other people in the room B)I am eating or drinking or have recently ate or drank C)It's before 5am. I feel like Pavlov's dog and you are ringing the bell i.e. doing some kind of weird experiment to see what time of day you can get most people to visit your blog.

brendaj 4:58 PM, February 18, 2008  

My experience with hair removal has taught me to alternate between shaving and waxing every few months since they have pros/cons and I'll get tired of one. I've never had much luck with Nair.r

Allez 8:54 AM, February 19, 2008  

I bet you could wax your legs and stick with shaving/nair-ing the rest. Lance used to go to a salon to get his legs waxed, he said it wasn't that bad.

Lance Notstrong 9:26 AM, February 19, 2008  

Well, Allez's telling off on me. It's true.....I went to a salon for waxing. It gets expensive though. I also waxed my legs myself and that gets time consuming. My advise, shave the legs, wax the chest :-)

Kim 2:18 PM, February 19, 2008  

dude, i cant imagine getting my chest waxed... i mean, im a girl and all, but from the movies and tv shows, it just seems...umm FUCKING TERRIBLE.

probably almost as bad as getting my wooha waxed which feels like the entire thing is being ripped off. not good times.

Jessica 9:03 PM, February 19, 2008

J~Mom 10:10 PM, February 19, 2008  

There really is nothing better then a pair of hairless legs against the sheets. Now that you know that secret there is no going back.

Ryan 6:23 AM, February 20, 2008  

Just think how many watts of power you would save aerodynamically if you were to burn your nipples off!

Hey, a watt is a watt.

Do it, and you can be the trend setter," I want to be Areola free, just like Steve!"

Supalinds 10:38 AM, February 20, 2008  

Dude, just don't burn the nipples...that would totally suck.

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog. I have been stalking yours for some time! I can't get enough of the hair removal tips :)

GP 12:29 PM, February 20, 2008  

I'm not going to lie to you: I haven't seen better step-by-step coverage of hair removal in either blogger or news media.

Obviously, I have no male-hair-removal advice, but I am curious about how you'll feel when it grows back. I think hair-cream-removed hair grows back softer (?). I put sun lotion on a guy's back once (he shaved it) and the prickles weren't cozy for me... and I imagine it wasn't for him. Let us know!

Mendy 3:19 PM, February 20, 2008  

I remember my husband shaving his legs last season, and gave him so much crap about it, but it was really all about his legs feeling smoother than mine. I was jealous. I think he used nair too.

Does look very time consuming.

Anonymous,  3:42 PM, February 20, 2008  

Have you tried putting on a pair of jeans after you shave your legs? It's a durned fine feeling.

I agree with the other ladies that Nair bites. It stinks, and it's not hugely effective. Waxing is not that bad. You get over it.

Anonymous,  2:38 PM, May 06, 2008  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jameel Amman 5:24 AM, June 30, 2008  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jameel Amman 5:26 AM, June 30, 2008  

Good subject.
I am too hairy. My wife keep complaining about it.
I am thinking of shaving. How often I need to do so? Is it true that the hair will grow stronger?
I am just scared to it... So they hair may grow in a funny way.. I am just scared..

Anonymous,  2:55 PM, December 16, 2008  

I think you have beautiful nipples....

Me 7:59 AM, December 22, 2009  

You have managed to make a great post creepy. Thanks for that.

Steve Stenzel 11:48 AM, December 22, 2009  

Anonymous is good at being a creep. ;)

Anonymous,  7:49 PM, February 11, 2011  

hey steve i was windering if you know where i can pick up some of that hansen hair removal cream from?

Steve Stenzel 12:58 PM, February 12, 2011  

nuker238: I think I got it at Target. Check online, you'll come across it somewhere. Good luck!

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