100 Things About Me

I tried to keep this fun and honest. I hope you don’t get bored with such a large dose of Steve. Some of these are frightfully honest, especially the higher numbers. You have been warned.

1. I’m way more fun than you.

2. I’m probably cooler too.

3. Wait, #2 is a lie. I’m the opposite of cool.

4. Great, now I wasted #3.

5. Crap, there goes #4. Back on track...

6. I’m addicted to infomercials.

7. Although I have 2 cats, I consider myself more of a dog person.

8. One of those cats is named Kermit, because I told Sarah it was either the name of a pet or our first-born son.

9. Classic Looney Tunes were the best thing on TV. Chuck Jones was a genius!

10. Americas Funniest Home Videos is my favorite TV show currently on TV. Seriously.

11. I’ve had 7 years of piano lessons.

12. But now can only play Yankee Doodle with one finger.

13. I was born on Friday the 13th. Some people say that explains a lot.

14. I don’t let Sarah touch my navel. When I do, she thinks it’s a party.

15. When I was in second grade, I wanted to be a priest.

16. Then, when I was 8, I thought I was Jewish. I was wrong.

17. I started teaching my first college course a month after my 24th birthday.

18. The average age of my students in that class was around 30 years old.

19. I like being mistaken for a student when I teach.

20. I also like the chatter I overhear before the start of the first day of class: "Is THAT our professor? He looks so young!"

21. If I were a better writer, I wouldn’t need to make photos.

22. I’ve never done any sort of drugs.

23. If I were to do drugs, my drug of choice would be Chipotle Burritos.

24. I don’t drink coffee (can you imagine me caffeinated?!).

25. I’ve taken one puff on a cigarette. I was 17. It was nasty.

26. I don’t spend enough time with my friends.

27. I’m a momma’s boy.

28. Everything about the photographic process excites me. Except making contact sheets.

29. I poop more than anyone I know: usually 4-5 times per day.

30. Most of that poop floats.

31. When I watch CSI and they show the image through the eye-piece of a camera that is taking pictures of evidence, I always yell at the TV because their aperture and shutter speed settings never make any sense with the flash they are using.

32. When I was young, I tried to jump off of a moving 4-wheeler so I could run along the side of it. I ended up belly-sliding across the gravel road. I nearly lost my right nipple.

33. Don’t read #75 without reading the 2 before it or it will seem really, really dirty.

34. I worked for 4 summers in different corporate hog barns artificially inseminating sows in heat. I’m the surrogate father of thousands of delicious baby pigs.

35. I’ve been growing hairy patches on my shoulders that I’m not proud of.

36. During my first 2 months of college, I didn’t think I could hack it.

37. During my first 2 months of grad school, I didn’t think I could hack it.

38. My mother-in-law’s homemade salsa will cure whatever ails you (it works for me!).

39. I’m never fully satisfied with my photography, although I fake it when I need to talk about my work.

40. I’m a gentle and giving lover.

41. I always shower, not bathe, after wearing brand new socks. Otherwise those in-between-the-toe fuzzies are floating all over the tub. Nasty.

42. I’m grateful for everything.

43. I carry a tweezers in my wallet in case of slivers or splinters. Is that weird?

44. I love movies, but rarely see any.

45. I had sex for the first time on my wedding night. Yes, really.

46. Pink is one of my favorite colors.

47. So is 18% grey.

48. I can’t talk on the phone and do something else at the same time. So if you ever call me, you have my undivided attention.

49. Triathlons have helped my sex life (hard body and more endurance) and hurt my sex life (too tired from training).

50. I try to be polite - society as a whole needs to be more polite.

51. I hate politics.

52. I never want to affiliate myself with just one specific political party.

53. I don’t have any tattoos, but I’d like to get one that is an image of my first camera’s shutter speed dial. Nerdy, I know.

54. I’ve been known to eat entire large, sausage, Papa John’s pizzas in one sitting.

55. I drink water like a camel.

56. And, therefore, piss like a racehorse.

57. I love 1980s rock ballads.

58. I listen to any type of music if it’s good.

59. I totally rock at MySpace flash banner games.

60. I can balance my body in a few strange positions.

61. My penis and I are good friends.

62. I love to laugh and to make others laugh.

63. When I fart in bed, I fluff the covers. I don’t want to baste in my own stink.

64. George Clooney. I’m just saying...if I had too, it’d be with George Clooney. Or Jamie Foxx.

65. I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton is the anti-Christ. And Lindsey Lohan is a living, breathing STD. And Britney Spears is simply trash.

66. Riding bike without a helmet is thrilling! Just like having sex with an old, warty, seasoned prostitute without using a condom is thrilling! Come on people, wear a helmet when on a bike or motorcycle! Don’t be stupid.

67. My favorite physical activity that I can see myself doing the longest is lifting weights.

68. Second: biking.

69. Third: running.

70. I just recently realized that I’ve never been Mom and Dads favorite. I’ve come to terms with that.

71. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I’d be training for an Ironman Triathlon right now, I would have punched you in the stomach and stolen your purse.

72. Extremely attractive people make me nervous.

73. I got my first cavity when I was 25.

74. While waiting for the novocaine to take effect, I taught the dental hygienist all about her new digital camera.

75. She was grateful and therefore gentle in my mouth.

76. My feet have become increasingly stinky in the past few years.

77. Sometimes, my day revolves around what time The Simpson’s, Top Model, or This Old House are on TV. That’s sad, I know.

78. I just won an office pool at MCAD for picking the winner of Top Model. I’m going for it all next year too. Watch out Continuing Studies office!

79. When I was little, I thought it was "Duck, Duck, RAY Duck," not "Duck, Duck, GRAY Duck." I realized I was wrong when I was about 21. I felt like my entire childhood was a lie.

80. It may look like I cut my own hair, but I don’t.

81. I believe in God.

82. I also believe in Karma.

83. My parents almost named me Jeff. But I’m happy with Steve (named after my Great Grandfather, Steve Dulas).

84. I’ve never met a man named Steve who isn’t a least a little quirky. Have you?

85. I was 18th in state on the Horticulture team in FFA in high school.

86. I married the woman who received 1st in state.

87. I can’t stand runners who listen to their iPods so loud that they can’t hear a polite "On your left" while on the trail.

88. I’m cheap.

89. I make groin-grabbingly good cinnamon French toast. Stop by on a Sunday morning and help yourself to a piece.

90. My current favorite combination of fountain soda is 70% Diet Coke, 25% Cherry Coke, and 5% Lemonade.

91. My favorite vegetable is sausage.

92. My sister-in-law has been living with us for a few months, and in the past I’ve been known to get her mixed up with Sarah. This could spell disaster. (picture naked Steve jumping into the wrong bed.)

93. I split my head open on a ceiling fan in Honduras when I was 17. I bled over a toilet while my friends went for help. Here’s a photo of that toilet.

94. I’m an obsessive list maker; in my mind, if it’s not on a list, it doesn’t exist.

95. I don’t care for winter in Minnesota, but I need the freeze to bring everything full-circle. It makes springtime special.

96. Sometimes, I’m kind of a jerk.

97. And a little cocky.

98. And a giant nerd.

99. Knowing all you now know about me, I hope we can still be friends.

100. I like receiving comments (who doesn’t?). Please leave me a note if you’d like. Thanks for reading all (or some) of this!