100 Things About Me

>> Monday, December 11, 2006

I tried to keep this fun and honest. I hope you don’t get bored with such a large dose of Steve. Some of these are frightfully honest, especially the higher numbers. You have been warned.

1. I’m way more fun than you.

2. I’m probably cooler too.

3. Wait, #2 is a lie. I’m the opposite of cool.

4. Great, now I wasted #3.

5. Crap, there goes #4. Back on track...

6. I’m addicted to infomercials.

7. Although I have 2 cats, I consider myself more of a dog person.

8. One of those cats is named Kermit, because I told Sarah it was either the name of a pet or our first-born son.

9. Classic Looney Tunes were the best thing on TV. Chuck Jones was a genius!

10. Americas Funniest Home Videos is my favorite TV show currently on TV. Seriously.

11. I’ve had 7 years of piano lessons.

12. But now can only play Yankee Doodle with one finger.

13. I was born on Friday the 13th. Some people say that explains a lot.

14. I don’t let Sarah touch my navel. When I do, she thinks it’s a party.

15. When I was in second grade, I wanted to be a priest.

16. Then, when I was 8, I thought I was Jewish. I was wrong.

17. I started teaching my first college course a month after my 24th birthday.

18. The average age of my students in that class was around 30 years old.

19. I like being mistaken for a student when I teach.

20. I also like the chatter I overhear before the start of the first day of class: "Is THAT our professor? He looks so young!"

21. If I were a better writer, I wouldn’t need to make photos.

22. I’ve never done any sort of drugs.

23. If I were to do drugs, my drug of choice would be Chipotle Burritos.

24. I don’t drink coffee (can you imagine me caffeinated?!).

25. I’ve taken one puff on a cigarette. I was 17. It was nasty.

26. I don’t spend enough time with my friends.

27. I’m a momma’s boy.

28. Everything about the photographic process excites me. Except making contact sheets.

29. I poop more than anyone I know: usually 4-5 times per day.

30. Most of that poop floats.

31. When I watch CSI and they show the image through the eye-piece of a camera that is taking pictures of evidence, I always yell at the TV because their aperture and shutter speed settings never make any sense with the flash they are using.

32. When I was young, I tried to jump off of a moving 4-wheeler so I could run along the side of it. I ended up belly-sliding across the gravel road. I nearly lost my right nipple.

33. Don’t read #75 without reading the 2 before it or it will seem really, really dirty.

34. I worked for 4 summers in different corporate hog barns artificially inseminating sows in heat. I’m the surrogate father of thousands of delicious baby pigs.

35. I’ve been growing hairy patches on my shoulders that I’m not proud of.

36. During my first 2 months of college, I didn’t think I could hack it.

37. During my first 2 months of grad school, I didn’t think I could hack it.

38. My mother-in-law’s homemade salsa will cure whatever ails you (it works for me!).

39. I’m never fully satisfied with my photography, although I fake it when I need to talk about my work.

40. I’m a gentle and giving lover.

41. I always shower, not bathe, after wearing brand new socks. Otherwise those in-between-the-toe fuzzies are floating all over the tub. Nasty.

42. I’m grateful for everything.

43. I carry a tweezers in my wallet in case of slivers or splinters. Is that weird?

44. I love movies, but rarely see any.

45. I had sex for the first time on my wedding night. Yes, really.

46. Pink is one of my favorite colors.

47. So is 18% grey.

48. I can’t talk on the phone and do something else at the same time. So if you ever call me, you have my undivided attention.

49. Triathlons have helped my sex life (hard body and more endurance) and hurt my sex life (too tired from training).

50. I try to be polite - society as a whole needs to be more polite.

51. I hate politics.

52. I never want to affiliate myself with just one specific political party.

53. I don’t have any tattoos, but I’d like to get one that is an image of my first camera’s shutter speed dial. Nerdy, I know.

