Friday Funny 644: 15 Kinds of Swimmers

>> Friday, December 27, 2013

SwimSwam posted this list of (possibly unfortunate) kinds of swimmers you'll find in the pool:

Here are 15 common swimming characters we find in our lanes on a day-to-day basis–

The Meet Swimmer. The crunch time performer, the athlete that stands up on the blocks at meets and swims times that do not correlate whatsoever with the times they perform in practice.

The Thrasher. The workhorse of the team, this swimmer proudly bears the mark of the all go, no quit athlete, even if it is a one arm drill set. While they pump out max effort on everything they do, for the Thrasher this doesn’t always correlate to maximum efficiency and speed in the water. Has a sometimes strained relationship with The Meet Swimmer as a result.

The Mental Gamer. Will talk about how out of shape they are, how crappy they feel in the water, just how awful of a day they had... and then proceed to smoke you for the entire set.

The Tahiti Break. Swimming behind this person is a nightmare due to the 8 foot swell that follows them in and out of the walls. Swimming beside them however, gives you a golden draft with which you can go for a nice leisurely surf on.

The Lane/Board Puller. Backstroke sets are a favorite for this swimmer, as they will take every opportunity they can to pull on the lane-rope. This swimmer will also often pull into the wall with five full strokes on kick sets.

Flipper. Often this person has chronic shoulder injuries that may or may not be acting up; regardless, they will find the first reason they can to strap on fins for the rest of the workout.

The Undisclosed Injury. This swimmer usually jumps out of the main set at some point, most often after someone has passed them. Cited reasons generally include injury, illness, or vital text message. Can usually be found enjoying a nice warm shower while the rest of the group finish the practice.

10 Second Tom. Forgets the set, interval, and/or when they left. Consistently seeks clarification on set specifics. “How many was that?” is a common refrain.

Sammy Save-Up. We all know this swimmer. Coasts along for 90% of the set or workout, quietly awaiting his or her turn to smash out a near personal best time on the least repeat, even while everyone knows precisely what he or she is doing.

Warm-Up Hustler. It’s hard to get mad at this swimmer. After all, it is difficult to get frustrated with someone who wants to swim hard and fast. It’s just, well, maybe they could swim that fast during the main set as well.

Wolverine. This swimmer has neglected cutting their finger and toe nails for far too long; giving swimmers next to them the occasional unwanted under-the-lane-rope surprise with those horrific claws.

The Nudist. This swimmer will let her swimsuit age far beyond the point of decay; to the point that it is see-through in some not so appropriate areas.

Butt-crack Bukowski. Time to pull that suit up, or perhaps it is time to get a new one. Either way, no one really wants to look at the top half of your butt-butt.

The Specialist. A swimmer who is an average swimmer, but is simply out of this world at kick or pull. While you may be able to out-swim them, they lap your butt up and down the pool in pull sets.

The Eager Beav’. Claim to fame is being the first person in the pool, or the first one to start a set, often times before the coach has finished explaining it.

One of the commenters added this:

The Editor. The master’s swimmer who edits every set just to her preference.

I've been guilty of that... along with "10 Second Tom" and "The Nudist." FRIENDLY REMINDER TO CHECK YOUR SUITS, PEOPLE!!

Lots more funnies on steveinaspeedo.tumblr.com.

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