Square Lake Half Ironman: Part 1

Or, “Not trying to PR, just trying to have a good time.”

Yes, this report will be in 2 parts. I just have SOOO many photos from the race (about 50) that I need to break it up a little. This report will go from pre-race through T2, and that will include getting changed into the Grim Reaper outfit.

Pharmie and I got up early on Sunday morning. And that was after being woke up late the night before by a drunken couple fighting and yelling in the ally by our house. But the cops showed up and things quieted down. So we were working on about 4 hours of sleep. We got packed up in the morning, and headed out to Square Lake.

When we showed up, there was a sign outside the park that said “This lake may give swimmers itch.” Nice. I’ve had something like that before, and I really didn’t want that again.

Pharmie and I got set up in transition, and we headed down to the lake to get ready for the swim. When I was at the park the day before, I told Pharmie, “There’s like 15 steps that we have to climb to get up to T1.” Well, as we were walking down, we counted 68 steps. Apparently, I’m not good at estimating. Here we are heading down before-mentioned stairs, with the lake barely visible below us:

Note the perennial smiley face on my calf...

We got down to the lake, and it was chilly! The air was about 50 degrees, and there was a little breeze coming off the lake. We quickly got our wetsuits on:

Then, we HAD to get a photo with our great photographer / cheerleader for the day. Steph, Pharmie’s sister, got up with us at the ass-crack of dawn to come cheer us on. And she knew SOMEONE needed to take photos of the craziness that was about to ensue. Here we all are at the lake:

Thanks for coming with us, Steph!!

Then Steph snapped a photo of Pharmie and I before we both got wet:

(I still don't know what that arrow on my wetsuit is pointing at...)

Pharmie dipped her toes, and thought she’d wait a few minutes before hitting the water because she was in the last wave going out. I hopped in, peed a little, and did a few warm up strokes, as I was starting out in wave 1. I came back to find Pharmie, and we chatted for a moment as I tried to stay warm:

Then, I gave her a good luck kiss, and walked off to start my race:

(I’m spitting in my goggles)

I lined up near the back, and someone counted down and shouted “GO!”

Wave 1, starting in the distance

It was a 2 loop swim, and I started out WAY to the outside for clean water. I just took my time and swam nice and comfortably. I did what worked well for me at the LTF Oly: 3 strokes, breathe, 2 strokes, breathe, repeat.

I was swimming very comfortably, but quite strong at the same time. I wasn’t taking it TOO easy. I was wasting a little bit of energy by swimming SO far to the outside, but I didn’t care. I was just playing it safe. I finished the first loop in 19:01, and was rather happy with that time.

I pretty much repeated everything for the second loop (and I peed while heading to shore), and I finished the last half of the swim in 19:12. Nice and consistent! I couldn’t complain about that swim! I felt great!

I hit the ground, popped up, and started stripping:

I stripped the upper part of my suit while still in the water:

(Side note: at least that last photo doesn’t look QUITE as bad as when I was taking off my wetsuit a year ago at my last half Ironman, where it looked like I was playing with myself:

End side note.)

I ran up the beach and flashed a smile at Steph:

Running up those 68 stairs to T1, I passed 2 men who were both walking. The first one said something like, “Nice job!” The second guy was a little more memorable. I ran past, and he screamed, “GO GET EM’ BUDDY!! WOO!!” And he smacked my ass pretty hard. I laughed out loud, and replied “Thanks man! Nice swim!!”

I got changed in T1, and was off on the bike. It was a hilly, hilly course. It wasn’t as bad as IM WI, but it had more non-stop hills. WI had more huge hills, but this course just had constant rollers. Like Pharmie said, there were really only 2-3 miles of non-hills.

About 7 miles into the ride, I had to pee again. So I pulled off by a cornfield, grabbed my camera, and let er’ flow. Have you ever seen me peeing?...

...now you have. Gotcha.

I hopped back on the bike, and kept at it. I zoned out a lot. Whenever I checked my pace, I always thought, “Whoa, Steve. Take it easy. You shouldn’t be this fast right now.” But I somehow finished the first loop in 1:26:20 with a 19 mph average! What the hell?!? I was really afraid that I was going to lose my legs for the last part of the ride because I had gone out too hard. But I didn’t feel like I was working too hard. I didn’t know what to think.

I started the second lap. I was pretty good about making sure I was getting enough nutrition (Carbo Pro and Hammer Gel). I had to pee. AGAIN. So I pulled off to pee in the same cornfield. This time, I went a little farther before stopping, and it proved to be a bit of a problem. The ground had much more clay in it, and it pretty much mucked up my cleats. I couldn’t clip back in. My Speedplays were clogged. Shoot. Here’s what they looked like once I got home:

Shortly after taking off again, it started raining. It actually felt pretty good. There were brief bits of heavier rain, but it was never too much. The added rain just made me slip off my non-clipped-in pedals more often. That was a bit of a pain. Twice I slipped off my pedals so dramatically that I swerved really quick and nearly wiped out. It was hard to be in aero and not be clipped in.

So I rode the last 20 miles without being able to clip in. I thought about stopping to clean my cleats, but I was making it work pretty well, so I just kept going. I was SO FREAKIN’ SURPRISED TO FINISH THAT SECOND LOOP IN 1:28:06!! My average had only dropped to about 18.75 mph on that hilly course! I didn’t know what was going on, but I felt really good at this point! I rolled back into transition just as Steph was thinking, “I better start looking for Steve.” And “BOOM” - there I was. She was just as surprised as I was to be done at that point.

Nine easy steps for having a much longer T2 time than you need:

1. Take off your bike paraphernalia:

2. Body Glide EVERYTHING (arms, nipples, face, etc.):

3. Try to figure out the Grim Reaper outfit:

4. Realize that it’s on backwards, and wrestle with it for a second:

5. Put on race number and take a drink before putting on head piece:

6. Try to figure out head piece:

7. Put head piece on:

8. Grab sickle and stop to pose for a photo:

9. Turn right and run out of transition:

(There were 2 guys just to the left of the frame in those last 9 shots that were watching this process. “No...he’s not gonna...oh my God...I think he really is...holy shit...” I wish Steph had gotten a photo of their reaction as I was putting this stuff on!)

So, I headed out for a nice 13.1 mile run in that outfit! Let’s just say, it was a huge hit out there! I’ll be back in a day or 2 with photos from the run, along with the exciting and entertaining finish. You won’t be disappointed! Thanks everyone!

Update: Here's a link to "Part 2" of this race report.