54. I’ve been known to eat entire large, sausage, Papa John’s pizzas in one sitting.

55. I drink water like a camel.

56. And, therefore, piss like a racehorse.

57. I love 1980s rock ballads.

58. I listen to any type of music if it’s good.

59. I totally rock at MySpace flash banner games.

60. I can balance my body in a few strange positions.

61. My penis and I are good friends.

62. I love to laugh and to make others laugh.

63. When I fart in bed, I fluff the covers. I don’t want to baste in my own stink.

64. George Clooney. I’m just saying...if I had too, it’d be with George Clooney. Or Jamie Foxx.

65. I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton is the anti-Christ. And Lindsey Lohan is a living, breathing STD. And Britney Spears is simply trash.

66. Riding bike without a helmet is thrilling! Just like having sex with an old, warty, seasoned prostitute without using a condom is thrilling! Come on people, wear a helmet when on a bike or motorcycle! Don’t be stupid.

67. My favorite physical activity that I can see myself doing the longest is lifting weights.

68. Second: biking.

69. Third: running.

70. I just recently realized that I’ve never been Mom and Dads favorite. I’ve come to terms with that.

71. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I’d be training for an Ironman Triathlon right now, I would have punched you in the stomach and stolen your purse.

72. Extremely attractive people make me nervous.

73. I got my first cavity when I was 25.

74. While waiting for the novocaine to take effect, I taught the dental hygienist all about her new digital camera.

75. She was grateful and therefore gentle in my mouth.

76. My feet have become increasingly stinky in the past few years.

77. Sometimes, my day revolves around what time The Simpson’s, Top Model, or This Old House are on TV. That’s sad, I know.

78. I just won an office pool at MCAD for picking the winner of Top Model. I’m going for it all next year too. Watch out Continuing Studies office!

79. When I was little, I thought it was "Duck, Duck, RAY Duck," not "Duck, Duck, GRAY Duck." I realized I was wrong when I was about 21. I felt like my entire childhood was a lie.

80. It may look like I cut my own hair, but I don’t.

81. I believe in God.

82. I also believe in Karma.

83. My parents almost named me Jeff. But I’m happy with Steve (named after my Great Grandfather, Steve Dulas).

84. I’ve never met a man named Steve who isn’t a least a little quirky. Have you?

85. I was 18th in state on the Horticulture team in FFA in high school.

86. I married the woman who received 1st in state.

87. I can’t stand runners who listen to their iPods so loud that they can’t hear a polite "On your left" while on the trail.

88. I’m cheap.

89. I make groin-grabbingly good cinnamon French toast. Stop by on a Sunday morning and help yourself to a piece.

90. My current favorite combination of fountain soda is 70% Diet Coke, 25% Cherry Coke, and 5% Lemonade.

91. My favorite vegetable is sausage.

92. My sister-in-law has been living with us for a few months, and in the past I’ve been known to get her mixed up with Sarah. This could spell disaster. (picture naked Steve jumping into the wrong bed.)

93. I split my head open on a ceiling fan in Honduras when I was 17. I bled over a toilet while my friends went for help. Here’s a photo of that toilet.

94. I’m an obsessive list maker; in my mind, if it’s not on a list, it doesn’t exist.

95. I don’t care for winter in Minnesota, but I need the freeze to bring everything full-circle. It makes springtime special.

96. Sometimes, I’m kind of a jerk.

97. And a little cocky.

98. And a giant nerd.

99. Knowing all you now know about me, I hope we can still be friends.

100. I like receiving comments (who doesn’t?). Please leave me a note if you’d like. Thanks for reading all (or some) of this!

19 comments:

E-Speed 4:11 PM, December 11, 2006  

I am also a camel and I have been going through top model withdrawl since we got rid of cable. Lo and behold last week I found all of seasons 6 and 7 on You Tube!

xt4 4:17 PM, December 11, 2006  

I also love 18% grey. Seriously.

I have 2 uncles named Steve. And a brother-in-law. 2 out of 3 are quirky.

I have not, alas, seen Top Model. It is, however, one of my wife's guilty pleasures.

Here's hoping you are rained upon with comments -

Shelley 5:42 PM, December 11, 2006  

101-you have a lot of time on your hands..:-))
Just kidding..

