Osceola Duathlon Photos

>> Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The official photos from the Osceola Duathlon are up. Here’s some of my gang:


Me leading my wave out


Finishing the first 5K


Matt (bro-in-law) finishing the first 5K


Borsch, my teammate, on the bike


Matt on the bike


Me coming to the line victorious for Team Tighty-Whitie


Matt coming to the line.
His face says, “I’m glad THAT’S over...”


Miss Osceola and her Princesses who took off chips at the finish


One that the race photographer probably
should have edited out

Local triathlon hero/idol/stud/demigod, David Thompson, was out to race at Osceola. David ran his first 5K in 16:08, rode his (hilly) ride at nearly 25 mph, and then finished off his 1 mile run in 5:19. He finished in 1:12:33, shattering the old course record by about 3:20. He did all that while wearing a cast on his right wrist. Freakin’ rockstar:



In that second run, David was the only one that had a faster time than me (a mere 3 seconds difference). I e-mail him and wrote that I had hoped to have the fastest 1 mile time of everyone competing, but that I had NO problem being second to him.

Here are a few more photos that Steph took during the race that didn’t make it into the race report poem. Here’s one she made of herself that she NEVER thought I would post:


Gotcha Steph!
(Seriously though, thanks for all the great photos!)

Here’s one of me getting changed while sporting the WORLDS WORST CAMEL TOE:



Then I started to admire Borsch’s package. “Did you have to pay extra shipping on that bad boy?”



Because I was the first team member into T1, the other 11 teams watched Borsch and I closely to see how to exchange the chip. Here’s the wide shot of us in T1 being watched:



Here’s the cropped in version of the same photo. I’m under the arrow on the left (holding Borsch’s bike), and Borsch is by the arrow on the right getting the chip strapped to his ankle:



And then there’s this awkward photo from right after I finished. I’m glistening all over, and Borsch is oddly wide-legged:


Weird. Just weird.

If you haven’t read the race report below, you might want to check that out. I wrote it in rhyme. And no, I really don’t know why I wrote it like that. But it IS pretty fun. Just like me. And stop by Borsch’s blog for his side of the story!

And don't forget: there will be farm animals at the TC Marathon this weekend!!...

p.s. Borsch and I made it into the local Osceola Newspaper, and they are sending me 2 copies of the issue we're in. I'll share that with you as soon as I see it!

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Osceola Duathlon Race Report (In Rhyme)

>> Sunday, September 28, 2008

(Note: When Pharmie was in Pharmacy School, I would make up dirty poems and send them to her so she could share them with her friends while studying. They were a BIG hit. Then, I posted a running poem about barely making it home to the bathroom. Finally, about a year ago, my 2007 Apple Duathlon race report was written as a poem as well. So it’s been over a year since my last poem, and I figure it’s time for another one. Enjoy.)

The Night Before:

I wanted to test the high yellow socks on a run around the block.
So I went out under the cover of darkness, around 8 o’clock.

Under 1 block into the run, and what did I see?
The high yellow socks had already slipped below my knee.

I made a decision on the short test run.
Before the yellow socks even got a chance to race, they were done.



They wouldn’t stay put over a fast race; I’m sorry to tell you.
They only would have worked if I had used a lot of glue.

Race Morning:

I was up by 5 in the morning.
I dropped a few pre-race “bombs” with little warning.

I made one last bathroom trip and drained my johnson.
Borsch, Steph, Matt, and I hit the road for Wisconsin.

The format for this race was 3 mile run, 22 mile bike, 1 mile run.
I was looking forward to the last part - a one mile run sounds fun!

I was going to do the 2 runs, and Borsch was going to do the ride.
It was Borsch’s first team event; I was filled with pride!


Matt, me, and Borsch

Matt was going to do this event alone.
To wish him luck, I tried to bury my bone:


Wow, what's that face?...

We started getting changed into our...well, you know...
Our “Team Tighty-Whitie race outfit” was starting to show:


Borsch changing


Me changing

We fully changed into our race clothes,
and then struck this awkward, heroic, epic pose:



I don’t know who we thought we’d impress,
so we settled down and got down to business:



On the way to the starting line, Steph said I had some grass on my ass.
I told her to get some class and stop with the sass.



I warmed up a bit before the start.
The racers were nearly ready to depart:



3 Mile Run:

A few waves started, and I got ready to go in Wave 4.
Standing around in that outfit made me feel a little like a cheap whore.