TriSaraTops 5:45 PM, December 11, 2006  

OMG, that is one bloody toilet!

Your wife kicked your butt in FFA. hee hee! I'm not quite even sure what the horticulture team does...but it sounds pretty sweet.

I agree with 95! I feel as if I have a completely different appreciation for the sun than most people.

Caroline Houdek 6:01 PM, December 11, 2006  

What brought this on, or perhaps you like to procrastinate too!

A little more than I wanted to know, but it's totally you! And I too like 18% gray, it is a very good color, and I think all photographers are at least a little nerdy (yes, me included) so it's okay!

Triteacher 6:02 PM, December 11, 2006  

I did it!! Read all 100 (and even re-read some). You seriously poop 4-5 times per day?? Is there any you left after all that? (Listen, I work with 5th graders all day, that's what sticks.)

Graham,  6:14 PM, December 11, 2006  

AFV would be the funniest show on T.v. if it wasnt for the shitty ass hosts. There's no need for unfunny voice overs!
"This gives a new meaning to washing the cat." Ha ha haha

RunBubbaRun 10:42 PM, December 11, 2006  

I could give you a run for your money on #29 (i'm not kidding), thank goodness you love dogs, I was starting to worry. Great list, funny stuff.

Kate 2:03 AM, December 12, 2006  

This made me laugh and laugh- so you've satisfied #62..

55-59: Me too.

And, re: 72.. I am so sorry to make you nervous ;-) (joking..)

Anonymous,  6:43 PM, November 15, 2007  

you are by far the most hilarious, imaginitive, creative, talented man of all time! a lot of your lists and randomness remind me of my favorite man of all time...the one and only JOHN CUSACK...Steve you are a great man and I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word!

katie,  3:39 PM, November 28, 2007  

wow that was hilarious. and the photography stuff reminded me of someone i know..

Judi 11:23 AM, August 21, 2008  

You just seem like such a genuine type of guy. I love reading your blog. One day I hope you and Pharmie travel to OHIO/KY for a race....like maybe IMKY 09?

:)

Rick 3:02 AM, July 21, 2009  

I'm looking for gross things to post on a new website of mine, greatgross.com. And, I'm fairly certain your bloody toilet made the grade. Do you mind if I post this image?

Also, thank you for the laughs. I particularly like #75 without having read #73 & #74.

Anonymous,  8:45 PM, January 28, 2010  

I have no idea who you are, I came across this on google, and most of it made me laugh, you're a cool dude. That's all.

Anonymous,  8:48 PM, January 28, 2010  

and I'll never find / read this blog again I'm sure. Just know a complete stranger from Boston, MA thinks you're a witty man.

Heather 11:43 AM, June 08, 2010  

Found this during my weekly random search for all things IM Cozumel - thanks for that post too by the way - this list is so honest I love it. I occasionally get told that I am too honest, but I'm a poor writer so I can only verbalize in person and that doesn't go over too well...perhaps it's time to brush up on the written word and pen some of my many thoughts so I don't have to look at peoples' confused, shocked or insulted faces anymore muwahaha.

Anonymous,  1:05 AM, June 29, 2010  

You seem like a genuinely good man. I'm proud that there are people out there that can wait until the day of their marriage to have sex, and stay away from drugs, etc etc. You have somewhat inspired me to quit smoking. I bet you were a giant nerd in highschool. I stumbled upon this blog by accident and I am glad I did. :)

BriTriGuy 11:53 AM, July 18, 2012  

So, I read this post again today...#14 is a nightly battle for me with the g/f. To make matters worse, she has an abnormally deep navel that smells 75% of the time. If I struggle too much to keep her from touching mine she'll resort to sticking her finger in her navel and trying to wipe it under my nose.

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comments! Have a great day!

Twitter

Follow steveinaspeedo on Twitter

Facebook Fan Page

All content and original images copyright 2006 - 2017 by Steve Stenzel, AKA "Steve in a Speedo." All Rights Reserved.
Want to use something seen here? Just ask - I don't bite.