The gun went off, and in my wave I ran in the lead.
I was hoping for the best; I just didn’t want my nipples to bleed.





I went out hard and did the first mile in five twenty-three [5:23].
That was fast, but right where I wanted to be.

I missed the “mile 2” marker, but I know I slowed up a bit.
When I saw the “mile 3” marker, I nearly had a fit:

“I’m still far from transition! This ‘3 mile run’ is really a 5K!”
It was longer than advertised, but I booked it in with no delay.





I hit T1, ran up to Borsch, and he took off my chip.
He threw it on his leg, and was off on his bike at a speedy clip.

22 Mile Bike:

I came running into transition, and I was all smiles.
Borsch grabbed my chip, and was off to ride 22 miles.



He took the chip and was off in a jiffy.
Which was good news, because I really needed to use the biffy.

The first 3 mile run I had gotten through.
Now I dashed to the toilet where I dropped a number 2.

(In case you’re dense and didn’t get that last bit,
“Number 2” is slang for “I had to take a shit.”)

Steph and I ran a little down the bike course among all the mighty spruce.
I tried to stay warm, and I wanted to stay loose.

I saw the “mile 20” marker for the bike, and it made me laugh:
The bike wasn’t 22 miles; it was more like 20 and a half.

I got back into transition to wait for Borsch to come in.
He came flying in, and my last mile run was ready to begin.



1 Mile Run:

I ran out fast and hard.
I was moving so quick, I was leaving the ground charred.

I started to get those little toots known as “runners farts.”
They got pretty bad, so I clenched my cheeks like a tart.

I was getting worried - the farts were feeling a little loose.
But I just used that power and pretended each was a little rocket boost.

In that last run, I flew past about a dozen individual duathletes.
“Team Tighty-Whities” race was nearly complete!

I hit the finish line; I had gotten there in a hurry!
Sorry about my finish photo - it’s kinda blurry:


Walking through the chute

Post Race:

Borsch and I congratulated each other when we were done.
Team Tighty-Whitie had placed first! We had won!!

And taking a look at our splits,
I realized that we had shattered the old team course record by 8 minutes!

We were so happy, we nearly started to caper!
But then a man wanted our photo for the local newspaper:



I went for some food: pancakes, PB&J, and a banana.
Then we went to cheer on the other runners while listening to Hannah Montana.



Because we raced like a flying banshee,
we were able to walk away with a trophy:





Matt had a good day racing as a Clydesdale.
Among all Clydesdales, he came in as the 3rd fastest male!

Steph asked Matt to pose with his prize.
However, where he held it was a bit of a surprise!



We loaded up the car, and headed back to St. Paul.
We were all so hungry, that we nearly had a bad fall.

So we thought Paisano’s Pizza would do the trick,
and we stopped for some slices and a mound of breadsticks:



I hope my rhymes weren’t so bad that they gave you blood clots.
Check back in a few days for some official race shots.

We all did well, and throughout the race we were speeding.
As always, have a good week, and thanks for reading!

Official Times: (not in rhyme)
• 3 Mile Run (really a 5K): 17:40, fastest team run
• 22 Mile Bike (really 20.5 miles): 1:00:32, fastest team bike
• 1 Mile Run: 5:22, fastest team run
Total: 1:24:22 (previous team course record: 1:32:26)
• Team Tighty-Whitie: 1st place out of 12 teams

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Friday Funny 3

>> Friday, September 26, 2008

People who look like other people/things:


Remember “Dinosaurs” on ABC?






Lead singer of Counting Crows. Remember him?




Weird.




Lead singer of Metallica. Perfect.


I LOVED “Pinky and the Brain!”

While the Olympics were on, I was SERIOUSLY wondering “Why does Shawn Johnson look so familiar? Who does she look like?” Well, I found my answer. She looks like Gadget Hackwrench from “Chip-N-Dales Rescue Rangers:”


Spot on.

Honest Billboards:











Finally, if I haven’t already said it like 6 times in my last couple of posts, I’m ready to have a great time as half of “Team Tighty-Whitie” on Sunday with Borsch at the Osceola Duathlon. I have my outfit all laid out:



Yup, Borsch and I are both wearing Wife Beaters and Tighty-Whities! (I’ll have a Speedo under the undies - I don’t want to scar any children.) But I have yet to decide between the red socks or the freakishly high yellow socks...

Wish us luck! Check back Sunday night or Monday for the report! Happy Friday!

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